Page 79 of Chosen Road

He stood for a moment, looking at the ground. “No.”

“No?” I asked incredulously.

He met my eyes. “No. If you want to know I’ll tell you, but not here and not now. But, Amber,” he stepped towards me and grasped me firmly by the back of the neck and his eyes were sad, “think hard if you want to know.”

Surprised that he dared to touch me while we spoke about this, surprised further still that I allowed it, I whispered, “It can’t be worse than what I picture in my head.”

He looked at me steadily, his eyes pained. “I’m sorry, sweet baby,” he whispered.

I stepped into his space and curled into his chest. He immediately wrapped his arms around me and lay his cheek on top of my head.

After a moment, I admitted, “It hurt so much. Only you could soothe that kind of pain, but you also caused it.”

I was talking. Actually, talking. And it hurt. My heart felt like it was being pushed through a steamroller.

“I’m here, Amber. Never going anywhere again. I promise.”

“I didn’t flinch because I didn’t want you. I flinched because I thought you were with her. And the pictures in my head, Gus, they don’t ever go away.”

His arms went slack at my admission, then he bent and scooped my quaking body into his arms. “It’s too fucking cold out here for you right now, but I don’t want to let you go.”

“Just hold me for a minute longer, Gus. I need it.”

He kissed the top of my head. “I need you.”

I snuggled in then he gave me a gentle squeeze. “Say it.”

“Say what?” I asked, confused.

“Don’t say you need ‘it’, say ‘I need you’. Say it,” he demanded.

I stiffened in his arms. “I don’tneedyou; I dowantyou.”

He knocked his forehead against my head lightly and sighed. “Well, I definitely need you.”

He kissed me again on top of my head.

I so desperately wanted to tip my chin up to offer him my mouth, but we were not kids, it wouldn’t stop there, and I still wasn’t so sure of myself.

Strangely enough, I wasn’t nearly as angry with him anymore. I worried about how I would react when he touched me, but I had time. We were nowhere near that point.

He lowered me to my feet and ran his hand down the length of my spine. “I’ll always be available to hold you, Amber. Even when I’m the cause of your pain. Especially then.”

Stepping inside, we were met with raucous laughter as Ruby, Vander, and Jace arrived. We eventually settled around the table and hilarity ensued as it always did, perhaps a bit more than usual due to our table being quite a bit smaller than Yiayia’s.

Yiayia went to bed early, the boys went downstairs to play with the Lego, and the four of us sat at the table playing Phase Ten.

I looked around the table. This could be my life. It was well within my reach.

All I needed to do was open my hand, open my heart, and open my damn mouth.

Chapter 25: A Life Intertwined

Amber

As soon as I walked into Spuds, Ruby made a bee line for me and wrapped me up tight in a hug.

I chuckled. “What was that for?”

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