Page 30 of Chosen Road

“I don’t want to go to school.”

I turned around to assess him. “Okay, little man. Let me see what I can work out.”

Ruby swung by and picked him up, assuring me she had everything under control, and would not bring him to school. Once they left, I went back to Amber.

While I was concerned, I wasn’t scared. This had happened twice before since I’d known Amber.

Near our beginning, she broke up with me once, spouting some bullshit about incompatible dreams. I humored her at that moment but had no intentions of following through with her break-up plans.

After a couple of days, I tracked her down and Yiayia let me into the house.

She let me in but blistered my ears until I convinced her that Amber broke it off with me, and I had no intention of going anywhere.

She sent me upstairs to Amber’s room, where she’d been for the past three days. As soon as she saw me, she threw herself in my arms and it was over.

The second time was after a business trip, shortly after we moved in together. It was rare that I went away for business, but on that particular occasion, the umbrella company I worked for needed a body for a few days. It was too far to drive back and forth so they put me up in a hotel.

When I returned home, it was to find Amber in this exact state.

That time, as well as the time before, I did what I had to do to give her the connection she so desperately required, knowing I was not at fault. This time, I had no right to put my hands on her body or demand anything of her.

“Do you want me to call Ruby to come, and I’ll take the boys?”

Her face crumpled, and she turned onto her face, her back heaving.

“Amber,” I spoke firmly. “Don’t get confused. I want to take care of you. Do you want me to stay?”

She nodded into the pillow.

I climbed over her still form on the bed and yanked her over my chest.

She stiffened, then exploded, curling into me, her cries guttural and wounded, coming from deep within the well of her soul where all her pain resided.

I ran my hands slowly down the length of her spine, molding her thin body to mine, soothing her.

“Don’t touch me, Gus,” she cried.

“I’m going to touch you, Amber, because right now you need it,” I said firmly. “Tomorrow we can go back to your separation if that’s what you want.”

“It’s not what I want, it’s what I need,” she sobbed, fisting her hands in my shirt. “It’s what I need to do,” she explained, her voice thick and broken.

“Okay, sweet baby. Easy, baby. We’re going to do whatever you need. It’s going to be okay.”

My words only served to make her cry harder. Her body heaved and shook as she expended every last drop of her strength, until, finally, she lay spent across my chest, her cheek on my chest, her palm over my heart. And she slept.

When she woke, I coaxed her into the shower, then made her a cup of tea and toast.

Sitting in the tiny kitchenette, I watched her eat while she stared into space.

“Please come home,” I asked softly.

Her lips trembled and she shook her head, another tear falling. “I can’t.”

That single tear and trembling lip hurt just as much as the torrent she unleashed earlier. I didn’t know how to get her through this, get us through this. I mentally snorted. It had been a while since I’d known what to do with us but paramount at this moment, was assuring her that I would be there.

“Okay, that’s fine. You can take all the time in the world.” I leaned down to catch her eye. “I’m not going anywhere, okay Amber? I’m not going anywhere. We’re going to go see your doctor and get you a prescription to help you get on your feet. Okay, sweet baby?”

She looked at me blankly, so I continued.

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