Page 31 of The Young & the Sinner

“I don’t think she meant anything by it. She was just wondering when it would be a good time to give you the talk. She didn’t think she needed to until you started dating. But since you haven’t dated until now…” he trailed off, and I had to lower my eyes. This was not what I wanted my mom and Max to talk about in their spare time. No wonder they had never gotten together. It couldn’t be romantic talking about your kid to a potential dating partner. That was probably why Max never made his move. Mom never set the right mood for it.

“Look, there is nothing to be embarrassed about. Sex is a natural part of living and shouldn’t be ignored or stigmatized.”

“Stop saying that word!”

“What word? Sex?”

“Gah!” I pulled the blanket up over my head to hide my face. I would never look at him directly in the eyes ever again. We would live here never having to look at each other. I was sure of that. And one day, Max’s hair would turn gray and I wouldn’t know it. That was the only way to live for now on.

Max poked my shoulder. “I think you’re exaggerating a bit, don’t you?”

I stopped my mumbling when I realized I said all that out loud. “No, I’m being completely serious.”

“Come out of there, Olive. We have to talk.”

“I don’t want to talk about this.”

“We have to talk about this. I would be remiss to pretend you’re not going to have sex just because I wished it. I know you’re an adult, and you get to make your own decisions about your body, but sweetheart, can’t you see that I just want to give you the proper tools to make the decisions that are best for you?”

I didn’t say anything. I knew he had my best interest at heart. That had always been the case. But to look him in the eyes while we talked about… that, was mortifying.

He pulled the blanket away, and I looked everywhere else but at him. Max cupped my cheek and turned me toward him. He playfully tapped my chin with his knuckles, his eyes gentle. “Like I said, I know you covered the basics in school, but I want to talk to you about everything else. Sex education in school can be cursory.”

I frowned. “What more is there?”

“Well, there’s the emotional aspect of sex. People think you can separate the physical and emotional, but it’s not that easy to do. Agreeing to have sex with someone means you’re willing to make yourself vulnerable to them. There has to be some level of trust between the two people. And even if you can separate the two, I find the sex to be less satisfying and empty without the emotional support that comes with it.”

Despite my discomfort, I was curious. Lizzie was definitely the experienced one out of the two of us, but not by much. She’d only had sex that one time. We didn’t talk much about it after she told me she lost her virginity.

When I didn’t say anything, Max continued. “There’s also consent.”

“Oh, I know all about that.”

“Yes, but do you know how many times the signal for consent is misconstrued? Whether it was misconstrued by accident or on purpose is a whole other conversation. Sometimes, saying no is hard to do when one partner feels this pressure to give into sex to make the relationship work.” He patted my knee, his eyes darkening when he said, “I would hate the thought of you hurting because of this.”

I grabbed Max’s hand and squeezed before letting go. “I know. I’ll be careful. I’ll communicate with whoever I’m with, when I’m ready to have, uh, you know, the sex.” I said the last word quietly.

“You don’t think it will be with Lorenzo?”

I shrugged. We kissed a few times, and each time had felt really good. But whenever he pushed for more, a large part of me just couldn’t get behind the idea. “I don’t know. Maybe? I just don’t feel like it at this time. Is that bad?” I bit my lip nervously. Maybe there was something wrong with me.

“No, sweetheart. It’s not bad. You do whatever you feel comfortable with. Your first time should be special. And it should be with someone you’re sure about. Understand?”

The fact that Max knew I had never had sex before was embarrassing. Was my inexperience really that obvious? But then the other option was for Max to think I did have sex before. And that thought was equally mortifying. I would much rather he not think about me and sex at all, even if he was thinking about it from a parental point of view.

“Yeah, I understand.”

“Good. And I made a doctor’s appointment for you two days from now. You can talk to her about anything you want, and you can talk to her about birth control.”

“Right,” I nodded. Did this mean the awkward conversation was over? That Max would leave the room and leave me to my embarrassment alone?

But that wasn’t what happened. It turned out that Max had the whole lesson planned. He stayed over an hour, and thirty minutes in, I was somewhat able to get over my embarrassment and ask a few questions. And Max patiently answered each one thoroughly.

I was just glad he wasn’t the kind to bring in STI pictures as a scare tactic.

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