Page 29 of Silent Secrets

“Good.” I dig my hands into my thighs, using the bite of pain to keep my emotions in check while I bring up the next topic. “I need to know what happened to the major court royals—to my family.”

Grace hesitates, tapping her fingers against the desk. “I am not trying to keep this from you, I promise you, but are you sure this is what you want to begin your day with?”

“Do I want to talk about this? Hell no. But I need to know and I can’t put it off, or I’ll just keep putting it off.” I shrug.

Grace stands up, walking over to the window and leaning her head against it. Her shoulders shake lightly as I watch her and it takes me a moment to realize that she’s crying. I hate myself for forcing her to talk about something that obviously upsets her. I almost tell her not to worry about it, but I know I need to know.

It wasn’t an accident that everyone in both major court royal lines died at the same time, and it is possible that whoever had killed my family could come after me. I have to know the details so that I might be able to protect myself. But that won’t keep me from offering comfort to someone who is hurting.

Climbing from my chair, I move to stand behind her. I haven’t had a lot of experience with trying to comfort someone, but I know how my mom comforted me when I’d needed it. I wrap my arms around her and hug her close. She freezes for a moment before sighing, her body relaxing back against mine.

I don’t know how long we stand there with me hugging her from behind while she cries, but eventually her tears stop and she steps away from me. She places her hands on my cheeks as she gives me a half-smile.

“Your empathy for others will be a great asset to you when you take the throne, but make sure that you don’t allow others to take more from you than you can give.”

I’m not sure that I fully understand her words—after all, all I’d done was hug her—but I just nod. Once again, my lack of friendships growing up is hurting me. It has me wondering if the reason so many people seemed uncomfortable around me might have something to do with the fact that I’m Fae. Is it possible that the humans I grew up with could tell that there was something different about me? Could I tell that there was something different about me?

Grace lets her hands fall before nodding toward the small couch that sits on the far side of her office, pulling me from my thoughts. “Why don’t we sit over there and I’ll tell you what I know?”

I follow her, sitting with my back in the couch’s corner and lifting my legs before me so that I can rest my chin on top of my knees. My arms wrap loosely around my shins as I watch Grace, who seems to be working herself up to talking.

“Before I tell you what happened to the major court royals, you should know that your mother and I grew up together. We were born only days apart, and we were the best of friends as far back as I can remember. That was well over three hundred years ago.

“When she took the throne after both her parents passed, she asked me to be her assistant—her advisor. She told me that she didn’t think she could be the queen that she needed to be without me by her side. I, of course, said yes because no one said no to your mother. Everyone loved her. She just had a way about her.”

I bite my lip as I feel tears prickling. It hurts that I’ll never get to know her. Yes, I’d had a mom that I loved and who I’d lost much too soon, but I would have loved to have known the woman that Grace describes. Something tells me that I would have loved her too.

But hearing about her also makes me question so much about myself. I know I was lonely growing up because I didn’t have friends to play with like the other kids my age, but I’d had my mom. And that had been enough for me—hadn’t it? Or had I just told myself that it had been enough? If I look deep down inside myself, will I find that I’d always known that something was missing? That something made me different?

Even as I ask myself these questions, I know the answer.

Yes. Yes, I’d known, but I hadn’t understood it, so I’d pushed it down. I hadn’t wanted my mom to think that I loved her less, or that she wasn’t enough for me by telling her I didn’t feel whole. It’s this realization that makes me understand Grace’s earlier words.

Not wanting to hurt my mom, not wanting to feel her pain, I’d pushed down that part of myself. I’d allowed someone else’s feelings to be more important than my own. I’d made myself less to make sure that I didn’t hurt her.

If I’d grown up in Sorlphi, would I have been more like this mother that I’ve never known? Would I be loved by all? Would I be the belle of the ball? Would my life have been easier? And does it even matter?

“She married King Ethan before she took the throne, but it wasn’t exactly a love match. In fact, your mother admitted to me not long after you were born that she’d only married him because she knew that she’d never find love—because she’d already found it.

“She’d kept it from me, but she’d met King Oliver, who was already ruling over the Unseelie and married, not too long before she met Ethan. And she’d fallen in love with him, even knowing that they could never be together. She knew it was wrong on so many levels, which is why I think she didn’t tell me, but she couldn’t seem to help herself.”

I frown, not liking to hear this part of my mother’s story and I don’t think I do a good job of keeping the judgment from my tone. “So, she settled for a guy she didn’t love because she was in love with another man who was already married?”

“I’d be careful judging others, Hadley. Especially when they’re not here to defend themselves,” Grace scolds and I wince at her words, because she’s right. I’ll never know either of my parents’ side of the story.

“As I was saying, she married Ethan because it pleased her father and she knew she couldn’t have the man that she was in love with. After she’d given Ethan three children, the two of them lived separate lives, and somehow she ended up in Oliver’s bed. I don’t know the details and I didn’t want to know.

“But you should know that you were conceived out of love—even though your birth, and their love, was scandalous. Your mother didn’t tell your father about you until after I’d already taken you to L’Airid. They fought over her decision and he even tried to find you, but eventually Lilian convinced him that you were safer there.”

“Did my siblings know that I existed?”

Grace shakes her head. “No, only Lilian, Oliver, and I knew you existed. Neither of your parents wanted to place that burden on your siblings. I promise that I’ll tell you what I knew of each of them after your birthday when we’ll have more time. But as far as their deaths… Lilian and Oliver’s throats were slashed, and we concluded that they were more than likely tortured based upon their other injuries—I just don’t know why. Your siblings, Queen Caroline and King Ethan were all poisoned. We weren’t able to trace the poison, as it isn’t from Sorlphi. From what we could tell, it was pain free. They went to sleep and just never woke up.”

I shake my head, trying to wrap my head around what she’s telling me. My parents had been tortured before their deaths? I can’t help but wonder if the torture they endured was because they knew about me. But how would that have been possible? Grace has just told me that only the three of them knew about my existence… unless they’d trusted the information with someone else.

I guess there’s really no way that I can know the answers to my questions unless I find the person or people that killed the royal lines. As much as I want to try to find out who did it, I know that I don’t have the resources. Maybe once my birthday has passed and I have my magic, I’ll be able to look into it more?

What I do know is that I won’t allow them to go unpunished, as my mom’s killer had. I hadn’t been able to do anything to find the person who had killed her in a hit and run, but maybe I can do something to avenge the family that I never knew.

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