Page 413 of Now and Forever

Chapter 155

Reiss

The room held little to no lighting. Usually, she left one curtain parted to allow some light, yet tonight, it was almost black, and I could barely make out the details of the room and its furniture. Thank the gods I knew the familiar route towards the bed.

The second I reached the side of the bed that I usually occupied; I focused my eyes on her, wanting to see a glimpse of her loveliness. For a moment, I simply admired her.

Taking one shoe off after the other, I took off my tie before shedding the rest of my clothes, only leaving my bottoms on. Sliding into the bed, I placed both hands behind my head and shut my lids to recap the horrid night I’d had. Of all the venomous people to see tonight, I had to have the unfortunate luck to be greeted by the leader of the pack.

“You’re here …” I heard Ava mumble before saying, “How did it go?” She sounded as if she was asking how my day or a meeting had gone, totally the polar opposite of the shrieking woman I had pictured in my head.

“Ava, about tonight, we can talk about it if you like.”

I heard her sigh before saying, “Reiss, please, you don’t have to do this. It’s fine. You can go by yourself to these events. There’s no need for you to explain yourself or feel bad about. You were clear in the beginning, and I have accepted that. As I said before, having you this way is better than nothing, and I stand by that decision.”

“What do you mean?” I sounded exactly as I felt, frustrated as hell. “So are you telling me you’re fine with me going out, wining and dining other women, just as long as you have me come home to you every night? Am I getting this right, or am I off the mark?”

She made another sigh, the sound starting to grate on me. “I don’t need you to feel like it’s an obligation to take me with you when you socialize since I’m carrying your baby or we’re sleeping together,” she grounded out, sounding more level-headed as the time ticked away. “It’s fine, and I mean that, Reiss. So, please, you need not worry.”

“How can you sound so calm and tell me not to worry? Everything about this is making me bloody worry. You acting rather nonchalant about other women makes me believe you would readily tolerate such behavior from me. I truly apologize if my past actions led you to believe such, but I don’t want any of this. The more time I’ve had to think about it, the more I have come to believe that I don’t want anyone else sparking your interest due to my neglect of you.”

“Reiss, you haven’t neglected me. I just know how these marriages work. I see this sort of relationship happen all the time, so you don’t have to feel awful about it.” She reached out to touch my chest, as if trying to soothe the tension that was wired into my body.

“You’re not getting my point, Ava! Just for a second, please, just listen to me.” Pressing my temples, I pulled myself together and sat up on the bed, somewhat slouched as I blindly stared into the ocean of comforters and sheets. “I want this to work. I don’t want some complicated relationship with you that’s based on an agreement and nothing more. I’m trying to tell you that I want a marriage— a real one—with you.” I suddenly felt nervous when she didn’t respond; however, I didn’t glance back, needing courage to finish what I had to say before facing her and what she thought of it. “I want a family, maybe a couple more kids after this little bun. Marriage has always been on my mind, although I never really thought it would happen since I paid little attention to making it happen before.

“What I told you at The Savoy about me telling the woman I loved to wait because she was who I wanted to marry … it was all a lie. I made that up to somehow build a protection around me, and at the same time, for you not to have any designs other than what we’d agreed upon. I was in the wrong to that because, you see, I had underestimated your power over me.

“I should’ve taken a lesson from the past—it would be an impossibility for me to ever resist you, Ava. Apart from the brilliant chemistry between us, we also have this bond that I’ve shared with no one else. I’m comfortable with you. I can be myself without having to always worry about my partner accusing me of being neglectful. We enjoy each other’s laughter as much as we enjoy our joined silence while we simply drift into our own worlds.

“I have no doubt in my mind that you’re going to be a splendid mother. I also have no reservations that you will do everything in your power to keep us both—the child and I—happy in your care and in our home. You have this calming energy about you that lulls my troubles away. Maybe it’s simply how much you represent one of the happiest times of my life. But none of it matters if you don’t see a future for us, or anything past having the baby.

“Tonight … tonight, I realized how much I wanted you to be there, standing next to me. I actually pictured you whispering silly things or rather fun facts about the people we’d encountered. Your sense of humor is off beat, but I think it’s cute, and I want all of that. I want all of you.

