Page 5 of See No Evil

Another jazz song began to play, some instrumental version of a Frankie Beverly song, and he sucked his teeth in annoyance.How old are English and Axel? Maybe he calls her Old English 800 for her age, and not the drink? Gotdamn! This is some shit our parents would play.He was certain the song selections were English’s idea. She gave off old-soul vibes in the worst way.

He was tempted to bulldoze into the house and have Alexa play somerealmusic, but decided against it. After all, he’d been asked to bring some class and decorum to the event.

His stomach rumbled when he saw the caterers setting up to serve the main dishes, lined up on a table under domed covers. Perhaps now he could get some serious eatin’ on, and the appetizers were just a misunderstanding, not indicative of what was really in store. People gathered around and formed a line as a strange saxophone rendition of Anita Baker’s, ‘Sweet Love’ started to play.

He let a few older people get in front of him, then grabbed a clean plate. Axel came up behind him, smacked him in the back of the head, then laughed and ran off. He shot the man the middle finger, then started slapping what was supposed to be potato salad and burgers onto his plate.This shit looks like a mix of slop, snot, ’nd mashed taters. Hope to hell it tastes better than it looks.He sniffed the plate and tried to hide his repulsion.Why’s it smell like baby formula and cheese? Tha fuck?

After a minute or two, he finished getting his items, made his way to a seat under an umbrella, and smiled at the toddlers who played in a kiddie pool. They looked so happy and free, splashing water about and screaming with joy. He started to eat, and could barely swallow anything without gagging. Looking about, it appeared he was in good company, too, for many of the guests were wrinkling up their faces as they lived through the noxious gastronomic experience.

He put his plate down, covered it with a napkin, and started searching for English and Axel. He’d been waiting for this party, ready to really chow down, and now he regretted not wolfing down that cereal bar on his way over. A decision he’d made so as not to dampen his appetite.

He spotted English across the lawn talking to a woman with bright pink and golden hair, and made his way over.

“Yo! En!” he hollered.

She turned towards him, and although he didn’t hear her, he could read her lips. “Oh Lord, here comes Legend…”

“Yeah, here I come. Hey, what’s up wit’ the food, little mama?”

“What do you mean?” Her brows knitted. “There’s plenty of everything. If you want more, then—”

“No. I sure as hell don’t want any more of it. Have you tasted it?”

She looked at him in a strange way, cocking her head to the side and placing her hand on her hip.

“No, I wanted everyone else to get served first. What’s wrong with it?” She stared at him as if half-expecting him to tell a lie, or say something outrageous.

“Hold on.”

He rushed to grab his plate, removed the napkin, and stuck his fork into the potato salad. “Here. Eat this.” He brought the fork to her mouth. Her eyes widened, and she stepped back. “Eat it, English. I ain’t got no diseases or nothin’. I’m probably the cleanest mothafucka up in here.”Dusty ass guests…“Come on. Try it. This shit is disgusting.”

Her mouth tightened around the corners, and she huffed, rolling her eyes. Then, she reluctantly opened her mouth, and he put the fork inside.

“Oh shit,” she said around the mouthful of food. She brought her hands to her lips, her eyes grew large, and she turned gray right before his eyes. Spinning around, she spit it out onto the grass.

“I told you. And that was the best thing on this plate. Who are these people?” He pointed to the caterers who stood in the distance smiling as they dumped the nasty concoction on some poor old person’s platter.

“I can’t believe this.” English looked shaken to her core. “Axel and I had to book them months in advance! They came recommended and highly rated. Oh my God, I am so embarrassed.” She went from gray to red. He found it a bit disturbing how the woman with the strange colored hair kept staring at him without blinking, but tried not to make direct eye contact with her. “Was all the food like that, Legend? Please tell me you were kidding, and it was just the potato salad?”

“I don’t play about money and food. Yes. I’m dead serious. It was all nasty. Every bit of it tasted like vomit.”

“Shit! Okay… okay… uh…” She bit her nail and nervously darted her gaze around. It soon registered fully on her face—the realization that she was giving a party nobody would soon forget, for all the wrong reasons. “That’s it. I’m ordering pizza. Axel! AXEL!” English yelled out, turning to and fro, looking frantically for his best friend. “He must be in the house… hold on.”

English raced away and he was left standing there, by the lady with the pink and yellow hair piled up in some sort of beehive fashion. She smiled real wide, exposing a gold tooth with a diamond chip. Her fake lashes jetted out from her face a great distance.

“What’s up, wit’ yo fine self? My name is Chloe.” She extended her beringed hand, smacking her bubble gum and looking him up and down like he was a steak she wanted to bite into. Her nails were long and curved, all covered in gems and sporting various colors of glossy nail polish. They looked kind of cool actually, but he couldn’t get past her face.

“What’s up? I’m Legend.”

“Legend… I like dat name. You, uh, a friend of English or her husband?”

“I’m a friend of Axel’s, but English is like family to me, so it’s all the same now.”

“Mmmm, I see.” She grinned all the wider, the wad of light pink gum showing on the right side of her mouth. “I’m her cousin. First cousin, actually. We grew up together. This is my first time at her house. You come by here a lot?”

“Yeah. Me and Axel work together, and Cameron is my godson, so…” He shrugged. “You know… yeah.”

“Mmm, I see. Looks like I need to come ’round here more often. Oh, and I knew that food looks nasty. That’s why I ain’t even going over there. I got a bag of pork rinds in my purse. Guess I’ll eat them instead.” They both laughed at that. “Are you White? I hope I ain’t offend you, but I can’t really tell.”

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