Page 38 of In Just One Day

‘Not at all, Mack. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it. Seeing her like this, it’s just so awful to watch. And to not be able to make her feel better…’

‘But you will be helping, more than you know. Now,’ Mack lowered his glasses and peered at the screen in front of him, ‘can you take a look at today’s orders? Make sure I’ve not missed anything? Then I can take the van out later.’

‘Sure. Thank you.’

Mack nodded. ‘My pleasure. I’m just going to go and make some fresh coffee.’ Slowly, he made his way up the stairs.

Johnny peered out into the courtyard where Flora sat perched on the wall, eyes closed with her face to the sun. He noticed her hands were in her lap, her fingers holding the rose. Then she leaned down and picked up a small white feather from the ground, holding it between thumb and finger. She looked at it, a faint smile on her face, before letting it go and watching it float gently back down.

17

Robin walked slowly over to Kate’s bedside, putting the cup of hot tea down carefully on top of her book on the table.

She waited until he’d gone before opening her eyes. In all the years they’d been married, she’d always been the first up, even back when Robin used to catch an early train to London for work. She’d have tea and toast ready for him on the table, the crossword half-done so that she could ask him about the ones she was stuck on before he left, see if he had any bright ideas. Now, for the first time in her life, she just couldn’t bring herself to get out of bed, preferring to stay in the half-dark of their bedroom. There she could just lie and lie and think of nothing.

In the weeks since Billy’s memorial service, friends had called by, but Kate hadn’t wanted to see anyone. Flowers had been left on the doorstep with handwritten notes, all shown to Kate by Robin. Food arrived – endless quiches and lasagnes, pots of home-made jam and bottles of wine – but as much as he tried gently to persuade her that she might like a walk in the garden or down along the river, or to see a friend for a short while, she just shook her head.

Robin had tried again, unsuccessfully, the evening before, to suggest something they might do that day. Now, returning downstairs, he went back into the kitchen to answer the ringing phone. It was Flora.

‘I was worried. Mum didn’t answer her mobile.’

‘She’s still in bed, actually.’

‘Really?’ Flora checked her watch. It was after eleven.

‘I’m not really sure what to do.’ Robin spoke quietly, not wanting Kate to hear him talking about her. He looked out at the garden, the trees now bare, the flowers in the beds mostly gone.

‘Oh, Dad, I’m sorry not to be there to help.’ Flora felt guilty even saying the words. The truth was she couldn’t face seeing her mother like this and was relieved not to be there, having to deal with it.

‘It’s OK, darling. I’m sure she’ll start to feel better soon.’

‘Has she seen anyone?’

‘Not a soul. She refuses. And given how many friends she has, there has been quite the procession of people to the house. I’ve never made so many cups of tea.’

‘Oh, Dad, I wish I could come and help. But I just can’t… I’ve got the kids. And work.’ Another pang of guilt.

‘I know, don’t apologise. Life does go on but your mother’s not ready yet. She doesn’t want to talk about it. All I can do is be here for her, I think.’

‘I’ll come over at the weekend, bring Pip and Tom.’

‘I’ll tell her. I think she’d love that. I’m sure she won’t say no to her grandchildren. How are they?’

‘Amazing, really. They still ask lots of questions and I find that quite hard. About the accident, I mean. I want to talk about Billy, but not about the accident.’

‘And you, Flora, how are you? How’s Johnny?’

‘We’re OK, really, Dad. Johnny has been amazing, doing most of the school runs. I’m back at the shop, though. I needed to do something. Sitting at home was doing me no good at all. I’m better off keeping busy.’

‘Quite.’ Robin looked at the pile of unopened letters to Kate on the table. ‘Right, I’d better go. I’ll take up some toast, see if I can persuade her at least to get dressed today, perhaps come out for a bit of fresh air later.’

‘Dad, before you go…’

Robin’s heart sank. The conversation they’d had at the party all those weeks ago had been left where it was, neither daring to bring it back up again at a time of such devastation. ‘Yes, darling?’

‘I just want to say, what we talked about at the party, I’m sorry if I put you on the spot. Can we just pretend it didn’t happen?’

‘It’s forgotten.’

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