Page 12 of See No Evil

She rolled her eyes and puffed on her cigarette. “That’s hard to believe, considerin’ he did the same dumb shit you did. Runnin’ away from home. Fightin’. Absenteeism from school. Caspian, too.” She sucked her teeth. “Though he was a nicer boy than Axel. Axel’s mama is stuck-up. She always thought she was better than the rest of us.”

“No she’s not, and here you go, doggin’ ’er out, all ’cause she and you got into it, like back in 1995 or some shit. I stayed with her when you kicked me out, and you didn’t like that, either. The whole reason I’m in school in the first damn place is so that I can do my own thing, so what is your problem? I have ambitions, and a plan. You just can’t be happy for me… always tryna ruin shit.”

“That cookin’ school just seems like a waste of money to me is all. You can get on-the-job trainin’ at almost any restaurant, and be workin’ and gettin’ the education at the same time. Applebee’s and what not train their cooks on the spot.” He sighed and looked up at the ceiling, chasing the rings of smoke from his cigar with his gaze. “Melanie said you paid a lot of money to get into that there school, and you took some tests ’nd all. Just seems like a waste of time and resources, if you ask me.”

“I wish I never came over here. Always some bullshit.” He leaned forward and stuck his cigar in an ashtray, extinguishing the flame.

Her cheeks drew taut, then she began to chew on her lower lip. The older woman crossed her legs in her red leggings so skintight, they looked sheer in some spots. Mama rocked her bare foot back and forth as she smoked her cigarette, staring off at the television channel that was showing some soap opera.

“I ain’t sayin’ Axel shouldn’t have helped you. I’m just sayin’ that he’ll just hold it over your head.” She drew on the cigarette harder this time around, then blew smoke from the side of her mouth.

“You real funny, you know that, Mama?”

“I’m not tryna be funny. I’m telling you God’s honest truth. You said yourself that whenever you called him when you were locked up, he wanted to talk to you about where you went wrong and what not. Like ya didn’t already know. He kicked you when you were down, so you stopped talkin’ to him.”

“And I stopped talkin’ to you, too. And Mel. And everyone else, all because I didn’t want to hear the truth. You ain’t have shit bad to say when I was dealin’ and giving you all of that money at first, before my prison stay. Payin’ for everything. When I got caught though, all of a sudden you wanted to act like I was some bad dude, because everything came crashin’ down. You was talking about you were broke and needed money, and I couldn’t help you. Melanie could only give you so much, and you was mad ’cause she stopped stripping at the club and worked at the bar instead, making less money. I’m the one who told her to get off that fuckin’ pole! That’s my sister! I gave you thousands of dollars every month! You should’ve saved that shit for a rainy day, but instead, you spent it all up on bullshit, tryna impress ya different men and friends!”

“That’s a lie, Legend, and you know it! Me and Cliff had—”

“Save it! Don’t come talkin’ to me about you and Cliff, and all the different men you had parading in and out of the mothafuckin’ house. You cared more about what the fuck theywas doin’ than what your own kids were doing, and that’s why Tarik is dead!”

“YOU AIN’T GOT NO RIGHT TO THROW THAT IN MY FACE!”

“Lady, he was yo’ son, butmybrother. I got as much right as you, up in this bitch, to say his mothafuckin’ name! You wasn’t watchin’ my big brother like you were supposed to, and tried to blame every-damn-body but yourself when he died. I guess the apple don’t fall too far from the tree, ’cause that’s what Axel said I was doing when he called me out on my shit. He loved me enough to tell me the truth!”

She got up and walked briskly to the kitchen, but he was hot on her trail.

“Where you think you going, Paula, baby?” He cackled. “Truth hurts, huh? Everything with you is simple. You never think about the big picture. Callin’ me over to the house today, talking about you just need a little money for groceries, when really it’s for another man you’ve gotten obsessed with.”

“I need money for food! This ain’t got nothing to do with any man!”

“I don’t believe that. You got a bunch of canned goods in here… bread… eggs… butter… hamburger meat and fish in the freezer.”

