Page 21 of North (The Moral Compass 2)

“Okay, as you wish. But North needs to know and understand. This isn’t his fault, Kara.”

I nod and I agree, but I still can’t and won’t tell him.

The bed is fucking lumpy as hell, and I just toss and turn all night. Strange noises make me jump. There are car horns beeping and people shouting on the street below. I’ve got used to being in a house with silence at night. Every little bump or crash sounds ten times louder.

I wish North was here with me to hold me and tell me everything is going to work out, but I made the decision to leave. It was my choice. I have to live with that now. My phone has vibrated on and off all night. It’s plugged in to charge. I can’t turn it off, but I can’t look at it, either.

Morning comes around, and I pick up my phone. There aren’t as many missed calls, but hundreds of texts. It’s about a fifty-fifty split between North and Sutton. I need coffee before I can even think about reading them. I already know what they are going to say so why not caffeinate up and be ready for the onslaught? I decide to read Sutton’s first.

Sutton: I don’t know what’s happened and according to North, neither does he, but you need to talk to me, Kara.

Sutton: Please, Kara, just text me back.

Sutton: If you don’t text me back, I’m getting on a plane and coming to you.

Sutton: Don’t test me, bitch. Either text me back or I’m on my way.

Sutton: Sorry. I’m just worried. You know I can’t travel, so please text me back.

There are so many just like those, but it’s the last one that kills me the most.

Sutton: North is a mess. He has gone off the deep end big-time, Kara. I’m worried for him, and if you think anything of him, you will either ring him or ring me. I’m so mad at you right now.

Wow, she’s mad atme!Okay, so, yes, I’ve been selfish and not talking to anyone but fucking hell, Sutton, I’ve just had my heart broken, and you’re taking your nearly brother-in-law’s side.

I’m so angry, I pick up the phone and press her name. She answers before it even rings properly.

“Oh, thank God, thank God. Kara, I’m sorry. I’m not mad at you; I just needed to get you angry enough to want to tell me to fuck off. Please don’t hang up.” She is sobbing down the phone, and my heart shatters into a million pieces.

“I’m not putting the phone down, Sut. But you and North both need to stop with the calls and texts. Sherie said I would call you today, and I have, but the amount of pressure you two have put me under is ridiculous. I’ve made a decision, Sutton, and it’s probably not what either of you want to hear, but I’m staying here. For now, anyway. I need some space to be me.”

My calm voice starts to falter as I hear her sobs turn to cries down the phone. Fuck, this is hard. She is my best friend, my sister in everything but blood, and I can’t stand hurting her like this, but I need to protect myself.

“I’m sorry, Sut, but things are not the same for me as they are for you. I know you liked the happy foursome, and so did I, but I’m not cut out for that lifestyle.” My tears fall fast as I struggle to get the words out. “I’m not what North needs. I’m sorry, Sutton. Please,pleaseask him to stop with the texts and calls, and I’ll ring you in a day or so when I’ve sorted out somewhere to stay, okay?”

“And North? What do I tell him?” she snaps.

“Either what I’ve just told you or that I’ll call him in a few days. It’s up to you what you feel more comfortable with. I am sorry, Sut, but my heart is broken, too.” With that, I end the call. I can’t speak anymore.

I haven’t smoked since the abduction. Strange, really, because you’d think I’d want one more after that, but after a few days of not having them, I’d decided to quit. It was going well, too, until I walked out onto the patio and Sherie was sitting with her coffee, smoking a cigarette. I pick up the pack and take a big sniff. Fuck, they smell amazing.

“Have one if you want. They are so much cheaper over here.” She passes me the lighter as I sit down with my coffee and my new best friend, the cigarette. One drag is all it takes, and I’m coughing like a bloody ninety-year-old.

“Shit! Why did I smoke before? It never tasted that bad.” I cough some more.

“These are French. Much stronger.” She laughs. “You won’t be taking it back up, then, I take it?” She giggles. I just shake my head as I put out the white demon stick.

“How did it go with Sutton?” She raises her eyebrow.

“As you would expect, I suppose. I don’t think she understands that I just don’t fit in. It’s not where I belong. Fuck, I love North so much, it’s killing me, but he deserves someone he can take to dinner parties and awards and shit like that. Not me, with my straggly dirty-blonde hair and my foul mouth. I can’t even look at his messages. Each time I see his name on my phone, a lump blocks my throat, and I can’t breathe.” Tears appear again. I’d stopped for a few minutes. Sherie’s phone buzzes on the table.

Sutton: Please look after her and send her back soon. I miss her, the babies miss her, and North misses her. Please, Sherie. Xxx

Sherie: I promise to look after her, but I can’t promise to send her back. I’m not keeping her captive. She is her own person, Sutton, and she needs to come to terms with all of this. She needs time. I will make sure she is safe. You don’t need to worry. Xxx

Sherie might be a flighty nightmare at times, but when you really need her, she has your back. I walk back into the house and pick up my phone. I know I shouldn’t read North’s messages, but it’s like Pandora’s box. Just too much temptation.

North: I don’t understand, Kara, please just tell me what I did wrong. Xxx.

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