Page 75 of Deranged (American Street Kings 3)

For the last fifteen years,I didn’t think I had a heart. I lived my life like I had nothing to lose. Like I felt nothing. A void. A wraith. But now, my tears painted a different picture, created an image of someone who felt something. Who had a heart. Seeing the look on Onyx’s face made me die a slow death inside. I wasn’t even aware there was something that resembled a heartbeat in this black soul of mine, not until it cracked wide open when I watched Onyx realize I had betrayed him. Played him. Lied to him.

It was summer, yet I was clutching my arms tightly against my chest as if to ward off the cold. I was relieved when Slither didn’t get in the car with me, one of his prospects driving me home. I couldn’t face him, not when I felt so broken. He’d see it as a weakness, scold me for not turning off my feelings, my humanity. It was something I had mastered years ago, yet all it took was a few encounters and a passionate love affair with Onyx to make me forget I had the means to switch off my ability to feel. Now I cursed him for it. If he didn’t make me feel again, I wouldn’t have been sitting in the back seat of a car crying like I got my heart broken.

All these years, Slither was the one man I trusted. He was the one man I knew would protect me, keep the bad people away. But after tonight, I wasn’t so sure anymore. What if hewasone of the bad people?

I pulled off my shoes as I got out of the car, refusing to torture myself further with stiletto heels, and ran barefoot into the building I’d called home for so long and straight to my room. My bedroom wasn’t much, but at least it was mine. Slither had the room soundproofed so I didn’t have to listen to their wild parties, fights, screaming, and chaos whenever it erupted. This was like my own little corner in the world where I was free of everything and everyone.

With a bed in the corner, lilac sheets draped over it, a bedside table with a matching chest of drawers, it was your typical female bedroom. But it was the only little space in the world I could call my own. Where I didn’t have to wear a mask or pretend to be this whole other person, when in fact, I was nothing but a broken porcelain doll. No matter how many times you tried to glue the pieces back together, the cracks would always remain. And all those times I had been with Onyx, he made me think the cracks were gone—that I had somehow gone from broken to undented. Especially when he touched me, something I never got pleasure from before him—a man’s touch. In the past, I had endured it, never relished it. Until him.

Tossing my shoes on the floor, I dragged my tired body over to the bed while unzipping the side of my dress, still seeing flashes of Onyx’s face in my head. Never in a million years did I think I’d regret hurting someone the way I hurt him.

Exhaling and closing my eyes, I stood there in the middle of the room thinking of birthday candles. If I had one more shot at making a wish, it would be to go back to the night I thrust myself into Onyx’s life for the first time. If I could have done it over, I would have walked right past his table and not glanced back once, then just end up telling Slither Onyx wasn’t interested. Shot me down on the very first try. Then I wouldn’t have been trapped in this shit-storm right now, and I wouldn’t have Onyx’s face haunting me.

“Care to tell me what the fuck happened tonight?”

“Jesus Christ, Slither.” I gulped. “Stop doing that. Don’t you fucking knock?”

He shrugged. “Not when it’s my house.” The door clicked closed behind him, and it instantly felt like all the oxygen was sucked out of the room, the space getting smaller and smaller with each passing second. “Did you know?”

“Did I know what?”

“That Onyx is president of the Kings.”

I swallowed hard, shifting from one leg to the other. There was no use in trying to lie. No one knew me as well as my brother did. He had the ability to see right through me, spot a lie even before I opened my mouth.

“Yes,” I breathed. “I knew.”

It happened so fast, I didn’t have time to react or to even think. The next thing I knew, Slither had his hand around my throat, slamming my back against the wall.

I grabbed at his wrist, trying to pull his hand away, but he was too strong, his grip only tightening, making it hard to breathe.

“You knew? You fucking knew and didn’t tell me?”

“You’re hurting me.”

His face came within inches of mine, his angry breaths burning my skin. “Because of you, I stood there looking like a fucking idiot.” He jerked my face toward him. “Because you didn’t tell me, those motherfuckers caught me off guard, and I looked weak. Stupid.”

“Glenn—”

I swallowed my words when the back of his hand collided with my cheek, the sting of his rage striking me in the face. He let go of my throat, and I tumbled to the floor, my aching knees nothing compared to the fire on my cheek. Tears burned as I pressed my palm against the searing flesh.

“What else do you know? What else did you keep from me?” He stalked closer, and I tried to crawl back, tried to get away from him. “What else?” he bellowed, spit flying from his seething mouth.

“Nothing. I know nothing else.”

“Liar!”

He grabbed my ankles, his grip tight and merciless. I tried fighting, kicking, begging him to let me go, but he dragged me across the floor, and with a hard jerk, he slid me headfirst into the wall, stars exploding around me.

Clutching my head, trying to think through the pain, he crouched, grabbing my throat and pulling me halfway off the floor. When I opened my eyes, staring into his, I gasped. Everything was dark, so dark. It was like the darkest pits of hell had consumed him, the scales on his skin coming to life and moving like a serpent about to strike. The last time I saw him like this was when…was the night he killed them.

“After everything I did for you, this is how you repay me?”

I sobbed, fear burning holes in my stomach. “Please—”

“I killed them for you. I became a murderer for you, and this is what you do to me?” His words were poison, lethal and fierce, aimed straight at my heart. “Maybe all the luxuries I’ve given you, this good life you’ve been living because of me, made you forget where you actually came from.”

“Good life?” I narrowed my eyes, and through the tears, I finally found my voice. “What good life? Like they all said tonight, I’m nothing but a clubwhore for you.”

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