Page 68 of Chosen Road

Dr. Galena came in a few minutes later to update us on Yiayia’s condition. Her hip was fine, but she couldn’t use her hand for six weeks. She approved Yiayia’s move to one floor living, which upset Ruby. I wanted to talk to her about it, but she left even before the doctor did.

I stayed until the end of visiting hours to keep Yiayia company while she dozed in and out. Alex was sleeping at Vander’s with Jace. I had no reason to rush home. Shortly before I left, she woke and was finally clear-headed for more than ten minutes.

“Koritzaki mou, go home, koukla,” she admonished. “Why you stay here to watch an old lady sleep?”

“Who are you calling an old lady, Yiayia?” I teased.

“Pshaw. I must look like…phantom,” she patted her hair and laughed. Then she turned to face me, and her face got serious. “Listen to Yiayia. When I die, you check and see how I look in casket. If I don’t look good,” she pinned me with her warning look, “close it!”

I barked out a laugh. “Oh my God, Yiayia! What are you even saying?”

She shrugged, her eyes twinkling. “I don’t want Elisavet to see me if I don’t look good.” She paused and thought for a minute. “You gonna help me pick out a nice ensemble.” She narrowed her eyes at me. “And don’t even think about putting me in the ground with no shoes!”

I was still shaking my head when I left the hospital twenty minutes later. My cell phone rang as I was leaving the hospital and I chatted with Ruby for a little while. I told her about Yiayia’s casket instructions, and she chortled. Maybe everything was okay. Of course, she was off. Yiayia being in the hospital was, for us, a crisis of epic proportions.

While I did not live with Yiayia all these years as Ruby did, there was rarely a day that I did not see her or talk to her.

I by no means divulged my innermost thoughts to her, but I never had to say too much, she just knew. She understood me. Her existence stabilized my axis and my foundation.

I didn’t worry about her the way Ruby did, the truth was, I did not allow myself to think about losing her at all. I couldn’t fathom that kind of loss.

At home, I made myself a piece of toast, the sound of my chewing irritatingly loud in the quiet of my house.

I firmly believed Yiayia would recover from her fall, but the shock of Gus’s early morning phone call had triggered the mini movies that often held me hostage.

On the canvas of my mind, I watched Gus walk out the door to Jacqueline, saw Yiayia lowered into the ground, Alex in a hospital bed hooked up to tubes and machines, Ruby taking Jace, her disgust for me evident on her face as she walked away from me.

In my bedroom, I stared at the rumpled bed for a moment before climbing in on Gus’s side and pressing my face into his pillow. The tears came suddenly, and with them, thoughts of Jacqueline and Gus together. This was the main reason I refused to think things through. Every single time, my brain conjured up the same sickening images, and they stayed with me for days.

Those mental musings caused my pulse to sputter, my heart to pound, my breath to quicken, my hands to shake, my soul to quake.

I hugged his pillow to my chest, craving the comfort of his arms, needing him to reassure me that he would never leave me, despite the fact we were presently separated.

There were few people I allowed into my heart: Yiayia, Ruby, Minty, Jace, Alex and Gus. Over the past year I learned it was equally as difficult to let them out as it was to let them in. Gus was no exception.

Last night, we slept in the same bed for the first time in over a year, my hand over his heart, our son tucked between us.

Tonight, I lay alone in my cold, empty bed.

Actions had consequences, and my actions landed me here, alone, in a bed that still didn’t feel like mine.

What did I want? I’d already acknowledged that in a perfect world I wanted Gus.

What stopped me from going home? Other than the obvious, which was Jacqueline. If I put that aside, for just a moment, what stood in my way?

Just me.

Chapter 22: Sick and Sin

Gus

I looked around nervously.

Vander, the boys, and I worked tirelessly last night to move Yiayia’s bedroom furniture, clothing, and knickknacks into our granny suite. Alex and I even bought flowers and a few plants to brighten up her room.

What seemed like a great idea last week, didn’t seem quite so wise in light of what I’d ascertained about Amber. She was a people-pleaser, always had been, and she neglected what she wanted in favor of pleasing any and everybody else. The cost was her resentment which was the very last thing I wanted.

Once upon a time, it had been my job to ensure she took breaks and had balance in her life. When she got the new position working with foster kids, she could not put limits on the time she spent working, and no longer allowed me to do it for her.

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