Page 182 of Sugarloaf Ridge Lies

I stuff the rest of the sandwich in my mouth and stand. My aunt means well, but there’s only so much a man can have on his shoulders before he stumbles and falls. Thoughts of pending doom race through my head as I turn and walk towards the yards.

Hospital beds. Daynah and the baby. Liv and that smart-mouthed fucknuckle that impregnated her returning. Being a father. The search for my missing mother. Keeping the bank off my back.

Like I need it to breathe, I crave the numbness whisky brings, as if it’s the answer to get through all this. But all it will do is compound everything. And I can’t do that to Liv.

The last thing I fucking need is to try and make peace with a woman who’s presumed the worst about the love of my life. I don’t have it in me to argue. I’m about ready to snap off anybody’s head for breathing wrong. If only she understood how Liv has saved me. From a life of loneliness, from myself—my own worst enemy. She’s given me hope for a future; I can already picture us as a family, running a successful farm. I won’t risk that.

Penny hurts Liv, she hurts me.I won’t stand for it. Liv deserves respect and of all people, she should have that from the woman who raised me.

“Love?” Bernie says. “Is that all you’re gonna eat?”

“I’m fine,” I call out and keep walking. “Not hungry.”

I grip at my chest as it tightens. My insides twists as if there’s an invisible knife protruding through my rib cage. An old timber fence post keeps me upright as I clutch it while gasping for breath.

Boots crunch on the dirt behind me before long fingernails sweep over my shoulder. “Honey, what is it?” She steps in beside me.

Stuttering in a breath, I turn to Bernie.

Her mouth forms an“O”. “I’m sorry, I’ve upset you,” she whispers.

I choke on a sob and attempt to cover it with laughter.Man up, Jerry. Not the time to fall apart.

“Oh, Jericho.” Bernie rubs circles between my shoulder blades. She coaches me with my breathing like she did when I was a kid. The next breath reaches that little bit deeper. The next a fraction more until the tightness in my chest eases. The totality of everything is gonna give me a heart attack. I think it, but don’t voice it. We don’t joke about that around here.

“I know your mother is hard work. She never should’ve said those things to Liv.”

I shake my head. The reminder does little to dampen my fury.

Understanding in her expression, her dark orbs search my face. That look... it’s like a shot of truth serum. “Is that what’s goin’ on, love, or is it something else? You know you can talk to me.”

I rub at the back of my neck, dampness coating my fingers. “Mum’s the last person I can deal with right now. It’s all... all gettin’ too much.”

“Okay, okay,” she says and pulls me into a hug. Her warmth and sweet vanilla perfume are a comfort, a reminder of a lifetime of hugs and treats from her kitchen.

Did my real mother choose Bernie to be her replacement rather than Penny? She and Bernie had a connection. It was Bernie that gave her refuge. It was Bernie she called to check in on me, birthday after birthday, until...

My aunt and I have always been close. Despite my shitty choices, she treated me like her own flesh and blood.

I pull back and wipe a tear from my eye. “Did Skylah want you to raise me?”

Air rushes from her lungs as if she’d taken a blow to her chest. She stumbles on her feet. “W-why would you ask that?”

Because it feels like that’s the way things were meant to be.

I can’t tell her that because it’d be disrespectful to Penny. I know she did everything to give me a good life.

“I need to show you something.” I pull my phone from my pocket and display one of the photos Liv forwarded to me, taken from Jean’s yearbooks.

When her gaze locks with the photo of Skylah singing, she sucks in a sharp breath and grabs the device from me, clutching it with both hands. “Where did you get this?”

“Liv’s aunt knew Skylah from school and lived in the same building a few years later. Around the time she was pregnant with me.”

“Jesus, Mary and Joseph,” she says on an exhale. She grips the fence post with one hand while staring at the image. “Skylah Kennedy.”

“I told Liv pretty much everything. She knows about Daynah too.” I show her the remaining photos.

Colour drains from her face when she eyes the photo of Nate.

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