Page 16 of Dangerous Liaisons

I get up from the couch, go to the kitchen, and take out a whiskey bottle and a glass. I pour a generous amount and gulp it down. Thinking about those days always makes me crave being as numb as possible. I feel Leilani's light touch on my arm. I turn to her and move to hand her a glass. She shakes her head, and I pour more into mine. We stand while I hold the tumbler in my hand.

“Where is your mother now?” Leilani asks softly.

“Dead,” I say flatly.

Leilani takes the glass from my hands and puts it on the counter. She grabs my hand and leads me outside. The day is overcast, as if the universe understands my tale of woe. The surf is churning in beautiful arcs, and I wonder if it's going to rain. She doesn't let go as we walk hand in hand down to the beach. I collapse on the sand and put my knees up, grabbing fistfuls of grains, slowly watching it fall out as I open my hands. I don't look at Leilani because I might lose it. I've only cried twice in my life, and it's not a sensation I enjoy. I see her in my peripheral vision, head forward, watching the horizon.

I push out a long breath of air and continue, “my father hired staff to look after my mother at home. He traveled even more for work, and with each passing day, I watched my mother fade away.”

“I'm sorry, Simon.” Leilani grabs my hand full of sand.

“One day, I came in after school and saw my mother crying in her wheelchair by the window. She'd had some therapy and was able to talk more, but she didn't have to tell me she was in agony, emotional more than physical. She usually didn't cry in front of me. I remember dropping everything and hugging her for the longest time.” I pause.

Leilani just sits quietly with me while I stare out at nothing. I'm not sure how much time passes, but I finally tighten my grip on her fingers and say, “I've only told one other person what I'm about to tell you.”

Leilani moved to look at me, her brows furrowed, with an intensely solemn look on her face.

“That night when the house slept, I made my mother a smoothie. She drank a lot of them because she often didn't want to eat. This smoothie was different, though I added some pills to the mix and blended them. When I took it into her, she was sitting up in her bed, staring at nothing. I asked her if she wanted to be free.” I can feel Leilani's grip tighten on mine.

“Oh my God, Simon,” she says with tears running down her cheeks. I feel the moisture on my face that's cold from the ocean wind.

“My mother smiled at me. I kissed her cheek and told her how much I loved her. She whispered,I love youand nodded her head. She had one of those hospital trays, so I fixed it so the drink would rest on it, and she could drink out of the straw without hands. I sat down and held her hand. I don't know how much time passed, but when she was gone. I put the room back the way it was and washed the glass and blender,” I say, exhausted.

Leilani drops my hand and hurries up to me, kissing my cheek. I feel her arm come around my shoulders.

“How do you bear it?” Leilani asks.

“All I've thought of since then was how I'd make my father pay. After the funeral, he shipped me off to a boarding school in New Zealand. He stayed in the UK, went to Spain for a few years, but ended up here.”

“Did he really push her in front of you?” she asks.

“By then, I was running and didn't see that part, but it doesn't matter, if it was an accident or if he pushed her; the end result is still him being responsible for her death. I don't have guilt over what I did to help her. I know it was a mercy. How I understood that so young, I don't know, but I know she didn't want to live,” I say, ready to be done with this subject.

“So, how can I help?” Leilani asks.

Chapter 14

Leilani

Hearing Simon's story has stayed with me for days. He promised he'd get me intel on something my famiglia can use against his father. I've decided I'm going to take it to Kayl. Out of all my brothers, he's the one I feel I can talk to objectively. As kids, he was always the one to listen to me, and it's only been since the pressures of him being Capo that we've had some distance between us. The only thing I've not worked out is how I'm going to say I got the information. None of my brothers would understand my growing attraction to Simon. So, okay, I was attracted from the first moment I saw him, and even curious that first night on the beach, but I'm not the easiest person to get to know. I hardly ever let my guard down, which, of course, doesn't bode well for relationships. But something tells me I should give Simon a chance.

We're going to Maui tomorrow for some fun. It's a little weird to me that he wants to spend a few days there in this whole mess, but who am I to tell him how to plan out his revenge. Though, I suppose, I can see that he can't just throw everything all at once at his father, he'd just get suspicious, and things could go wrong. Hell, things could still go wrong, but I'm going to trust in the universe that this course of action is just. My parents dying in a boating accident all those years ago has always made me want to seek out someone or something to punish. Unfortunately, we never found a trace of evidence that it wasn't what the authorities said it was. They were heading away for a few days to Keonela Bay on Kauai when a bad storm caused the boat to capsize. It's not much comfort that they believe they died pretty quickly, but at least they were together. The fact always gave me some comfort. Simon, though, had to watch his own mother go through unimaginable pain. I'd like to think I would have been brave enough to do the same if I'd been in his shoes. Maybe it's true that sometimes you have to let love go.

“What are you doing?” Mano asks from my bedroom door.

I turn to look at him and frown. “I'm going away for a few days.”

“With all the shit going on in the famiglia, do you really think now is the best time to go away,” he asks, coming into the room and crossing his hands over his chest. It looks like he was working out before he barged into my business. He's in shorts and a sleeveless shirt, sweat circling around his neckline.

“That has nothing to do with me, so stop giving me crap! What did you come in here for?” I give him a look that I hope gives him a hint he isn't welcome.

“You're my sister. I wanted to see how you're doing?” Mano lifts his hands in surrender.

“Bullshit Mano! I'm not one of those girls you hang out with that believes everything you say.” I roll my eyes and turn back to my suitcase.

“Fine, I've got a feeling that something isn't right.” Mano scowls.

I turn around abruptly and start pushing him. “Get the fuck out with that! You need to get a life, Brother.”

---