Page 8 of The Light to My Darkness (The Light to My Darkness 1)

"I've changed my mind. You can't read it now." I tried to wiggle out of his grip. I laughed as he pinned me to his chest and rotated us so that my ass was pressed against the desk.

His kiss silenced my laughter. God, I wanted to spend the rest of my life in his

arms.

"Dinner time!" Ellen yelled from the kitchen.

James sighed and pressed his forehead against mine. "The timing of that woman."

I laughed. "To be continued?"

He grabbed my waist and pulled me off the desk. "To be continued."

But we both knew that our night consisted of watching a children's movie with Scarlett and falling asleep on the couch. I was usually the first one to pass out.

Chapter 4

Friday

Scarlett was smearing the pasta around her plate with her hand. A few months ago she had started refusing to sit in her highchair. I missed the days where she couldn't run off in the middle of dinner like a little banshee. She was giving me that look like she was eager to play tag. It was only a matter of minutes before she screamed "you're it" to no one in particular and took off. I wasn't sure if I had the energy to play tonight.

"Honey, are you all done eating?" I asked. "How about we go wash your hands and get everything ready for movie night?"

"I want Daddy to do it!" She slammed her hands back down on the pasta sending sauce flying off her plate. She giggled and smiled up at me.

The smile lifted my spirits slightly, but I wasn't sure how many times she could say she didn't want me before I burst into tears in front of her. I knew it was a phase, but it didn't mean it wasn't hurtful.

"I can help you, Scarlett," I said. "Let your father do the dishes and get the movie set up and we'll join him in a minute."

"But." She stuck her bottom lip out and it looked like she was the one that was going to start crying. "Why can't Daddy help me?" She turned her adorable little face toward James.

"Of course I can help you clean up, pumpkin," he immediately said. He stood up and lifted her off her booster seat. "Let's go get you washed up again."

I sat there for a moment as they wandered off, wondering if that was it. That Scarlett was a Daddy's girl now and would never want my help with anything ever again. I sighed and started to clean up the mess she had left behind.

Doing dishes was one of my least favorite things to do when I was pregnant. It was hard to lean over with my hands in the sink with my huge stomach in the way. And for just a brief moment I was bitter. Because James knew that. When I had been pregnant with Scarlett I had mentioned that it hurt to do dishes once and he had been on top of it every night. Or he would at least insist that they just soak in the sink for Ellen to do in the morning. He barely let me lift a plate.

I leaned down and buried my hands in the soapy water. I was scolded with a soft kick. I know, baby boy. But I'll do them quickly.

There was no reason to be bitter. I rinsed off one of the pans and set it on the drying rack. James was being a good father. I understood that Scarlett came first now. And I was glad that they were two peas in a pod. I was.

Damn it, so why am I crying? The hormones were making me feel insane. I blinked hard to try and will the tears away as I rinsed off another pan. James had just told me that he lived and breathed each day to see my smile. But that wasn't even true anymore. He lived and breathed to see Scarlett's beautiful smile. And sometimes, just sometimes, I missed having his undivided attention.

"Ow." This time my hand went to my chest. The plate I was holding made a terrible clattering noise as it hit the side of the sink, and then it plopped back into the water. I closed my eyes and willed the sharp pain to go away. Ever since the doctor had told me about my condition, I had these phantom pains. I knew they weren't real because I had never had them before. It was just in my head. But no matter how many times I told myself that, it still felt like my heart was being sliced in two.

I'm okay. We're okay. I looked down at my stomach. The pain slowly subsided and I reached back into the water and lifted up the plate. Luckily it had survived the fall. Everything's okay.

"What are you doing?" James grabbed the plate out of my hand. There was an icy look in his eyes and a sternness in his voice that I didn't quite understand. "We were going to do those." He plopped Scarlett down on the counter and she leaned down and picked up a spoon out of the sink.

"Daddy said we were doing dishes tonight, Mommy!" She slapped some of the bubbles in the sink with the spoon.

James turned away from me. I thought maybe I had imagined his tone and the look in his eyes, but his back seemed rigid and uninviting.

"Thank you." I lightly touched his back and leaned over and kissed the top of Scarlett's head.

Neither one of them acknowledged me.

I just knew I was a few seconds from bursting into tears and I didn't want to be seen. Tonight I wanted to disappear. I took a step back from the two most important people in my life. And I tried not to think about the fact that I wasn't sure either of them needed me anymore.

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