Page 89 of Dr. Off Limits

Sutton

I hadn’t been in the lecture theatre since our first two weeks in the hospital, which seemed like a lifetime ago. But in just two weeks we were on to our next rotations, and Wanda was about to announce who was going where.

I couldn’t help be pulled back to the moment I’d seen Jacob standing in front of me, realizing he wasn’t in Africa. I couldn’t regret what had happened between us—I just wish it hadn’t been doomed from the start.

We filed in and took our spots. The only difference was I wasn’t sitting near Gilly this time. I’d steered clear of her since our conversation outside Jacob’s house. There’d been no leaked rumors about me and Jacob so I knew she hadn’t said anything. Either she believed what I’d said about dropping off a book or she understood that she shouldn’t cross me. I didn’t care which one it was.

“Feels like old times,” Veronica said.

It did and it didn’t. I was less enthusiastic than I had been a little over three months ago. Since then, I’d fallen in love and had to give him up. For this job. The decision had robbed me of my enthusiasm. Hopefully it would come back.

“Do you know what rotation you want next?” I asked.

“I don’t mind,” she said. “I’m going to see where the wind blows.”

What a privilege it was to just let things take their course. This was probably the first time since I’d left my mum’s house at sixteen that I’d had such a luxury.

“I heard they’re going to be announcing the top six FY1s today—one for each rotation,” Veronica said.

Everyone was so worked up about the award, but I knew a job in this hospital was the real prize.

“We’re only two weeks away. I heard if you don’t win recognition along the way, it doesn’t exclude you from the final prize.” She shrugged.

“Who did you hear this from?”

“A couple of people.”

Wanda came in waving a clipboard in her hand. “Let’s get to it. None of us have time to mess about. Just to reiterate—nothing has changed. When I announce which rotations you’re in next, there is no discussion, no swapping, no special cases. You will take the next rotation you are given without complaint or comment. Is that understood?” She looked up from where she was running her finger down a page.

A murmur of agreement rippled through the now-weary twenty-five of us.

“Let’s start with general surgery,” she said.

I was the second name she read off the list. Veronica the third.

“Eeek,” Veronica whispered from beside me. “We’re together.”

“And fewer nights,” I said. I didn’t think I’d end up a surgeon, but I was prepared to keep an open mind and give it my all.

After all the rotations were announced and we got answers to questions about various administrative issues, Wanda said, “If there’s nothing else, we can get back to it.”

Gilly’s hand shot straight up into the air.

Wanda nodded.

“When are the interim announcements for the foundation award?”

Wanda narrowed her eyes. “The foundation award being... the award that’s given to the most promising foundation doctor at the end of the program?” Her smile widened and she shook her head.

“Yes,” Gilly said. “I heard there was going to be an interim announcement.”

“There’s no interim announcement. I can’t believe that rumor is still in circulation. I’m here to tell you that not only are there no interim announcements, there is no award at the end of the two years. We’re not in competition with each other. The only person you need to be competing with is yourself. You will all have some skills that are more developed than others. Some of you will naturally gravitate to certain specialisms and some of you will be good at most things. There is no one-size-fits-all doctor and there is no one-size-fits-no-one prize. Hospital medicine is all about working in teams—teams of doctors, nurses, radiographers, porters, admin staff—you name it. And it’s also about working between our disciplines. There’s no award because it makes no sense to single people out. Will there be stars of the year? For some, probably. Will there be late developers? Yes, indeed. Will there be oddballs and misfits and thinkers and doers? Yes, yes, yes, and yes. We welcome you all. A hospital needs lots of different brains and abilities to be able to function.

“I don’t want to hear about competition anymore. I want to hear about cooperation. About learning. About development. I want you all to push yourselves to be the very best doctors you can be. That, as far as I’m concerned, is the best award you’ll ever receive.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. All these people had been focused on a reward that didn’t even exist.

It didn’t change anything for me. And it didn’t change anything between Jacob and me. I didn’t want my professional success questioned because I happened to be in a relationship with such a high-profile consultant.

Foundation award or not, Jacob and I simply weren’t meant to be.

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