Page 81 of Single Girl Rules #ThreeHeadedMonster

“Hmmm…” I tapped my finger against my lips. “I don’t want to give any spoilers. But I can tell you that this next story - the story of Single Girl Rule #4 - does indeed feature you losing your virginity. And it’s epic. Seriously. I think every girl dreams of losing their virginity the way you did.”

“To a kidnapper with a huge dick? No girl dreams of that.”

“Well, he definitely had a huge dick.” I smiled to myself just thinking of Ash getting absolutely railed for the first time. “But you’ll have to wait and see who the lucky guy was. Spoiler alert - you’re going to freak the fuck out when I tell you.”

Ash’s eyes grew round. “Wait. Hold everything. Did Chad take my virginity? Or Scooter?!” She looked like she was about to have a heart attack.

“I said he had a huge dick, so I think we can safely rule those two out.”

“Then who was it?!” She was practically screaming.

“Excuse me,” hissed the librarian. “I’m going to have to ask you ladies to leave.”

“That’s not necessary,” I said. “My friend here was just excited because I was about to tell her the story about how she lost her virginity.”

“Apparently he had a huge cock,” said Ash. And then she lowered her voice to a whisper. “And I love huge cocks.”

I stared at her. Did Ash seriously just say that?!

The librarian looked even more shocked than me.

“You know what else I love?” asked Ash. “Your horned rim glasses. And Chastity’s stories! But most of all, I love banana juice!!!”

Oooooooh.

Now everything made sense. That third glass of banana juice had kicked in. Which meant Ash was now in her “I love everything” phase of drunkenness.

Ash tried to take a big gulp from my empty flask of banana juice and frowned. “Chastity. This is an emergency! I need more banana juice.”

“Shhhh!” hissed the librarian. “Do I need to call security?”

I waved her off. “That won’t be necessary. We’re leaving now.”

“Yeah,” said Ash. “We’re gonna go to Grotto’s. They have banana juice, right? And pizza! Ahhhh! I love their pizza!” She jumped to her feet and helped me up. “You can’t come with us though. Because you suck.” She blew a raspberry at the librarian as she ran out.

I started to run after her, but then I realized that I hadn’t put the rules back. The translated rules and my membership card were just sitting in the original book. And Ash had left it on the ground!

I picked the book up and just stared at it. These rules had changed my life. And as badly as I wanted to keep living by them…I couldn’t. I’d found the love of my life. The rules had helped me find him. And they’d taught me how to be a good friend. Someone else needed them now. I slowly pushed the book back into the shelf, knowing that whoever found them next…their life would be changed forever too.

Just kidding. Well, kind of. The bit about the next girl to find them having her life changed was 100% accurate.

But there was no way in hell I was gonna stop living by these rules.

I was a single girl for life!

Or at least for the next few hours. Because I hadn’t walked down the aisle yet. And I still had a few surprises up my sleeve for Ash before I did…

I smiled, hiked up my wedding dress, and ran after Ash.

She didn’t stop running until we burst into Grotto’s.

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“Banana juice!” she yelled at a guy in a red shirt who definitely wasn’t a waiter. “And twelve cheese pizzas. Now!”

The guy gave her a funny look.

“Don’t give me that sass, young sir. You’d want banana juice and a dozen pizzas too if you were about to hear the tale of how you lost your virginity to a guy with a huge cock.”

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