Page 6 of See No Evil

“Nah, I’m not offended. I get asked that probably at least a few times a year.”

“YoulookWhite, but at the same, you look like you might have a lil somethin’ in you. But it could just be a tan from all this heat.”

He chuckled at that and shook his head. He had to admit, she had a nice ass body, but that just wasn’t enough. He was horny, not desperate.

“I’m half White, half Puerto Rican. Grew up here in Louisville. Portland, to be exact.”

“Half White, half Porsche-reekcan! Shiiiid! That explains it! Got that Latino flavor. You got that umph!” She started to twerk and dance about, and all he could do was smile and shake his head. “That swag! You sexy as fuck!” Her eyes lit up like Christmas trees.

“Thank you.”

“I usually just date Black men, but I’d make an exception for you, wit’ yo’ fine self.”

Don’t let me be the exception. Rule me out. Completely. I’m good. Would it be rude of me to walk away while she’s talking? Probably. I still just might do it. What’s keeping me here,anyway? There’s no damn edible food. I don’t want any pizza, so I’m about to bail.

Just as he was about to part ways with her, she started talking again.

“I just broke up with my baby daddy,” She stepped closer to him, closing the gap between them.

Baby daddy? Who the fuck impregnated this beast?

“And I sure am glad I did because I am single, and ready to mingle, baby.” She winked.

He chuckled and rubbed his beard.

Oh God, help me…

“Ain’t no rebound shit, either, ’cause we been on and off for years. How ’bout you? You wit’ anybody or married?”

“Yup.”

The woman’s face dropped.

“Damn… that’s too bad. I didn’t see you with anyone. Where she at?”

“Oh, she’s always around. I’m married to the game, baby.”

“You so crazy!” She cackled, then leaned up so close, he could smell her cheap perfume. “Let’s exchange numbers. I need to talk to you, boo.”

“Nah, I’m good.” He threw up his hands. “It was nice talking to you right now, though.”

“Oh!” She stepped back and placed her hand over her chest, as if genuinely appalled. “So you thank you too good for me? Mothafucka, there’s a million niggas tryna get wit’ Chloe Bell! Believe dat, you pale ass, freckle-faced son of uh bitch! I don’t want yo’ White butt, no how! Funny lookin’ ass! I was just being nice.”

“And so was I. ’Cause if you weren’t my sister-in-law’s cousin, this conversation would beverydifferent right now. You’re noisy. Disrespectful. You come on strong like a man, and it’s fuckin’ weird. Even if you didn’t have a butta face, your entirepersonality would turn me off. I’m trying to be nice, but I’m getting to the end of my rope.”

She rolled her eyes, and snarled. “You probably got a small dick anyway.”

“Not as small as your brain, and your breath smells like you’ve been eating a hyena’s ass. Ol’ Chitlin’ circuit smellin’ bitch.”

“Fuck you! You uh wigger… wanna be Black so damn bad!” People began to stare in their direction as she got louder and more unruly.

He took a deep breath and rolled his eyes. That was always the go-to insult when people were too dumb to come up with anything else. “I’m not trying to be anyone but me. Fact is, I know you wanted the D, but the only hard thing you’re going to take from me is this rejection, baby. Church. Pettiness isn’t a good look. It looks almost as silly as that Easter basket hairdo you’re wearin’. Hook up with Peter Cottontail. He should be back any second to grab that shit off your scalp and hop down the road, clown ass ho. I like to fuck with the lights off bychoice, not necessity.”

With that, he turned and began to walk away.

“YOU AIN’T ALL THAT! I’mma get my brother on yo’ pastel ass! You conceited White ass trailer trash nigga!”

“You can’t evenspellconceited!”

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