She turned away.

“Yeah, I checked when I came in here to pour myself a cup of coffee. I did some dumb shit when I was younger, but you ain’t raised no fool now.” He grinned. “Is this one married like the last one?” She reached for a glass from a cabinet. He noticed her hand was shaking. “Some bum askin’ you for a little bread, and you want to seem like a down ass chick, so you get it for him. ‘I got you, Papi!’ He batted his eyelashes in an exaggerated way. “Then you call me and ask me for the cash, knowin’ I got schooland I’m trying to do something with myself. You ain’t gonna ever change.”

“Are you on some shit?! Who do you think you’re talkin’ to?! Who I date is none of yer damn business. I don’t care if you’re thirty-four! You are—”

“I’m thirty-six. Don’t even know the age of your only livin’ son.” He laughed mirthlessly. “But I bet you remember the birthdays of them Rico Sauvé’s you like to run around wit’, just wanting to use you. They look at you and see a silly ass White woman, desperate for Hispanic cock. They think, she used to be pretty, but she ain’t no more ’cause life beat her down. Bags under her eyes. They look at you and think, ‘She might be desperate, so I can get away with doin’ her any ol’ kinda way. She’s unsightly. Got some medical problems. Low self-esteem. Poor. But she got way more than me, so I’m ’bout to suck her dry.’I’m a man too, Mama.

“I know how men think when we just wanna hit it and quit it, or get some money from some chick and run off. I’ve done all of that, and then some. After all these years, you still haven’t grown out of this, Mama. I love you, but I hate you for this.”

They glared at one another. His eyes burned with rage and sorrow. Her eyes glossed over with moisture, then the tears started to fall.

“Legend, I wanted you and Mel to have a father figure. Your own father abandoned us. I deserved to be happy, too! No man I brought home was ever good enough. You caused so many problems in my relationships that you’d run a lot of ’em off! Terry had a good job, and you went and pulled a knife on him!”

“Terry was on uppers, heroin and cocaine, Mama! These guys figured maybe they could get free room and board, and a green card outta you! Cid before the kids! Pedro beforeniños! Juan before spawn! You were chasin’ lovers instead of chasin’ your children. If jumpin’ on random dicks was a sport, you’dget a gold medal. You’re an old, washed-up whore. I’m a whore too, Mama…” He shrugged, then casually tossed up his hands. “Guess I got it honest, huh?”

She marched up to him and slapped him. The burn on his cheek meant nothing to him. He barely felt it physically, but deep within his soul, it was another matter.

“GET OUT!”

“Oh, I am leaving. Believe that.” He grabbed his keys from the kitchen counter and slipped them into his pocket. “But let me settle somethin’ right quick before I go. Don’t think I didn’t notice how now that I’m working a regular job, asquarejob, and can’t really do for you like that right now, you want to make Axel out to be the bad guy on the sly. He ain’t held shit over my head, butyouhave. You don’t want me to be okay, Mama. You want me to constantly fuck up because you like seeing people doing worse than you, even if it’s your own child. You justpretendedto want me to do better. Remember when you told me to stop actin’ Black when I was a kid? I had hardly been around Black kids way back then. I just liked the music. The style. The culture. It came to me naturally. It was just who I was.

“I heard you tell Donna, your little demented partner in crime, the one that smokes meth, that my father must’ve had some Black in him, and it rubbed off on me. You told her maybe if you poured bleach in my ear when I’m asleep, it would seep into my brain, and whiten me up on the inside. Y’all just laughed and laughed. Then you came into my room and destroyed all my rap CDs. Got rid of all my clothes—called them ‘thug gear.’ After that, besides Axel and Caspian, when I got older, most of my other friends were Black. You told me you didn’t understand how I ended up like this… like it was some disease. Really, you’ve hated me for a long time.”

“I don’t hate you, and I ain’t never said nothing like that ’bout any bleach and such! You made that up! Get out, Legend! Don’t make me tell you again.”

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