Page 102 of Rewrite the Rules

“Well, here it comes anyway,” Cody says. “You’re still mad at your parents. And I get it. They should’ve done about a million things different while you guys were growing up. But you’re exaggerating how bad they are together and you’re looking for the worst in every marriage to punish them. Like if you hold out or some shit, you can prove to them how bad they fucked you and your childhood up. But Joel?”

“What?”

“You’re the only one who stands to lose.”

I reluctantly meet his buggy stare. His assessment hits me like a bullet. Is that true? Is this all about my parents? I’m punishing myself…to punish them? “That was impressive. Very emotionally in tune—for a brute.”

Cody flips me off. “I’m reading and watching a lot of TED Talks on self-actualization these days. You’d be surprised how much emotional work you can get done when you aren’t training twelve hours a day, six days a week. I picked up a book on crochet too if you ever want—”

“Cody, since you dropped a truth grenade on me, I’m going to do the same.” I stand and smack his back chummily. “You need to get a job, bro.”

“Dude…” Cody hangs his head. “I know. I binge-watched season one ofBridgertonlast week. I loved it…I’m getting weird.”

I laugh as I grab us another round from the fridge. “What should I do about Adler?” I ask over my shoulder.

“Be in the moment. Quit making all these plans that you can’t possibly figure out right now. Who knows, maybe you guys date for a while, she really gets to know you, and she ends up dumping your ass. That’d be a fun twist in the story, right?”

“Again…” I point the tip of my middle finger straight to the ceiling. “…you need to move out.” Cody laughs, unaffected. It’s a relief to have him here. I don’t have anyone else I can talk to like this. Except maybe Adler. But I feel like asking Adler if I should take a chance on officially dating her would be a confusing conversation for her.

“Not leaving. I’ve become accustomed to your fancy standard of living, my friend. I’ll take my escargot on the terrace this morning.” I don’t know why I’m scared of marriage. I clearly already have a wife.

“Fine. But you need to earn your keep. Tell me what to say to fix this. I’m going to call her—”

“Whoa, hold up. You’re not going to fix this by just calling her. You did not come off great in those texts. You need to perform some top-tier romance shit to make things right.”

“What exactly does that entail?”

Cody rubs his hands together. “It means, throw down the black card. Flex a bit.”

I pull my phone back out, praying there’s enough grace left in Adler to at least respond to me.

Me:Hey, how are you?

Adler:What do you want?

“Tell her you’re sorry and you were a complete douchebag and you’d rather run your dick through a woodchopper than spend another minute in a world where you two aren’t together,” Cody says,helpfully.

“Yeah, I’m not saying that.”

Me:You. I’m sorry it took me so long to respond.

Adler:I meant it when I said I can’t keep doing this.

Me:You told me you wanted an official relationship.

Adler:And then you ignored me for two days. Point taken.

Me:Not the point I wanted to make. I want to see you tonight so we can talk.

Adler:Just text it.

Me:Aren’t we too old to become girlfriend and boyfriend over text?

Adler agrees to see me, albeit reluctantly, but I can’t blame her at this point. Lucky for us, I plan on pulling out all the stops for redemption this evening. It’s just one tiny step forward. It doesn’t have to mean the world. I care about her more than anyone before. I promised I wouldn’t go there again but…I don’t know…maybeCody is right. In time my heart will catch up.

All I know is that Adler may not love the term friend as much as I do, but to me it’s more thefriendspart than thebenefitspart that has me thinking it’s worth the risk to give us a real try.

thirty-five

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