Page 94 of Daughters of Paris

After a particularly nasty vomiting episode she undressed and stared at herself in the mirror. She looked pale. Since food shortages had reduced her diet, she had lost weight, but now her cheeks were slightly plumper and her breasts were regaining their fullness. She had never bled particularly regularly and the reduced diet had meant she often went a full five weeks in between. Now she was up to seven.

Colette could no longer deny the probable truth that she was pregnant. She was about six weeks gone by her calculations. It was almost June now so the baby wouldn’t be due until December, but she would only have another three months at most before she couldn’t hide the bulge.

She leaned over the bath and sobbed. She couldn’t bear to burden Sébastien and definitely couldn’t admit it to Delphine and Louis. She couldn’t even begin to plan what to do. Every time she tried, her thoughts became tangled and she wanted to cry again.

She avoided Delphine and sat on the patio in a deckchair where the breeze helped her nausea and the morning sun was making a valiant effort to appear when Fleur approached her, carrying a jug of lemon verbena tisane, and two glasses.

‘I saw you out here and thought I’d join you. What on earth are you doing outside? I’m still trembling inside from this morning.’

Colette gave her a wan smile. Fleur hadn’t come home the previous night. It would be good to have something to take her mind of her own troubles.

‘Were you and Laurent doing something together?’

Fleur put the tray onto the table. ‘Not what you are thinking. Stop teasing me. I didn’t see him. I haven’t for a week.’

Her eyes grew slightly dreamy and Colette smiled for the first time in a few days. A distraction was what she needed. ‘I wasn’t teasing, I was asking. Can you tell me what you were doing?’

Fleur looked around her. They were alone in the garden. Louis was at the factory and Delphine had set off for a lunch engagement with a friend.

‘I had to take someone from one safe house to another but the checkpoint guards were being extra careful. Fortunately, the man I was with thought quickly and we pretended to be a couple having an argument so they pushed us on quickly.’ Her hair had come loose at one side and she blew upwards to move the strands out of her eyes. ‘You know I shouldn’t be telling you anything about what I do, but it’s good to have someone to confide in.’

She poured two glasses of water and gave one to Colette who drank it eagerly. The hint of lemon verbena was sharp and fragrant and went a little way to slake her thirst and settle the nausea. She raised her head and realised Fleur was staring at her with a serious expression.

‘Colette, will you consider joining me in what I do? Laurent says there are many roles and so much to do.’

Colette’s stomach tightened. She feared for one moment she was about to vomit again. The timing couldn’t have been worse. If Fleur had asked a week earlier, she might have considered it.

‘I can’t.’

‘Can’t, or won’t? I know you’re brave enough.’ Fleur drew close to Colette. ‘You killed a man, Colette. You could do anything if you put your mind to it.’

She sounded so full of belief.

‘I can’t,’ Colette repeated. Tears began to prickle.

‘Why not?’ Fleur asked. Colette could sense the exasperation budding in her voice. ‘I don’t understand. You’re brave and I know you care. You would not have helped hide Michal otherwise. Why won’t you now?’

Colette had intended to keep her condition secret for as long as possible but now she was consumed by the urge to share the news. Delphine had expressly forbidden her from telling anyone the first time, but Delphine was not here and Colette was no longer a child. She clutched her water glass tightly and looked Fleur in the eye.

‘Because I am pregnant.’

Fleur gasped. Her face contorted into an expression Colette couldn’t read. Disgust or contempt, most likely.

Colette gulped a sob. She pushed herself to her feet and lurched down the garden, tears swimming in her eyes. She pushed through the bushes and into the Secret Garden. She hadn’t been there since Michal had left and she struggled to open the door. Maybe she could hide here until the baby came. She buried her face in her hands and tried to drown out the world.

She wasn’t sure how much time had passed but eventually she became aware that Fleur was standing in front of her, holding out her glass.

‘Thank you.’ Colette sipped it gratefully.

‘Who else knows? Sébastien does, I assume?’ Fleur paused, then asked uncertainly, ‘The baby is his, isn’t it?’

‘Of course it is,’ Colette snapped, glaring at Fleur. ‘What sort of slut do you take me for?’

Fleur looked mortified. ‘I don’t! I’m sorry. Of course the baby is Sébastien’s.’

She sat heavily on the cold frame beside Colette.

‘I haven’t told him yet. I’m very early on. Part of me hoped…’ Colette tailed off and gave a sob.

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