Page 38 of Hardest Hearts

Theo was finally seen, but only after Joe took the chance to find out what was in the shadow. That had nothing to do with me.

And Joe’s legs that are now hindering him? Maybe they aren’t a positive change at all, even though they make him appear more human. Did the reading of the diary trigger something in him?

Is he trying to be more of what is expected?

Michael drops to one knee and I climb onto his back. Fewer horns and new feet. If the horns were the responsibility that he carried, does he feel like he has less now, is that because of Theo helping?

My head nods with each step that Michael takes, and I spend the afternoon letting the thoughts roll around my head.

All I am left with when we stop is that it’s not me. It’s them and they are using me as a catalyst. Like all they needed was a reminder of how to change.

19

Joe

With only Theo able to see through the shadows, we are relying on him to guide us to the center. We are moving swiftly, covering more ground than we did yesterday and after crossing another ridge we are deeper into Under than Michal and I have ever been, so perhaps Theo is the best equipped to lead.

The closer we get, the more I can feel the center calling. It’s not a hunger, but more like a longing. I don’t know why monsters are called to the center. Perhaps it’s just so they can fight and die. Or maybe it’s to climb the spire and attempt to go home.

“There is a rock formation ahead. I think we need to find a place to rest there,” Theo says.

I’ll be more than glad to slide down, though once I am on the ground, I will be stuck. Annoyance bursts through me and I curse my ridiculous legs again. But I should curse my no longer needed tail instead. “Great.”

That I have to be carried by Theo, a monster—he’s not close to a man—I barely trust, is a rather bitter meal. But without him, I’d be fucked, and they all know it. Once we stop, I’ll be vulnerable, and that terrifies me. “Are we alone?”

“No. But I am too big for most of them to worry about.”

While the idea of going to the center and climbing the spire to go home seemed like a good idea, that was when we were back in the cave. It’s much easier to talk about death when it’s far away. An idea, rather than reality.

One fuck up here and we are all dead.

Well, three of us are. Theo will be fine.

Maybe it’s not the center I can feel calling, but my death. Is that what I’ve been chasing this whole time?

“It’s a good thing I ate,” Theo says.

I pat his shoulder, not sure what to say. I don’t want to tell him it’s good he became a bigger monster. No one wants that, for him or ourselves. But if he hadn’t, I couldn’t have kept going. “You aren’t feeling hungry?”

“Always, but I won’t give in again.”

That’s like me vowing that I will never be angry again, that I won’t lash out. I glance at my legs. If I do, will I lose them? Shit, I don’t want to lose them. I have spent the day cursing them, but they are my link to returning to human.

Theo comes to a stop. “The rock formation is in front of us. Should we climb it or look for caves?”

Michael places Julie on the ground. He winces as though today’s travel has taken a toll. Is that the cost of becoming more human? He still looks bulky, and his head is crowned with horns, though less of them. The bandage on his arm is stained with blood, like it hasn’t healed.

Even though he was stabbed, he should have healed by now and carrying Julie shouldn’t have tired him. I want to ask him what is going on, but he won’t answer honestly. Not in front of Julie and Theo.

Michael looks up at me. “I’ll have a look around and see if there is a safe place to stop.”

Usually I’d offer to go with him to guard his back. Julie can’t go with him, and nor can Theo, not unless he leaves Julie with me. And no one is going to do that because I can’t even defend myself.

Sending Julie with Michael will only put him in more danger.

I toss him a spike and he catches it with one hand. “Be careful.”

“I always am.”

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