Chapter 1
Six Years Later
He thoughtI couldn’t see the pain in his eyes, but I did. I saw everything about Miles Standish. I always have, even from that the moment I first spied him across the break room. My gaze followed him everywhere, even when I tried to force myself to look away. I’d never met a man before that affected me the way Miles did. I’d been in love with him all these years, but nothing I did swayed him to change our relationship. For six years this man had fought his attraction to me and never once made a move. He could try the patience of a saint. I showed him every way I knew how that I cared for him. Deeply.
Several of my girlfriends, who I’d casually mentioned Miles to in passing, asked me why I didn’t ask him out, didn’t take the initiative, especially given my proclivity of being rather “take charge”. The partial answer to that was that I was, thanks to my father, still gun-shy about trusting men outside the kink community, even Miles. The other answer, the one that had me more hesitant, was that I was a Domme, and being a sexually dominant woman in a vanilla world was difficult. Some men were touchy about submitting to a woman. I had very specific tastes, and there was no sense risking a broken heart on a man who wasn’t who I needed him to be.
For that reason, I didn’t try to push, even as heat simmered in his eyes when he thought I wasn’t looking. But now, other emotions clouded Miles’ eyes. Pain. Guilt. My heart broke for him.
It’s been six years since that first day on the job, and Miles still sent shivers down my spine with every look, every touch. Now though, I also knew one additional thing about him. I knew he’d killed a man. A man who, like the one I’d killed, deserved to die.
I saw how it affected him. Gone was the lightheartedness. No longer did he prop his butt on the corner of my desk and joke with me. I recognized the guilt that ate at him, even if I’d never experienced it myself. I didn’t regret, for one second, killing that bastard. I also recognized the signs of someone going through the motions of existing but not living. My sister was a member of that club. It broke me knowing that I couldn’t do anything to help her. But I’d be damned if I wouldn’t do everything in my power to help Miles get rid of the guilt. Somehow, I’d find a way to bring him back from the darkness that shrouded him. Somehow, I’d show him the secret of redemption. I loved him too much to fail.