Page 16 of Let Me Love You (Excess All Areas 5)

“What? Didn’t you hear what I just said?”

Matt nodded. “Yeah. I heard it. If it’s not going to happen, start moving on. You’re waiting. And I don’t know how long you’re gonna wait. Life is moving on, Ben. Chaya is moving on. The band is one of the biggest in the world right now. You have the chance to define the life you want. Where do you want to live?”

“Here. I need to be near Mum and Nan.”

Matt shook his head. “You don’t.”

“I don’t know why you’re being such a dick today.”

“You need to think out past next week, next month. You can do whatever the fuck you want to do.”

Except be with Chaya. And some days he wondered if he’d rather accept a half-life of friendship with Chaya just to be around her than be married to someone else who wasn’t her.

“You’ve always gone with the flow. What everyone else wanted to do, sacrificed for others. So much so, you don’t even know what you want. You need to think about it, Ben. Or you’re going to be seventy and wonder what the fuck happened to your life.”

Ben rubbed a hand over his face. “You lot have always been such high maintenance, that by the time I’d calmed the waters, I was happy to do what the rest of you had compromised on.”

Matt pulled him into a hug. “We’ve been shits. Not going to lie. But it’s time to figure out what you want. And if you tell me it’s all those groupies in every city, and the booze, and whatever. Then, fine. But if it’s not, decide. You can’t live your life for your mum or Nan or any of us. And you can’t keep living it for Chaya, either.”

Nausea gathered in his gut. “She left a huge hole,” he admitted.

Matt nodded. “I know. But it’s time to fill it in. Because she went with him when she could have stayed with you.”

“I told her to go. I said that her place was with his family now, given Asher won’t have anything to do with us.”

“You can’t blame him for that, though. If all that other shit wasn’t in the way, she’d be yours.”

“He’s a surgeon. Makes a crap ton of money, and—”

“He’s not you. And he knows it. So now you’ve got to figure out what your life looks like without Chaya in it.”

3

Chaya checked the latest batch of test results from her patient.

And they were still inconclusive. Her shift had officially ended two hours ago, but the night shift was a doctor down, and she felt awful leaving the rest of the team to it.

“You need to leave,” consultant Dr. Jacob Walls, said. “You’re going to be knackered tomorrow.”

“Yes, but your shift is already a person short. Let me just stay and get this patient squared away and then I’ll—”

“I’m all for pitching in at a pinch, but if you stayed until everything was squared away, you’ll never get home. It’s a lesson you need to learn to survive this long-term.”

“Fine. I’m going. Here’s the rundown on the patient I need you to take over. Acute, crippling pain. She’s definitely symptomatic. Sweating. Doubling over. Auscultation revealed nothing. Palpation was mixed. I went back over the areas three times, and she responded differently each time. Doesn’t mean it wasn’t hurting, but it’s not consistent. Just reviewed her bloods and there is no sign of infection. Maybe try LFTs. Throw in Amylase. Pancreatitis, maybe. But I’m getting a weird vibe that these acute stomach pains might not be pains at all. Keep going on the testing, but if you run out of options, consider getting a psych eval. Stress, maybe?”

“On it. Now, go.”

Once in the staff lounge, she texted Asher to let him know she was finally done for the day, but her finger hovered above the send button. Then, she swiftly deleted it and typed something else.

Heading to CrossFit to catch the next class. See you in ninety.

The lie sat uneasily. She’d asked for guidance that morning as part of her daily prayers, but the silence had been deafening. She felt a pull in her heart to see the woman who’d played such an important role in her upbringing. Quickly, she changed and headed to Nan’s ward.

“Hey,” she said, entering Nan’s room. Pat sat by her bed, and Chaya squeezed her shoulder. Luke and Willow sat on the other side. And Ben leaned against the wall, a sleeping Zale on his shoulder.

Was there anything more ovary-bursting than seeing the man you had spent half your life loving holding on to a baby you could pretend was yours?

It was also just as heart-breaking.

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