Page 23 of Roots of the Wicked

Chapter Twelve

Jax

The camera was adjusted so that my full body filled the large monitor I saw in the mirror. I stood naked and shivering, but it wasn’t cold that shook me. It was fear. I was terrified of what was coming. Two big standing bright lights on each side of the camera cast me under a spotlight I would have done anything not to be in.

“What are you waiting for, you little dumb bitch. We’ve done this enough times that you know what to do.”

“Aww!” My loud scream echoed through the room when a heavy fist came down on my back for moving too slow. The hard lick caused me to fall into the bed versus climbing in.

“Spread your legs and if you don’t smile into this camera, I’ll make sure it will be ten times worse.”

With tears running down my cheeks, dropping onto the pillow, I forced a smile on my face as I glared at the shiny dark eye of the lens. When the object came into view, the one that would be the primary source of my pain, I lost my ability to breathe. I gasped as I started to shake uncontrollably.

“Please.” I begged, crying harder. “Don’t make me.”

“Don’t make you what? You owe me this you little spoiled cunt, and if you tell your daddy, I’ll kill him and make you watch.”

My eyes snapped open, and I sat up in bed, clutching my heaving chest and fighting to breathe. My sheets were drenched in sweat again, wetness chilling me now that I’d thrown back the covers and allowed the cool air to blanket me.

I had been suffering with night sweats for years. It had taken me time and research to find out why I sometimes woke up this way. Sometimes, I remembered the dreams, and other times, they were phantom notes of hate that lingered in my head and affected my body.

My attempt to shake away my shivers didn’t work, as the memory of my younger self had put me face-to-face with the devil. I could sense the white-hot hate that lingered. A hate so strong, it had the ability to reach through time and space and send shivers through me. While most people were haunted by things they could see in the here and now, it was my past that ate at the soul of my future.

The bright blue numbers of my digital clock pulled my mind back to the present. Four in the morning. I’d gotten a little over three and a half hours of sleep, which was better than usual.

Memories of Chase caused a smile to crack through the fog of darkness that had gripped me. Although I didn’t want a relationship with him, I couldn’t deny that he had a positive effect on my psyche.

Aside from the relationships I built with the women I worked and associated with, I didn’t have but one girlfriend, Lena James. Lena was a flight attendant, so I didn’t get to see her often, but took advantage of the times I did. I was one of the loneliest people I knew, filling the void of friendship with work and completing whatever goals I set for myself.

Did I have trust issues? Yes.

As far as relationships went, I accepted that I didn’t know how to let anyone in. Each time I made a valid attempt, I would do or say something to chase them away. Over time, I became upfront about my desire for casual sex, making it abundantly clear I wasn’t looking for longevity.

The idea of letting someone into the inner workings of me and sharing with them my fears and secrets terrified me. They would judge. They would look at me with disgust. They would run screaming for the hills, if the wickedness rooted within me was ever spilled onto them.

Swiping my fingers across the screen of my phone, I distracted myself from an issue I knew I needed to face one day. An issue, I fully intended to resolve so that I could eventually have a normal life. I scrolled past twenty work emails, before I found the task guaranteed to keep me busy.

Distracting myself from my past demons was one thing, but not even work was enough to keep Chase from invading my imagination. I’d been avoiding him for a week.

Facts were: Chase had handled me like no one else could, and I could have stopped him, but I didn’t. Hell, I couldn’t. I craved more of him, but stubbornly refused to give into my unquenched desire for him.

He was an opposing force to my dominating nature. To a woman like me who fed on control, he was my nemesis.

And Chase didn’t have a regular dick either, his shit was hypnotic. No other had ever made me not only lose control but give it up. No wonder he had to take himself off the market and bragged about creating stalkers. He could dick-notize a woman with one thrust.

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