Page 37 of Hardest Hearts

He doesn’t say it to anyone in particular. He knows the rest of us read, or had it read to us, the page and he is the only one being kept in the dark.

“No good will come of it,” Joe says. “It should have remained in the book, unspoken.”

If I’d been able to speak, I’d have told him. Then it would have only been between the two of us.

Theo stares ahead as though determining the best path forward, his maw taking up most of his face. If I take small glances, it’s not so bad. It’s only when he faces me, I have to try not to flinch. What if when he becomes human sized again, he expects… I suppress a shudder. I don’t think I can. Hopefully by that time he will have a different mouth.

“But it has been spoken,” Michael says.

Joe sighs. “We weren’t trying to keep it from you. Julie read it, and I wanted to know what I’d written, so Theo read it to me in private.” The tip of his tail flicks and he looks at me for help.

What am I supposed to say?

Before I can conjure up the right words, Theo speaks. His round maw moves only slightly, but his words are perfectly formed. “When you first started helping Joe, he fancied you. He was hoping you’d want more than just living together.”

Yeah, that was the safe version of what was written, leaving out the graphic detail of what Joe actually wanted.

Michael is silent.

“See? I told you it was best left unsaid.” Joe crosses his arms and turns away. If he’d been able to move, he’d slither off to scowl somewhere else. “It was stupid anyway. I had a lot of stupid thoughts back then.”

“It’s not stupid. It was something you felt.” Michael shrugs his hefty shoulders. “You’re lucky you have written reminders of who you were. That you were able to hold on to desire the whole time. I think I’d forgotten what that was by the time I met you.” He jerks his chin at me. “Your offer reminded me, though I don’t know how.”

“Because you got to be a monster and take. Most would have taken what they wanted and then eaten her anyway,” Theo says. “You remembered enough not to do that.”

“Maybe I could hold on to desire, because I was around you even though I forgot the reason why,” Joe says. “It doesn’t really matter.”

My gaze flicks over the three of them. “I think it matters. You all held onto something different. Joe kept lust. Michael, the desire for a home, and Theo your body.”

“And?” Joe asks. “What does it matter that I remembered how to have a wank?”

“The act of holding onto something stopped you from sliding over the edge even when you were almost there.” I hold his gaze.

“My body?” Theo turns to me. “I fought to hold on to whatever memories I had.”

“But your body is human. You don’t have scales or spines.” Except for his head, the shadow, and his size, he is mostly unchanged.

“I don’t have a face.”

“You do, though that isn’t human.” He’s all eyes and mouth, and has more teeth that I can count. I force myself not to look away.

Michael stares up at Theo. “Why are you so human looking? Did you revert after failing to climb?”

“I don’t think so. I shrink when not eating. I think I had the shadow when I climbed.”

Who was Theo before he was dragged here?

He turns to Joe. “Get on. We should press on and find a place to stop for the night.”

Joe does his slow waddle until he is close enough to pull himself up onto Theo’s back.

I pass him up the bone spikes. “How long until we get there?”

“Another day or two. Joe needs to sort his situation out before we reach the spire.”

I press my lips together. Yeah, and that means having sex. They released me from the deal, but the need and expectation remain and if I say no, then I’m… I catch the thought. I’m not a bitch for saying no. And while it has been sex that has caused the changes so far, I’m not convinced that’s the reason.

I got my voice back because I realized how much they valued me.

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