Page 22 of Chosen Road

He spoke about hopes for the future. Vacations. Renovations. Said he couldn’t wait to get back to regular family dinners, that he would make a point to be at Yiayia’s for dinner on Sundays even when he had open houses.

At this point, did I even want him to remember?

I remembered the terror that filled me when I got the call from the hospital, the shock as I took in Jacqueline screaming at the nurse to let her see Gus. I walked slowly toward the nursing station, watched Jacqueline spin as if in slow motion until her furious gaze met mine and her guilt silenced her.

My stomach hollowed and I fought, hard, to stop my legs from giving out. I swept past her in a daze as if she wasn’t there. For me, she wasn’t. She no longer existed.

At the nursing station I stopped and met the nurse’s wary eyes. “I’m Amber Murray. Can someone please take me to see my husband?”

“Yes, ma’am. Right away. Please meet me at those doors and I’ll take you back.”

“Amber,” Jacqueline spoke hurriedly. “Nothing happened…”

I stopped but didn’t turn around. “The very fact that you feel the need to say that tells me something did. Go home, Jacqueline.” I sliced a look in her direction. “Unless you have someone else’s husband you’re interested in fucking?”

A guilty flush stained her cheeks.

I raised one eyebrow. “No? Just Gus?”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

The dragon that lived in my belly reared up for half a second.

Her eyes widened, and she stepped away from me.

“That’s right,” I hissed. “Step, the fuck, back.”

Turning my back to her, I pulled a breath in through my nose to steady myself and reached the doors as the nurse pushed them open.

Outside the door to Gus’s room, she stopped. “I need to prepare you before you go in.”

She went on to briefly describe what I’d see when I went in, then asked a further question. “Who is allowed back here?”

“My sister, Ruby. My grandmother. I’ll give you their names before I leave,” I whispered, shamed beyond measure that we both knew who the woman in the waiting room was to my husband, just as we both knew I would not allow her back here. I wondered if Gus would ask for her instead of me.

As it turned out, he did not. He didn’t remember the events leading up to his accident at all. There was not even a hint of guilt on his roughly handsome face, no hesitation in the big hands that reached for mine, no remorse in his grey-blue eyes, only relief that I was there.

If he never remembered, could I live with this Gus? This Gus that seemed to think I was enough? This Gus that was willing to take what I was willing to give and not ask for more? Could I lay down my pride, knowing he strayed, knowing there would always be the potential for him to leave?

I opened the front door and quietly stepped inside the house.

Every day this week after work, I found Gus sleeping on the couch. The headaches from his concussion that had started to dissipate, kicked up again when he went back to work. He spoke of Jacqueline returning from her vacation as if it were a godsend. I started to question what I even thought I knew. Perhaps it was all one-sided. I opened the door quietly. If he was sleeping, I didn’t want to wake him.

We had the night to ourselves.

Maybe this could be a new beginning?

I softly closed the front door, set my purse on the hall table, and looked up to find Gus sitting on the couch, his elbows on his knees, his face ravaged.

He remembered.

Chapter 8: Breaking Hearts

Amber

The possibility I mulled over on the driveway withered away under the weight of his despair.

I spun away from him to collect myself, wiped away the single tear that escaped, carrying with it the last of my hope, and resolutely prepared myself to face the end of my marriage.

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