Page 43 of Let Me Love You (Excess All Areas 5)

Chaya blushed. “Okay.”

“The break is just to give us both some space to think clearly. But if you need me, really need me, call me. But I have faith in us that we can do this.” He squeezed her hand one last time and eased off the bed. “I’m going to go. It’s a grand gesture because I really want to stay with you. A month from now, I’ll be back. But I want you to promise me one thing.”

“What’s that?”

“I need to know you’re going to look after yourself. You’re going to eat, and work out, and see your friends, and have the tough conversations, and in-between see Iz and the girls. Being a junior doctor is hard enough without all this other stress.”

“I promise I will.”

“I can’t promise things won’t be tough, but I can promise you we’ll get through it, yeah?” Chaya nodded and he pressed a chaste kiss to her forehead. “See you in a month, sweetheart.”

7

Two hours later, Chaya took a deep breath as she climbed the stairs to Asher's third-floor apartment. The stairs were a sure-fire clue as to how much she didn’t want to do this because normally she would have taken the lift. Although, she couldn’t even do that, because pressing the button would ignite the light behind it and Shabbat had already started.

When she’d finally left Iz and Matt’s, after apologising for crying mascara tracks all over their white sheets and being told their house was always a place to go to whenever she needed them, she realised she’d missed four calls from Asher.

With every step, she tried to phrase what she wanted to say. Everything felt wrong. But the proof of the pudding was that she wanted it all over. It wasn’t a case of whether she was doing the right thing, it was a case of how quickly could it be over and how could she do it while minimising the pain she was about to cause Asher.

Because when Ben had said she didn’t need to marry Asher, it felt as though a weight had been lifted off her chest. And though she dreaded the conversation she would have to have after this one, the one with her mum and dad, even more than the one with Asher, she knew she had to take responsibility for her own life.

When she reached Asher's door, she knocked, already feeling as though it would be wrong to use the key he had given her.

“Hey, Chaya,” Asher said when he opened it. “Forget your key? Sorry, give me two seconds, I was just serving up dinner. I decided I’d get started. Did your phone die? I’ve been trying to call. I was worried.”

He disappeared into the kitchen, and she was relieved. Maybe she could get the words out before he tried to kiss her and welcome her home.

Candles illuminated the kitchen, as did the light he’d switched on before the start of Shabbat and would remain on until the following evening.

“There’s a red on the counter over there,” he said, ladling matzo ball soup into dishes. He’d obviously kept it heating until sundown. “Grab a glass.”

“I need to talk to you.” She ignored the wine and stood on the other side of the kitchen island, holding on to it as if it would give her the strength to stand there and do this.

Asher put the ladle down and faced her. “Hey. You okay? Did something happen today?”

Chaya shook her head. “No. I’m sorry, Asher. I just… There’s no easy way to say this, but I can’t marry you.”

“What? Wait. No. Chaya. What’s going on? Like, cold feet are a thing, right? Is it the stress of the wedding? I mean, I know my mum is being a bit over-opinionated. I can talk to her.”

“Rachel’s lovely. Your whole family is lovely.You’relovely. It’s just. You’re not the person I’m meant to spend the rest of my life with, and it’s time I faced that instead of being buoyed along by everyone else. It’s time I faced the facts that I’m letting my faith dictate my actions.”

Asher pressed his hands to the counter, mirroring her stance. “I need to take a breath, but we can talk through this. We’remeantto let our faith guide our actions. It’s the point of the mitzvahs. There has never been anybody more perfect for one another than you and me. Our families love each other. We have the same beliefs and goals. We understand each other’s jobs. You make me happy, Chaya.”

Chaya sighed. “I’ve lied to you. I wasn’t at CrossFit the other night. I went to the hospital to see Nan. And I hate that I felt like I had no choice but to lie. Nan has been such a massive part of my life for so long. It’s wrong you asked me to not get involved. That I should remember that your family is my family, now. I should never have let you decide that for me. My place was there, helping my friends and people I view as family. I understand the party was important. But so was helping Nan.”

Asher's jaw ticked. A sure-fire sign he was mad, but he breathed deeply before he spoke. “I’m sorry. I saw things, and I guess still see things, differently. Family first. I thought we were aligned on that.”

“We are. But that’s what you are missing. They are my family in every way that matters.”

“What if I made time to go visit with you?”

“As my guard dog,” Chaya said, then paused and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, that was uncalled for. I lied on Sunday too. I wasn’t going to the gym when you called about the cufflinks. I was outside Ben’s. He asked me to go and collect everything of mine that was at his house.”

“Ah,” Asher said, the sound ripe with understanding she didn’t deserve. “That must have been hard. You’d been friends for a long time. But it’s for the best. You two were…” Silence dropped between them.

“I know. It’s hard to put a word on what we were…or are. I saw him today. I attempted to give him all the things of his that were in my apartment. I saw him yesterday too. Because when you didn’t answer the phone when I tried to call you after the accident, I called him.”

“Why didn’t you call the wine bar and ask them to get me or something?”

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