Page 130 of Chosen Road

I dragged a hand roughly through my hair.

It was too early for a separation like this. I wracked my brain for something that would help her while we were apart, something to remind her I’m not going anywhere, and she’s not far from my thoughts. I needed to stay on top of possible triggers and learn better how to handle her when she started to spiral.

My mouth twisted with distaste. ‘Handle her’ made it sound like she was a problem which was worlds away from the truth. But she did have a problem, and I’d be a poor husband if I didn’t learn to support her.

For now, I decided to focus on simply reminding her that out of sight never meant out of mind.

Or heart.

Chapter 43: Trigger Warning

Amber

Excitement over going to Blue Mountain had Alex spinning like a top. Blue Mountain used to be a regular weekend away for us. We’d made beautiful memories there. I decided to look into booking a few days away. Maybe Gus and I should go by ourselves. Have a second honeymoon.

As the day wore on, and I made my way through my appointments, the spiral of tension wound tighter and tighter in my stomach.

Logically, I knew they’d be back in two days. I knew that. I reminded myself of that fact, thatfact, a hundred times, but my body was not getting the memo.

Not just my body, the irrational part of my brain that focussed on surviving, was functioning in full out panic mode, looping technicolor movies of Gus leaving, taking Alex with him. Gus meeting someone else. Gus realizing that he is unhappy with me.

My fear hijacked my brain, my brain hijacked my body, and my body hijacked my emotions, sending messages up to my already amped up brain that all was not okay on the front lines.

When my last young patient finally left, I sat quietly in my office and thought about the things my therapist had taught me.

Trust people with small things.

Ask for support.

I could do that. I picked up my phone.

“Hello?”

“Mint?”

“Hello, beautiful lady. How are you?” Her calm reached me through the phone.

“I’m good,” I answered, then stopped. “Actually,” I said slowly, “I’m a bit tense.”

“What’s up?” She asked matter-0f-factly.

“Gus is away with Vander and all the boys for two days, a male bonding ritual before the wedding.”

“Okay…”

“It triggers me when he leaves…” I whispered.

“Oh!” she sounded surprised. “Well, of course. That makes perfect sense. How can I help?”

My pulse pounded in my ears, adrenalin pumping from the danger of that small admission.

It would have been so easy for her to tell me I was over-reacting, which I was. She could easily have laughed, teased me for being a stage five clinger, which I was. She might have admonished me for being controlling, which I was. Any of those reactions would have made sense, none of them would have helped, and all of them would have sent me scurrying back into my hole, my tail tucked between my legs, the shame of being too much and the dismay of being dismissed, underlining the belief that to trust is to open myself up to hurt.

But Minty said none of those things.

“You want to go to the bookstore for a bit? It might help to keep my mind off things. Ruby will be over later, but she’s got some errands to run.”

“I’d love to. Why don’t you drive home after work, I’ll meet you there, and I’ll drive us to the bookstore?”

---