Page 37 of Between the Flames

CHAPTERTWENTY-ONE

Istared down at my phone in disbelief for several minutes, long after the screen had gone dark.

Ryder was coming over.

Why?

I knew I responded to his text message way too quickly. I was too desperate to see him again, and I couldn’t figure out why I was doing this to myself.

Isn’t this what I had successfully avoided for over a decade?

Isn’t this exact moment the one that I knew would break me, so I had done everything that I could to make sure that it would never happen?

Then, in a matter of seconds and a text message later, it was all about to come crumbling down.

The knock at my door came too fast. I pushed the side button on my phone to illuminate the time—it had been less than fifteen minutes, which means that there was no way that he wasn’t on his way over when he messaged me. He would have never made it from Shadow Hills to my house in that short amount of time.

For a split second, I debated on not answering the door. If I simply didn’t open the door, then the guard around my heart would stay safely secured. If I didn’t open the door, he would eventually just leave and we could both go about our lives and pretend like we had never even seen each other last week.

But we had, and now he was out front of my house, knocking again.

“Elle, please let me in.” His voice came through the door muffled with a hint of defeat. I counted to thirty in my head as an effort to slow my racing heart, before taking a deep breath and pulling the door open. The walls around my heart softened as I took in his appearance. Meeting the gorgeous shimmering emeralds of his eyes, I inhaled a breath as I momentarily got lost in them. Still so beautiful, filled with unspoken words and emotion, this time there was something more. Something I couldn’t quite pinpoint.

He entered my studio, taking in the small space. His scent surrounded me. Aftershave, pine, and sawdust filled the air, even though it was clear he wasn’t wearing his work clothes. I let my eyes flutter shut as I mustered up the courage to speak. When I reopened them, he was staring back at me, so I gestured over to my small couch.

We sat by the fireplace, him on one end of my sectional couch and me on the other. The magnetism between us begged me to scoot closer, but I refused. I needed to keep a clear head, and everything about him clouded my senses.

Time passed slowly as we sat staring into the fireplace, the tension in the air building with each passing minute. Stealing a glance, my breath caught as the firelight illuminated his face in a warm glow. He raked his fingers through his hair and down his face, letting loose a guttural growl.

“Why do you keep doing this to me, Elle?”

“What?” I breathed, the air barely making it up into my throat for me to produce the word.

“Pulling me back in. It’s been years. Fucking years, and not once have you left my thoughts.”

His words crashed over me like an ocean wave, drowning me before I even knew what was happening.

“I’ve tried to be a good man, a family man, but you were always there, creeping into my thoughts and making me feel like I made the biggest mistake of my life, putting someone else before myself.” He scoffed and shook his head. “Two someone else’s, actually. Jesus, I’m fucked in the head.”

Processing his words, I stood and started pacing in the space between my couch and the kitchen. It had been years, yet here we were in front of each other, unresolved feelings surfacing faster than an oncoming tornado. What could I even say? Was there even anything to say? This was all happening too fast, and I felt like the weight of the world was sitting on my chest.

I stopped pacing and faced away from him, staring toward my small kitchen while biting my thumbnail nervously, a habit that I had since I was a child. I sensed his presence behind me, but I didn’t turn. He was so close I could practically feel him, but he wasn’t touching me at all. His fingertips brushed my shoulder blade, and I finally spun around to face him, forcing myself to be confident and hold my head high.

“You chose her,” I breathed, looking into his eyes, feeling like the wind was being knocked out of me.

“I chose her for our kid, not because I wanted her.” The angered tone of his voice made my stomach drop. “I was going to break up with her and then she told me she was pregnant. What was I supposed to do?”

I threw my hands up, frustration bubbling. “It doesn’t matter, Ryder. She’s still your wife, and I chose Noah.”

“You chose wrong,” he growled, grabbing me softly by the neck and pushing me up against the door, our lips so close they were practically touching. I stopped breathing, a primal sense of need washing over me as he stood close, breathing heavily. His nose brushed mine and my eyes snapped closed. I had to stay strong. This wasn’t the hill I would die on; I wasn’t a home wrecker and Lily had been my friend once upon a time.

I pushed him away, my push weak and my willpower even weaker.

“You need to leave. This can’t happen. Not now.”

“But this will happen Elle, mark my words. You. Will. Be. Mine. I’m done sacrificing having you for what isn’t even the right thing anymore. There are things you don’t know.” His eyes burned with more unspoken words that he wasn’t letting fall from his mouth. I stared at him with my lips parted, mentally begging my legs to move me further away from him.

“Please Ryder,” I whispered, “you need to leave.”

I pulled the door, holding it open while staring at the floor.

He stepped toward me and placed his strong fingers beneath my chin, tilting my head upward so that it forced me to look at him. His eyes darkened, burning deep into my soul.

“This isn’t done. It’s barely just beginning, Elle.”

He released me and stepped through the doorway. Once he reached the bottom of the porch, he turned back, giving me one last heated look, spilling everything that had been bottled up inside of me over the last ten years: longing, passion, lust, and a broken heart that was begging to be whole.

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