Page 62 of Sexy Dirty Fun

I would worry about that later. For now, I was going to think about seeing her. That was all that mattered.

I didn’t sleep much that night, channel surfing and thinking about Lindsey. A few times I was tempted to have a drink, but that would have meant leaving the house. I didn’t keep any alcohol in my apartment anymore. I even thought about going to a bar to see if I could pick up a woman, but that didn’t seem right either.

I fell asleep on the couch somewhere around two AM and was woken up around seven by a phone call from Diesel. He was my daily wake-up call when we were in the studio; he knew I had trouble getting my ass out of bed. I showered and made it to there by eight.

The day was busy as usual and we didn’t even break for lunch since we had to quit early that day for the party. I tried not to think about Lindsey and focus on the music, but it was hard. I was distracted all day.

“Are you ok?” Diesel asked during one of our breaks.

“Yeah,” I nodded. “I have to admit I’m nervous to see Lindsey tonight.”

“I bet. It’s what, three years?”

“Three years,” I repeated slowly. “Three long years.”

“Don’t do anything stupid tonight,” he warned.

“I won’t,” I assured him. “If I still drank, I couldn’t guarantee that, but I think it’ll be fine.”

“Good,” he said. “But if you think it might get out of hand, promise me you’ll find me or you’ll leave.”

“I promise,” I said as the band came back into the studio. Diesel’s concerns were ridiculous but I couldn’t blame him. In the past, I didn’t do anything small and had been known to create some drama now and again. Not tonight. Tonight, I only wanted to see her and talk to her for a few minutes. It was no big deal.

If it was no big deal, then why was I so nervous?

30

LINDSEY

“Are you sure you want to come along?” I asked Zach, my boyfriend of eight months. He was in LA with me for a Rolling Stone party but judging by the khaki’s and button-down shirt he had on, he had no idea what he was in for. He obviously had never been to a rock and roll party before. His blonde hair was damp from his shower and his blue eyes twinkled in the light of the hotel room.

Zach was definitely good looking but in a way totally different than any other guy I dated. The men of my past were covered in tattoos and had more piercings than I did but not Zach. He was as clean cut and Midwest as they came. There was no denying that under that preppy boy image, he was built like a football player. With his 6’4” frame, he towered over me and it was a favorite pastime of mine to trace the muscles of his six-pack with my tongue.

“Of course,” he said and adjusted his glasses with a smile. “Why wouldn’t I want to help my girlfriend celebrate her book?” He took his hands out of his pockets and sat down on the bed next to me. “This is what couples do, Lindsey. I’m going to support everything you do.” He leaned over and kissed my cheek.

“Right,” I nodded. “I better finish getting ready.” I squeezed his hand and went into the bathroom of our hotel room to put on my make-up. Zach thought I was nervous about the party because I hadn’t been in LA for a while and I was anxious about my book. He was only half right.

Rebecca told me she heard Cane might be there. I hadn’t seen him in three years. I left LA after running into Destiny and telling him to never contact me again. I hadn’t been back. I was a little bit disappointed he didn’t try to fight for me, but I was also relieved to have a drama free life again. Little did I know that agreeing to go on tour for Rolling Stone that summer would lead me on such an emotional roller coaster.

When I returned to Madison, I threw myself into taking care of Dad and finding freelance work I could do from there. I also pitched my book to my editor at Rolling Stone and he loved the idea. I got rid of my apartment in LA and any trace of my life there. Living with my Dad cut back on my expenses and I was able to focus on the book, picking up freelance work here and there.

I became a bit of a hermit for a while, not leaving the house unless I had to grocery shop or take Dad to an appointment. He started coming out of his shell, dealing with his grief. When he would talk to me about how much he missed Mom, it broke my heart. After Cane, I had given up hope of ever having that kind of love with anyone. In fact, I had zero interest in men and dating.

Until Zach.

I talked to my brother David almost every single day about how Dad was doing. He would ask about me occasionally, knowing it was a big adjustment for me to be back in Madison after living in LA. One day, he had a favor to ask of me. A good friend of his from New York and a fellow surgeon was coming to work at the University hospital. He didn’t know anyone in town and wanted me to take him under my wing. After some arguing, I agreed to meet him for dinner one night and show him around Madison. I had needed to get out of the house and talk to someone besides Dad or his doctors or the cashier at grocery store.

I had zero expectations when I met him. In fact, I thought I would have dinner with Zach one night and be done. I was pleasantly surprised when I ended up having a great time with him. He made me smile and laugh the whole night – something I hadn’t really done in a long time. It didn’t hurt that he was very sexy. He asked me to go out to dinner again a couple of days later and we’d been seeing each other ever since.

I wanted to take things slow but it was our fourth date and I had a little bit too much wine when we went out for dinner at a little Italian place. I attacked him when he took me back to his place and we slept together. The sex was good – very good, but he was so different than Cane. I knew I shouldn’t compare, but it was hard not to. Zach was passionate and always taking care of my needs and my pleasure before his own. Cane and I had a sense of urgency most of the time, like it was our last time together.

I didn’t tell Zach much about Cane and me. My brother swore he didn’t tell him anything either other than that we dated. I kind of glossed over my whole life in LA to Zach. He didn’t need to know about my old weakness for musicians. The less he knew about that time in my life, the better.

He had been asking me for the past month to move in with him. I wasn’t ready to commit to him on that level yet but I couldn’t tell him that. I used my Dad as an excuse but that was only going to work for so long.

I wasn’t sure what I was waiting for. My mother would be so happy if she saw who I was dating now. She used to always ask David to set me up with his friends but I always said no. It was ironic I was dating a surgeon now that she was gone.

I still thought about Cane every day. Despite being apart, I kept track of him best I could through the tabloids and Rebecca who was still in LA. I watched the whole Destiny thing blow up even more when he was arrested for hurting her and I was thankful to be away from that train wreck. When I read she wasn’t pregnant with his baby, I almost called him up but then I remembered all the pain I had been through because of him and refrained.

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