“These past weeks have been nothing short of amazing, and I want this—us—to continue. I want us to be weathering all the good and the bad, hand in hand, as we tackle them together.

“Being with you made me realize how much I need you with me. You make me feel as if I’m truly living. For years, I have been living a lie, believing that everything was perfect and nothing would ever crumble the world I had made for myself, but you came along and proved me wrong. You appeared out of nowhere, just as you had that first time, and effortlessly took my breath away.

“I’m not perfect, nor do I want to be. I have the oddest tendency of being a bastard and unapologetically irrational when jealous. Also, I have the hardest time trying to put my emotions into words, which must tell you how difficult of a journey it was for me to get to the point where I can openly tell you I want this to work, forever if you’re willing.

“I’m sure you already know that you didn’t marry a saint, but I can give you my word that I’m loyal, and I’ll be your greatest advocate, to cheer you on when you’re feeling blue or when your mother decides to grace us with her superiority. I’m going to be here, next to you, holding you because you and I are a unit.

“I also can’t promise that, along the way, I won’t let you down a time or two, and I hope, when that time comes, you won’t give up on me, because even though I know I can be a stubborn fool, I won’t ever leave you. So, to save us both the argument and screams, I’m giving you an advanced warning where that’s concerned.”

I took a moment, recalling everything. “The past made us who we are today, and even though it was a turning point in my life, I didn’t ever regret loving you. True, I hated you on sight, but that all stemmed from rejection, amongst other things. But I have moved past that, setting it aside, and all the emotional baggage I have harbored is gone. I won’t ever forget what it did to me, but it’s time to bury the hatchet and move forward.”

Letting myself look at her, I shifted to fully face her before gathering both of her hands with mine, holding on to them to show her how much I meant all of this. “I care about your happiness, and if you think or doubt for a moment that I’m not the man to give you the kind of joy you’re seeking from a partner, then I’ll gladly step away and let you go, though reluctantly, of course.” Seeking her eyes, I held my breath as I read her eyes, hoping they could clue me in on how she would respond.

“Reiss, I appreciate you telling me this. In fact, you spilling all of those pent up emotions enlightened me as to what you have been going through. But, for the past weeks, haven’t you listened to a word I’ve told you?” She frowned as she made a small shake of her head, as if she couldn’t believe how clueless I was. “Men!” she ferociously exclaimed before giving me the evil eye.

“When I said I loved you, it meant that I’m here for as long as you want me, for as long as you need me. It might sound tragic to some, but I don’t have any pride or ego left, because for ten years, I’ve used it all up. And, now that I have you in the most unconventional ways, I’m willing to make this opportunity work, one way or the other. So, when I say I love you, you shouldn’t think that I will walk away because you’re acting like a bloody fool or the complete insufferable prick that you can truly be at most times … because that’s the thing, I love you even when you’re being such a dastardly bastard.

“I love you in all of your moods and colors. I’ve come to love you, Reiss, not all these grand trappings you can provide, though I admit it’s rather impressive. It’s you that I want, not what you represent.” A tiny smile played on her lips, her eyes glowing with love. “I love you as Reiss, and I love you as Craig, although I love you even more being Craig Reiss Chambers because this man came into my life, turning it upside down, blazing into it with little care for consequences. Though he was resistant in the beginning, our connection was too deep to be ignored. I knew…I just had to wait for the right time that he’ll realize that this time…I’m here to stay.” She smiled. “I had to do a little extra digging to find out what was the connection between the names…money could really be useful sometimes when trying to unlock someone’s past.”

Well, knowing how she worked, I wasn’t even surprised that she went above and beyond to figure this one out without asking me. Typical Ava.

“I—” I cleared my throat, partially grinning. “So, does that mean you’re staying to be my wife? I’m not sure if you heard, but I stated that I wanted to be married forever, and that’s a rather long time. If you change your mind twenty years down the road, you’d have a better success rate at plotting my demise than getting a divorce from me, so you should think long and hard, princess.”

Rolling her eyes, she snorted before taking me down so I was atop her pliant body. “If you’re trying to scare me away, you better do a better job since this rather laughable attempt is too poor of one to be taken seriously.”

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