Page 86 of Forever My Saint

There is no point being naïve in this situation—come nightfall, when I board that plane, Alek will be dead.

With a sigh, I gently lift Saint’s arm off me as I don’t want to wake him and quietly dress. I leave him sleeping peacefully as I walk to the house, in desperate need of coffee.

Heavy snow has fallen overnight, and regardless of my circumstances, I can’t help but marvel at how beautiful the simplicity is. Underneath it all lies an entirely different landscape, but the whiteness conceals the horrors and gives one a sense that everything is pure.

If only that were true.

I let myself in through the back door, relishing in the warmth from the fireplace and the aroma of coffee. No one is in the kitchen, but someone is up. I help myself to the freshly brewed coffee, inhaling deeply when I draw the mug to lips.

I’m not hungry, so I decide to get ready once I’m done with my coffee. I’ve packed but want to look over everything again and familiarize myself with my belongings. Pavel said everything is taken care of, but I don’t want to be caught off guard if asked my birthdate and have a mind freeze.

Truth be told, I’m nervous, and I need a distraction for so many reasons. When I hear gentle footsteps enter the kitchen, it appears my distraction has come in the form of Ingrid. I’m about to ask how she slept, but when I notice her red-rimmed eyes, I don’t bother.

“What’s the matter?” I ask her, placing my mug onto the counter.

She runs a hand down her face, shaking her head. “He’s gone.”

“Who’s gone?” I ask. However, when fresh tears fill her eyes, I know who.

I take a moment to process what she’s just revealed. Even though I never expected a heartfelt farewell, I at least thought I’d have a chance to say goodbye. Alek, it seems, had other ideas and preferred to slip away undetected.

“Maybe he went for a walk?” I suggest even though I’m certain that’s not the case.

Ingrid nods in hope, but when Zoey enters, she shatters any scenario and presents the truth. “He didn’t go for a walk. He’s gone.”

I want to question what makes her so sure, but the pink tinge to her cheeks is all the answer I need. “I drank too much last night and ended up in his room,” Zoey explains. “I…kissed him. He kissed me back. But it was filled with finality…and longing for someone else.” I avert my eyes. “So I left. I was going to apologize this morning for my unwanted advances, but all of his stuff was gone.”

Well, it seems she wasn’t as over him as she thought she was. But we all know firsthand the potency of Alekesi.

I clear my throat, suddenly uncomfortable.

Ingrid lowers her eyes, wounded. I don’t know what went on between her and Alek, but it’s no secret she loved him. I don’t doubt his feelings for her—I saw it—but we will never know for certain because he’s gone.

For him to slip away into the dark of night is so…anticlimactic, but it’s also very Alek.

He doesn’t care about anyone other than himself. He didn’t think of others who may want to say goodbye, like Ingrid or maybe even me. I don’t know why it’s important, but saying goodbye to him once and for all was like closing this chapter for good. But now, I’ll always be left with this unresolved feeling within.

“Did he leave a note?” Ingrid asks, clinging onto a small shred of hope.

When Zoey looks at her like she’s fucking insane, that’s all the answer she needs.

“If you’ll excuse me.” Ingrid doesn’t wait for either of us to say a word. She hurries back to her room where, I assume, she’ll mourn the death of someone she loved.

Her departure leaves me alone with Zoey, who, for the first time, looks sheepish. But I’m not here to judge her. Her decisions are hers alone to make.

“Coffee?”

Her eyebrows shoot up into her hairline. It’s clear she wasn’t expecting me to behave so civilly toward her. But she nods.

Turning around, I reach for a mug in the cupboard and pour her a cup. When I offer it to her, she looks at it like I’ve slipped in some poison, and I can’t blame her. It’s not like I haven’t done it before. She finally accepts.

This isn’t at all awkward.

We sip our coffees in silence because although there is much to discuss, it seems neither of us have the energy to engage in small talk. We’re both surprised by Alek’s decision to leave unannounced, but while Zoey is saddened by his decision, I am enraged that it was that easy for him to walk away.

Yes, last night, we said informal goodbyes, but he owes me, he owes Saint more than this. I can’t help but think that he took the coward’s way out. He’d rather slip away than be forced to look Saint in the eyes and accept defeat. I feel cheated.

“I thought you’d be happy he’s gone,” Zoey says, in tune to my thinking.

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