Page 26 of Giving It to the Monster

“Yeah, she’s right. I guess when I needed it most, he was there. I was the fool though, and Elena has every right to point it out. Saint is her brother, and he’s the better man. Look at what my choice of good guy did to me.” Natasha pointed at her fading bruises. “I came back to Sinners’ Corner. I came back to Saint.” Taking another large gulp of wine, she found her glass empty, and held it out for a top up. “This is probably going to sound crazy, but I sometimes felt like I deserved the hits from Simon.”

“What? Why?” Melissa asked.

The other women gasped and shook their heads. “Think about it. I never really committed to him. I didn’t even love him. I liked him. When he left, I didn’t wish to see him at the end of the day. I said ‘goodbye’, and ‘see you later’. If I didn’t see him for days at a time, and that happened, I wasn’t calling him, begging to know where he was. For the most part, we lived separate lives.”

“I couldn’t imagine doing that with Rage,” Penny said. “He’s always calling me. I miss him from the moment he walks out the door. I wonder about his day.”

“Me too, with Pipe.”

“I’m going to get some more wine,” Melissa said.

“I’ll help,” Natasha said, getting to her feet, and following the other woman out of the room. They walked into the kitchen, and Melissa opened the fridge showing an abundance of wine.

“I always make sure I have plenty for ladies’ night. I would have hired a stripper, but their men would kill me,” she said, laughing.

“You look a little uncomfortable. You okay?” Natasha asked.

Melissa stared at her, and then past her shoulder. “I don’t know. It’s complicated.”

“As complicated as me and Saint? Try me.”

Melissa nodded. “Okay, fine. I married Pea, and he provided protection for me and Penny. At the time, I knew we were not going to be faithful to one another. I was wild, and I liked variety, as did he. I thought he was attractive, and we promised each other, never to take a fuck to the next level, and to promise to talk if we started having feelings for someone else.”

“Wow,” Natasha said. “You agreed to this?”

“I wanted it. I was in my early twenties, marrying a man to help protect my younger sister. I wasn’t looking to just be with one man. I like Pea. He’s fun, and he was what I wanted.”

“Why do I feel a ‘but’ coming along?”

“But just recently something has changed. Like … Shannon. I like her. I also know that Pea has fucked her, and that she is a favorite because she likes it dirty.” Melissa paused, rubbing her fingers over her lips. “I don’t know. Shannon, she’s a good woman. Won’t ever try it on with another woman’s man.”

“She tried it on with Pea.”

“With the knowledge that I didn’t care. Sometimes I found it kind of hot to watch him, and he sometimes liked to watch me with different men. Back then I didn’t care. He could come and go as he pleased, and I wouldn’t say anything. Now, I like to know what he’s doing. He shares stuff with me, and I noticed that he comes home.” She laughed. “I’ve even been learning how to cook just so I can provide him a meal he actually likes.”

“That must be nice.”

“Yeah, it’s nice and it’s scary as fuck because, I’m actually in love with my husband, and I don’t even know if he likes me.” She laughed.

Natasha watched as tears filled the other woman’s eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

“No, this isn’t your fault.” Melissa waved her hand in front of her face, and took some deep breaths until the tears faded away. “I always believed I was doing the right thing, and now, I don’t know.”

“What is the right thing?”

“Marrying a guy I liked. Providing protection for myself and for Penny. Having the whole open marriage thing. It was kind of hot.” She held up her ring. “This didn’t mean anything to me. It was just a band that meant I belonged to Pea. Now, I worry that some woman, some club whore will give him something a lot more than me, and I’ll have to leave.”

“Have you talked to him?”

“No. I won’t talk to him about it. I can’t. I don’t want to be that woman that changes the rules after so long. I won’t scare him away.”

“But what if he’s feeling the same?”

“I don’t know, and you don’t know Pea. Anyway, enough of us being like baby girls. They’re wanting their wine.”

Natasha grabbed the bottle and entered the room, taking a seat. The conversation had changed to Emma and her upcoming fifth child. She listened while also wondering what Saint was doing. She doubted Shannon was the only club whore providing the club entertainment. Then her thoughts turned to Melissa. No one saw how troubled she was, or how much pain she was in. How long had she been feeling like this? Did Pea even have an idea?

You’ve got to stay out of it.

You don’t know a thing.

Sipping at her wine, she pushed all the other thoughts aside, and focused on the conversation, determined to have fun for once.

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