Page 58 of How Good It Was (Excess All Areas 3)

He wanted to, but to take anything more than he already had from her while she was this confused and angry didn’t seem fair. What he’d given her was about her. What she’d needed. An escape for a few minutes. A release of pent-up pressure. Perhaps now they could talk, and she could think more clearly. He pressed a chaste kiss to her neck. “I can’t.”

Willow stared at him. “Why not?”

Luke lowered her to the ground, held on to her as she found her feet. “It would be the easiest thing for me to throw you down in bed and fuck you right now. So don’t confuse what I’m doing with how I’m feeling.”

“That seems to be a recurring problem for you.”

Wasn’t it, though? “It’s not the right thing. You were mad, frustrated, and I didn’t know what to do. Then, you said you were horny, and I remembered what that night was like, and the next thing I knew, I just wanted to make it better for you. But this. You and me. This doesn’t make it better for us. For Cletus.”

“It seems like a perfect solution to us. We’re both stuck here. And I think I’ve explained my own ... feelings enough for one night. And you must have needs too, unless ... you ... oh, God. Wait. Have you been sleeping around while we’ve—”

“Willow. For fuck’s sake. No. Apart from that one night when you first got here when I thought about it. I told you all about it, how I stopped before I did something stupid.”

She shoved his hands away and straightened her T-shirt. “Good to know that this is all so completely forgettable for you.”

“Forgettable? It’s not forgettable at all. I think about you twenty-four-seven.” Now wasn’t the time to tell her about the dreams he’d had about her. “You know what Alex said? He said I was rebelling because I never liked being told what to do. And he’s fucking right. Because I feel like I’ve done everything I was supposed to for most of my life. For a minute, I felt as though I might be able to escape the changes this all requires. You think I didn’t look at you and remember? What it was like to kiss you like that? What it felt like to get you off? What it felt like to be deep inside you? How good it was? I’d be there again in a heartbeat if I thought for a minute you could see it for what it is. Sex. But you won’t. You’ll wrap emotions and feelings and futures together, and a quick fuck to blow off some steam will lead to a picket fence and a dog. I’ve been a parent once. I was shit at it.”

Simultaneously, Willow stepped into his space just as he reached for her and pulled her to him. Her arms around his waist gave him a comfort he wasn’t aware he needed.

“You weren’t shit at it, Luke. No one is prepared to parent a teen at nineteen. And Izabel is wonderful. You weren’t shit. You loved her enough to put everything else on hold for her. If only my own father cared a quarter of how much you did.”

The anger in the room dissipated as quickly as it had flashed to life. Luke let the soft silence blanket them both. “I’m meant to be making you feel better, not here for you to comfort me.” He stroked his hand up and down her back as they swayed softly.

“My dad is going to attempt to take control of my life, Luke. What am I going to do?”

The hurt in her voice tugged at something deep inside him. A need to make it right. “You’re going to stay here. With me. We’ll do what your lawyer says. We’ll work on that social media platform of yours to show just how happy and healthy you are.”

Willow looked up at him, her eyes full of worry. “There’s a lot of we in there. I’m nervous you’re doing it for the wrong reasons.”

Luke brushed the back of his fingers along her cheek. “About what I said. About emotions and futures and sex. Lines are moving, Will. It’s scaring me, not going to lie. But they’re moving. And friends, lovers, co-parents ... whatever we are, I’m on your side. Okay?”

“I’m not sorry for saying what I said. It’s been bubbling for a while. But I am sorry I didn’t just talk to you,” Willow said.

“It’s a lot. But I’ll admit I was worried about you and about Cletus.” He placed his hand on her stomach for the first time, feeling the slight curve of her stomach beneath his palm, the firmness to the touch. With his arm around her and his hand over Cletus he felt ... a connection. Something that made the three of them a unit.

“Yeah. Yoga might have been more effective.”

“Than an orgasm?” Luke smiled as a flush of pink filled her cheeks.

“That might have helped too.” She glanced down at his jeans. “Are you sure you don’t want me to—”

He pressed his lips to hers. They were puffy from his kisses, sexy as fuck. “I’m certain. Come on, we’ll chill out, order a Kathmandu, work out what to say to your dad, and watch TV.” He took her hand and led her back into the living room.

“Is that a euphemism? What’s a Kathmandu? And don’t you still want to meet Ben and Alex?”

“No, it’s not a euphemism, but I do think it’s time we acknowledged out loud how we’ve pretty much been sleeping in the same bed every night. Just move into mine. It’s bigger and the mattress is better. You’ve never lived if you haven’t had Nepalese tandoori from The Great Kathmandu. I was going out, but now I feel like staying in and figuring out new lines between us. Did I get everything?”

“You did.”

He cupped her cheeks. “It’s confusing as fuck for both of us. But I’m thinking it’s better that we broaden our definition of honesty, to not just telling the truth when asked. But sharing how we’re doing as we go. Yeah?”

He felt the sigh as her breath eased over his hands, felt her shoulders drop, and her jaw relax. “Yeah.”

He kissed her again because he wanted to. “Good. Now, take a seat, reassure Cletus that the rush of energy he just felt was nothing to worry about, and I’ll order some food.”

And as he ordered tandoori, his gaze flicked to Willow, curled up in the corner of his sofa with her hand on her stomach, and he realised he was exactly where he wanted to be.

---