Page 50 of Charming Cruel Boys

“What if I can’t?” I whisper, pulling my knees to my chest and wrapping my arms around them.

Knight shrugs, his jaw tense despite the lax way he’s holding himself. “Then I’ll throw down with your sperm donor before he gets his hands on you again.” He says it so matter-of-factly that I do a double take to make sure he’s not insulting me somehow. I know he has that thing about my ‘safety’ that he went off about when Jackson attacked me, but I guess I didn’t really believe him. I hate admitting this, but knowing that Knight really cares about my physical well-being makes me despise him a tiny bit less. “What?” he asks when he catches me gaping at him.

“I just, um… Nothing. You don’t have to do that, though. I can fight my own battles.”

“Well, I think you’ve fought enough for tonight, at least. Take a break and we can study again tomorrow when your mind is clear.” He takes my homework and sets it on my bedside table before leaning his back against the wall, lacing his fingers together behind his head and looking far too comfortable on my bed. “Can I tell you something?”

“Sure,” I answer cautiously.

“When I found you sitting on that park bench in the middle of the night, scared to death of going home, I was pissed. I didn’t understand it then. I thought about snapping at you, telling you to suck it up because at least you have a dad. Mine’s dead. I’d give anything to go home drunk and have him yell at me, but that’ll never happen. But now, I know better. I guess you never realize the kind of hell someone is living in until you’re right there with them.”

I snort and shake my head. “Good thing you kept your mouth shut that night. I probably would have dick-punched you.”

He laughs and throws a pillow at me, looking so carefree for a moment that it’s startling. “I probably would have gotten turned on and hate-fucked you if you touched my dick in any capacity, so lucky you.”

My smile dies and I swallow, biting back the words on my tongue.Maybe I would have liked it.I scoot down and rest my head on a pillow and Knight lays down on the other side of the queen-sized bed, his back to the door and his eyes on me. “You should go before my dad finds you in my bed. It’d set him off all over again,” I mumble, refusing to think about the way my heart is beating too fast in my chest. It’s not very often that Knight and I have quiet, calm moments like this, but when we do, it reminds me of before. When I thought he was a good guy hiding beneath a rough exterior. When I thought I could fall for him and survive. Instead, he left me bleeding out and comes back to toy with the remains whenever I start to think I might be okay again.

Knight hesitates before shaking his head. “He left. Stormed right out the front door and into his car after the fight. I’ll hear the garage open and I’ll leave before he can find us. I’d never risk you like that.”

I sigh and close my eyes, fighting back tears. Why does he always do this? Knight can be a raging dick or the most considerate protector, it’s just a switch in his mind. If he was this caring with me all the time, I’d be so deep in love with him by now, I’d never find my way out again. No doubt about it. “What kind of girl would it take for you to fall in love?” I ask quietly, opening my eyes again and finding him staring at me.

He blinks a few times, a soft blush rising in his cheeks. “What?”

“I don’t know. You’re always so hateful and guarded. I’d like to think there’s someone out there who could soften you up. Someone you’d protect instead of attack. I guess, I’m curious to know who she would have to be.” I can’t stand to look at him as I ask the stupid question, so I trace invisible patterns over my comforter, trying not to shift uncomfortably.

Knight blows out a breath, turning onto his back and looking at the ceiling. “There is a girl. I met her a few years ago, but I never had the balls to make her mine… She’s kind, forgiving, smart, caring. She’s so damn strong. She doesn’t falter or run when things are hard. She can take it all and still smile. It’s this warm, loving expression that guts me and lights me up at the same time. She handles my shit and gives it right back, and for some fucking reason, she hasn’t completely given up on me yet. She’s beautiful, breathtaking really. Her laugh is the best kind of high and she’s so damn cute when she’s mad. And you’re right, I’d protect her until my dying breath, even if it she’s totally clueless about it.”

I hum and close my eyes, my heart racing and breaking all at once. “She sounds lovely. Of course you’ve fallen for her. Maybe one day, you’ll get to keep her. Maybe once you’re happy with her, you won’t be so mean to me.”

Sleep begins to pull me under. I must be imagining it when Knight traces his fingers across my jaw and tucks my hair behind my ear. “I hope I can win her over when all this is done,” he whispers right before I drift off.

34

Remi

Truetohisword,Knight knocks on my bedroom door the next evening, holding his school work and wearing a decidedly less grumpy expression than he usually has. I wave him inside and then settle on the foot of the bed with my homework laid out. I’m risking the dangers of his proximity. The floor was not kind to my ass.

We get to work studying and trading notes, and the next thing I know, over an hour has slipped by. Knight clears his throat when I put my pencil down. I look up at him and he gives me a tight smile. “This is going to sound weird, and I’m not answering whatever questions you’ll have for me, but do you know if your dad has any hiding spot around the house where he might keep things? Important documents?”

“If he’s got anything like that, it’ll be in his office. I’m not allowed in there unless he calls me in and then it’s usually a punishment of some kind so I don’t look around. Why?”

Knight shakes his head, his jew tense and his fists balled tight. “Did you ever think about asking for help when he’d hit you?”

I blanch, ashamed at how pathetic and weak my dad makes me feel. “He never hit me until recently. Spanks, sure, yeah, but never my face. He was a big fan of cutting words, though. A lot like you,” I say bitterly.

He ignores that little barb. “He spanked you your entire childhood. He ever leave bruises?” Knight asks roughly, watching me with an intense expression.

I swallow down the bile rising in my throat as I think over the many times I was too sore to sit, the long pants I’d have to wear during the summer to hide the welts on my thighs. With a slow nod, I say, “Yeah... But growing up like that, I didn’t know any better. I always thought everyone got treated the same way.”

“Right,” Knight says, sighing heavily and giving me a pitying look. “Would there be any records anywhere? Teachers that noticed? Did you ever tell anyone?”

“No. Like I said, I thought my childhood was normal,” I mutter. It wasn’t until middle school when I realized my life was darker than my classmates’. I was in the locker room, changing for P.E. As I swapped out my jeans for gym shorts, a few girls saw the bruising. Instead of being concerned, they made fun of me, but it was that moment when I looked around the room and had an epiphany. Nobody else had marks on their skin like mine. Nobody else got punished at home the way I did. By then, it was too late. Or, I don’t know, maybe not. But I thought so, at least. Finding out a highly respected man in town is unreasonably cruel behind closed doors? I didn’t think anyone would believe me and it wasn’t worth sending my father into a rage to try.

Knight curses under his breath, pulling out a pack of cigarettes and flipping the top open and closed.

“What’s going on?” I ask, chewing on my lip until it bleeds. My nerves are rioting and I feel sick. I don’t like thinking about the past.

“You won’t be eighteen until July,” he points out as if I don’t know. “That’s a long way to wait when there’s the threat of violence every single day. If I said I was trying to help you get out of here sooner, before graduation, would you believe me?”

---