Page 39 of My Summer Fling

Even as the words were coming out of my mouth I knew I was fucking up. But I couldn’t stop them. It was like the dam had broken and there was no off switch. It was like I was physically watching her heart break little by little with every sentence that fell from my lips.

I let myself down. I let her down. And I let Teddy down.

“Fuck!” I scream again, gripping marble countertop.

I take some deep breaths, trying to sort through my rapidly swirling thoughts. I’m going to have to think of something to fix this. I refuse to leave her like this.

Feeling like I’m almost on autopilot, I start searching the house for a broom. Once I find one, I clean up the mess I made with her coffee mug and then move on to the rest of the house. I’ve never really been able to remain idle when I’m like this, especially when I need to think something through.

I clean the entire place from top to bottom, getting every nook and cranny I can find. And by the time I’m done, my head is more level and my emotions are under control. I know the only way to start fixing this is to talk to Teddy. He’s the biggest obstacle that’s been holding me back from her since the beginning. The fear of his judgement and disapproval because he knows who I was back then.

But that’s the point I need to make with him. That’s who I was, not who I am. I’ve changed and I need to make him realize that I’m going to try to be good enough for his sister. I’ll work on it every damn day if it means I get to keep both of them in my life.

I go outside and sit on the porch swing, dialing Teddy’s number while I try to fight the nerves that are making my entire body shake. My foot bounces on the floor, making the swing creak with the constant movement.

“Hey man!” Teddy says when he answers the phone.

“Hey Teddy.”

“That’s your something is on your mind voice.” I hear him tell Beth he’s going outside, and then the door shuts as I imagine him walking onto their balcony. “What’s wrong? Is Millie okay?”

I give a humorless laugh. “Yeah, that’s why I’m calling. I hate to call you for this conversation but … it couldn’t wait until you’re in town for a face-to-face.”

“Okay,” he drawls.

“Look, something happened with me and Millie while I’ve been here this summer and …” I trail off, not sure how the fuck to actually tell him this.

“And you fucked it up again?” he asks.

I’m silent.

“Yeah, man. I’m not an idiot. When Millie came to stay with us for a weekend and then suddenly wanted nothing to do with you … it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that something happened between the two of you.”

“But you never said anything. Why didn’t you beat the shit out of me or yell at me or something? Anything! I deserved it.”

“You did,” he admits. “But you’re also my best friend, so I knew that whatever it was you did wasn’t out of malice. And while I’m Millie’s older brother and she’s one of the most important people in my life, it’s not my job to influence her decisions. She was always in charge of her own body and mind. I saw the way you two were always flirting and fucking around when we were growing up. It was bound to happen.”

He sighs and I sit here for a minute, staring out at the ocean, trying to figure out what my next move is.

“Noah?” he asks.

“Yeah, I’m here.”

“Wanna tell me what happened and how you’re going to fix it?”

I tell him everything that happened. I spill everything from how I just showed up, to how I started living here, to how I fucked it up. I word vomit the entire summer, confiding in him like I would a therapist.

“I love her, Teddy,” I confess like a sinner at church. “I love her.”

My throat tries to close up. I’m overcome with emotion as I realize that I amin lovewith this girl. And I think I’ve been in love with her since we were kids. Part of me always knew that she was it for me, and I was just too scared to admit it. Until now.

Teddy laughs. “It’s honestly about time you came to terms with it,” he says. “Now how are we going to fix this, Noah?”

“By telling her the truth.”

Maybe she’ll forgive me, and maybe she won’t. But I have to try. I can’t walk away from this summer without having tried.

“It could be too little too late, Noah. You need to prepare yourself for the worst. She’s not the same girl she was back then. She has a mind of her own and she’s grown. She knows what’s good for her, and she knows what she wants. And you have to know that I’ll support whatever decision she makes, whether it’s the one you want or not.”

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