The statement was unexpected, but I believe we were getting somewhere. Bad sex and underwhelming sexual partners were valid enough reasons to want control, but I believed her need for control ran deeper than she was letting on.
“Why do you enjoy being in control so much?” I blurted the question, unable to keep my nagging curiosity at bay. I wasn’t expecting her to give me an answer, but my ears perked when she appeared ready to talk.
“I ended up in a situation that stripped me of all control, all modesty, and all of my dignity. Once I escaped those dark days, I made a vow to never allow myself to be controlled by anyone, and if I gave up control of myself it would be a decision I made.”
A devastating secret she had suffered was hidden within the gloom invading her expression. I reached for her hand, sensing the hurt, seeing it on her face. As lovely as she was, it did nothing to hide the horror seeping from her pores and glancing through her eyes.
“I’m sorry Jax.” She pulled her hand away from mine, not wanting me to comfort her. What happened to her? There was so much more she wasn’t telling me. Would she leave if I pushed to hard?
Her set shoulders made me aware that she wasn’t going to go any deeper than the surface. Maybe she would someday trust me enough to tell me about it. I kept my hand on the table near hers, letting her know that she could take it if she needed to.
After a paused moment, my mind had gone full circle, reminding me of the threatening promise that lingered in her eyes after our bathroom scene. I glanced around expecting something to happen. However, I sensed this was what she wanted—me being paranoid.
“Are you ready for the second part of our date?”
“We’re dating?”
She shrugged but didn’t reply. Instead, she asked a second time, “Are you ready?”
“What will the second part of our date consist of?”
Her smile was way too innocent for a woman I believed harbored plans to torture me.
“I thought I would keep things traditional. Dinner, and a movie. I happen to know one of your favorite movies is, Gladiator. Figured we’d watch it, and I’ll fix you a scoop of mint chocolate chip ice cream.”
A smile breezed across my lips, despite my anxiousness. I gripped the hand she had reached out to me but was slow to stand. She stepped off, tightening her grip on my hand as I lagged behind with slow uncertainty in my stride. She was controlling every aspect of this date, and as much as I wanted to resist, my need to see where this would lead was stronger.