Chapter 2
Blood.It’s everywhere. It doesn’t matter if I’m awake or asleep. All I see is blood. And his face. I brushed my teeth this morning, and when I leaned up from the sink, there he stood, behind me, staring at me with blood running down his face. Rationally, I knew he wasn’t there. Except it’s hard to be rational since I’d started losing my mind months ago. I knew it was happening, but there was nothing I could do to stop it. It’s hard to tell my mind it’s playing tricks on me. Especially when guilt for the very death I caused overwhelms me.
Malcolm Shipman deserved to die. He’d been on the verge of pulling the trigger of his own gun when I’d shot him to save the life of my boss. My best friend. One of the two was going to die. I’d chosen Malcolm. I’ve been to the shooting range countless times. I’ve run through mock hostage situations where I’ve shot dummies scattered around the room at almost point-blank range. It never occurred to me that shooting another human being, regardless of whether he deserved it or not, would change a person as drastically as it’s changed me.
I still go to the gym and to work every day. I talk to my co-workers and occasionally, I try to laugh at their jokes. But even I can hear the hollowness behind my laughter. Behind my words. Life around me has moved forward, and no one knows what’s going on behind my false gaiety. Except her. I’ve been avoiding her ever since that day, because I can’t take the pity in her eyes. She tries to hide it, but I see it. Along with several other emotions that I’ve known were there for years. Hope. Attraction. Love, perhaps. But none of those shone so brightly as pity.
Josephine Bishop showed up one day, and my life has never been the same. I’ve stayed away from her for several reasons, not the least of which is she’s fifteen years my junior. I knew she was infatuated with me when she first joined the team, and I did everything I could to give her the impression I wasn’t interested. Eventually, she reeled her emotions back in and treated me like a friend. Our morning talks have always been my favorite part of the day, even if I didn’t admit it to anyone.
She was a conundrum. She possessed both an aura of innocence that never tarnished, yet there was a commanding presence I wasn’t sure how to respond to. She never talked about her love life. I had no idea if she had a steady boyfriend or if she went through guys like most people changed underwear. There was never that sparkle in her eye or the bounce in her step that said she’d been thoroughly fucked. I’ve never seen a woman who’d just had her brains fucked out not possess that light, that sparkle, about them. Like they’re walking on cloud nine. It’s a special look, and when you see it on enough women, you begin to recognize it. Josephine held her emotions close to the vest. I often wondered if she was still a virgin, even at twenty-seven.
Connor had shared a little bit of information with me when I discreetly asked. At least, I hope I’d been discreet. He never acted as though he thought my reasons for asking were anything beyond the general curiosity of learning about a new co-worker. God forbid he should realize that my feelings were slightly more engaged than a platonic friendship for his favorite girl. And we all knew the Josephine Bishop held a special place in Connor’s heart. Even being his second-in-command, and best friend, he’d never told me why Josie was so special to him. He treated her like a younger sister. He was over-protective to a degree that was unusual.
I knew Connor had worked for Josie’s father a couple years before she started working for Blacklight Securities. But, I also knew that something happened to Josie before Connor came into the picture. That’s what I couldn’t figure out. Neither discussed it, but it further cemented their relationship to the point where Josie worshipped the ground Connor walked on, and Connor treated Josie as though she was as fragile as glass and would break with the slightest breeze.
I knew she wouldn’t break though. She was much stronger than anyone knew, like tempered steel. But I wouldn’t taint her with the darkness that surrounded me. I knew the minute she tried to get close that I would snuff out her light with the blackness that surrounded me. So, I avoided her. It was easier for everyone that way. Especially me. I’d had no idea the agony I would feel knowing she was now forever out of my reach. It was just another strike against me. Eventually, I’d break and destroy everything good in my life. Especially her.
“Miles.”
My eyes closed at the softly spoken word at my back. I braced myself before slowly turning around to confront its owner. At only 5’ 9”, being tall was not a trait I’d been blessed with, and Josie was only a couple inches shorter than me, so we were almost eye-to-eye. Her trademark royal blue glasses sat perched on her pert little nose. Her short, blonde bob was tucked behind her ears, her bangs flopping in her face. Even though I knew she was twenty-seven, she continued to look exactly like that fresh-faced girl on her first day here.
Her youthful appearance only further emphasized the vast difference in our ages. My hair had turned to gray at my temples, and the wrinkles across my forehead and around my eyes and mouth only served to highlight the fact I was pushing middle-aged. At forty-two, I’d lived a rough life and it showed. Killing Malcolm had aged me even more.
Knowing I couldn’t just stand there staring, I forced myself to acknowledge her. “What can I do for you, Josephine?”
She always wrinkled her nose when I called her Josephine. Calling her Josie was too personal, especially when I was trying to keep my distance from her. I refused to admit that I liked being the only one that called her Josephine.
“I need the reports on the Bullman case. I’ve run all the numbers through my computer and can’t seem to find the discrepancy in the bank account. I know it’s there though. Five million dollars doesn’t disappear overnight. Something happened to it, I just need to find out what.”
“You’ll have to talk to Bryce. He’s the one assigned to the case.”
“Wait, Connor told me you were the one working it. When did Bryce take over?”
“A few days ago.”
Her shoulders deflated as though someone had let all the air out of them. “Oh. I thought we’d be working together on this case.”
I’d asked Connor if I could be reassigned to a different case when he’d told me that Josie was the analyst working on this one. He wasn’t happy with my request and only reluctantly acquiesced when I pushed the issue. There were no questions asked, even though I knew he wanted to ask them.
“No, I’m working on the Grafton assignment.”
“Okay. Well, if you need anything, please don’t hesitate to ask me. I’m happy to help.”
I gave an abrupt nod of thanks and left her standing there. I could feel her eyes boring through my back as I walked away. There was never a time when I couldn’t feel her stare following me. At no time over the last six years had I not been fully aware of Josephine Bishop.