Page 78 of Chosen Road

I looked at her sneaky face sideways. God, I loved her. “Don’t get too excited, Yiayia mou. Nothing’s been decided.”

She smiled and patted my face. “No by you, maybe. Gus? He decide already.”

Once everything was in the oven, and Yiayia went for a nap, I wandered around the first floor of my house, touching my things. Our things. Looking out our windows. Turning on our fireplace.

I heard Gus laughing with Alex downstairs as I straightened the few framed photos we kept on the mantle. Our wedding. Our son. Our families.

I dusted off the top of the mirrors and the paintings that hung on the walls, then got the lighter and lit the candles I had scattered around the room in bowls and on stands.

My desk was exactly the way I left it the day before, my mug had even been washed and returned to its place. It hurt me to think of Gus doing that.

Did it change things? Him never having been with her before or after that one time? He said he’d never even spoken to her since I left.

He changed jobs, gave himself a demotion. Why didn’t they make her switch jobs? She was the one who chased him.

I felt myself getting angry on his behalf. Fucking viper. I warned him she wanted him.

I stood in the centre of our family room in the exact spot I said goodbye to him over a year ago. In truth, I was no closer to leaving.

“Are you okay?” Gus stood at the top of the basement stairs, his legs braced, hands in loose fists at his sides, trepidation on his face.

“I warned you about her,” I blurted out.

He froze, slightly taken aback, but then relaxed back into his stance and met my eyes steadily. “You did.” He walked towards me, not too close. “I didn’t ignore you, you know. I went in the next week and asked her about her husband. She told me they were getting a divorce, that she and her daughter moved out.”

Somehow that hurt worse. “So, you knew.”

“I did. I was planning on going in to talk to her, make it clear that it wasn’t happening. Which is why it’s so hard for me to believe anything happened.”

Pictures flashed rapidly through my brain, and I winced. “You don’t want to tell me what you remember.”

He looked down. “No. I don’t like to think about it.”

“You shouldn’t have left your position. She should have been transferred.”

He looked up at me in surprise. “I didn’t want to be that asshole. I couldn’t be sure what happened, and I just didn’t want to be that asshole.” He paused. “I’ve always strived to be a certain kind of man and her losing her job for something I might have participated in did not sit well.”

“What do you mean something you might have participated in? How much do you remember?”

His face crumpled. “Amber, I remember enough to know it didn’t look good. I just couldn’t understand why I might have done such a thing, especially with her.”

“Couldn’t? Past tense? Now you understand why you might have done it?”

He held his hand out. “Let’s go for a walk in the backyard.”

I folded my arms across my chest and led the way to the backyard. As soon as he closed the patio door, I turned to him. “Talk.”

“I remembered the night before. I remembered I waited for you to come upstairs, and I tried to talk to you. Things started to go sideways, but somehow, we pulled out of it, and you smiled at me. I was so parched for your attention and your smile seemed like a peace offering. It warmed me. I leaned over to kiss you goodnight…” His words petered off as he struggled with his emotions. “Right before I kissed you, you flinched.” He took a deep breath. “Then you said, ‘sorry’. Up until that point I’d convinced myself we could overcome anything. When you couldn’t stand my kiss, I realized you no longer wanted me. The next day I was at a particularly low point, she made her feelings plain, and I was just so damn angry.”

“What do you remember?”

He took a deep breath. “Please, Amber, can we talk about this in private at another time?”

“I need to know,” I whispered.

“Now?” he practically squeaked.

“Yes,” I demanded.

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