Page 32 of The Rich One

I’ve been pretending it’s all just fine, fine, fine since that awful night, but inside I was devastated. The problem is, since that night, they’ve been dating on and off for years. They’ll fall into bed together, date for a couple of months because Freya doesn’t want to feel like a slut—her words not mine—and then, inevitably, they’ll break up because Kai isn’t giving her the attention she deserves. Again, her words.

I’m over it. In fact, I’m pretty sure they’ll fuck tonight, in the morning they’ll be all over each other like newlyweds, and by the Winter Solstice it’ll be off again. Lather, rinse, repeat.

As I bring out the last of the giant pillows and warm blankets, I have a fleeting thought about my Candy Aisle Guy. Nathaniel’s face flashes in my mind just as I drop the load I’m carrying onto the grass. His smile makes my heart beat increase just the tiniest bit as I arrange the covers and fluff the pillows. The cerulean of the fabric matches the exact color of his eyes, making the corners of my mouth rise just enough for me to feel a little bit of warmth in my chest. All around me, the sounds of paper and crystals swaying in the light breeze remind me of the feel of soft breath on my skin.

“Shit, man. Did we do it on purpose?” Frowning, I turn to my brother and consider maybe he’s too high to continue setting anything up.

“What do you mean?” I look around, trying to see things from his perspective.

“Holy shit.” Kai’s low murmur is closer to me than I expect, earning him a small gasp from me.

“It’s exactly the same.” Now, it’s Freya’s wonderment that’s joined the mix and I’m just confused.

It’s only when I step back and look at the scene in front of us that I understand. My heart swells behind my ribcage, the familiar ache of missing my parents all-consuming as I realize we’ve set up the entire scene like our parents before us. It’s a miniature version, sure, but it’s exactly the same pattern.

The fire pit in the middle and six bundles of blankets and giant pillows—color coded for each of the families back then—are meticulously arranged around the now-growing fire. I’m standing at what would have been my family’s bundle—oranges and browns with a touch of cream.

We’re all quiet for a moment until Petal’s voice breaks the reminiscent trance we’re drowning in from the memories of our past lives.

“Okay, here’s the last of it!” Everest is the first to move, helping his wife to carry the pies and a bowl of water that we blessed earlier, which now needs to sit in the moonlight.

I feel him before I hear the words at my ear. “Remember, River, we always share a blanket.” His pinky caresses the heart-shaped beauty mark at my neck, and he fucking knows it makes me pliable. Makes me soft. But even his touch can only go so far.

“Well, I’m sure Freya would have something to say about that.” I turn to him and smile like the world is a-okay. His sigh is barely discernible and the glance over my shoulder discreet, but I know him. The last thing Kai wants is to hurt anyone, but right now he’s torn between what’s familiar and what’s easy.

I’m the latter, apparently.

“Excuse me, I need to grab the paper and pens for theWish on the Ash.” I linger just a second longer than I should, reading his dilated pupils tinged with wariness and lust. The downward curve of his lips and the crease between his brows. Is he regretting inviting Freya? Or is he coming to grips with the fact that we are no more? Never actually were… anything? In my heart, I’ve always blamed Freya for coming between us, but for fuck’s sake, we’re adults and he and I have had years to make a decision.

But then my job has always been my barrier, hasn’t it? How could I possibly have any type of relationship with Kai while fucking other men for cash? I can’t. I won’t. Even if he gave me permission—which he abso-fucking-lutely would never—I still wouldn’t want my two worlds to co-exist. The mere fact that he knows anything about Tyler is making my anxiety skyrocket.

It takes a while, but we’re all finally settled in our blankets. Everest and Petal are snuggling, sharing a piece of apple pie and whispering sweet nothings to each other—or maybe filthy nothings, who the fuck knows? Lianna and Becca, Petal’s sister and her wife, are right across the fire from me, and to my right is Kai. He’s alone, which shouldn’t make me so fucking happy, but it does, and on his other is side is Freya looking more sad than joyful. I wouldn’t be surprised if we wore the same facial expressions. After all, we’re both pining for the same man.

Correction.She’spining, I’m coming to grips with the never-could-be of my life.

“Okay, everyone. It’s time.” Petal’s mother, Marie, begins. As the oldest, her and Peter will preside over the rituals. I’m glad because I’m in no emotional shape to lead this thing. The idea of doing it once they pass is bad enough. I have time though, thank fuck. “Mother Nature has blessed us with a cloudless sky and our sister, the moon, is gorgeous as ever, bathing us in her light.”

I scoot up under my blankets and cross my legs, tilting my head back and facing the moon. There’s something about this position that soothes me. It calms me. A bit like when Tyler takes the reins and fucks the worries right out of me.

Ugh. Okay, I need to concentrate.

Moon. Light. Ritual. Bathing. All the fucking moonbathing.

“Let us close our eyes and face the moon, accept her cleansing of our bodies, our minds, and our souls. This is a time for reflection. Let us take a minute of solitude to think back on the last twelve months and give our thanks to the bountiful mother that is our Nature.”

My eyes closed, I picture the last year like a series of PowerPoint slides that cross my mind’s eye. The men, the money, the dubious clients and the impossible situations. I allow myself to briefly ponder the most frightening part of my year, the violation and the pain, the utter helplessness on that fateful night with a client I never should have taken.

I think back on all the sex I’ve had—some satisfying, some coma-inducing—and all the opportunities my orgasms have provided my brother.

They say money doesn’t buy you happiness, but enough of it can bring a worry-free smile to our faces.

I think about Kai; about the number of times I’ve let him kiss me, touch me; the times he’s pulled me into tight, secluded spaces and fucked me until my legs couldn’t hold me up. I think about the lies, the omissions, the ideas I let them create about what I really do in Manhattan. Why I live there and not here.

I can’t tell them the truth about the rich, available clients ready to fuck me for the equivalent of a month’s rent. I doubt they’d appreciate my brand of honesty.

Then I let it all go. I let the breeze take away the negative emotions and breathe in the clean positivity that I’ll need for the coming new year.

My body freezes as the heat under my blanket turns to chill before transforming into an inferno. The rustling of the covers and pillows make me lose my train of thought, but the feel of a warm, hard body sidling up to me is what finally does me in.

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