Page 32 of Jagged Line Paradise

“Shit,” he says, coming over to me, “Let me help you get up so you can fucking yell at me some more.” He chuckles, trying to lighten the mood as he bends to grip my arm, but it falls flat. Still, I let him help me up.

I brush the dirt from the back of my sweatpants. They’re long, all the way to the ankle, with loose fabric—no short-shorts for me for a while. I sigh looking up at him. My eyes flicker across the features of his face, from his square jawline to his slightly crooked but somehow rugged-looking nose, finally falling to lock in on his brown eyes.

He’s so beautiful to me, I could cry.

Why did he have to bring this upnow?

He lets out a slow breath, melting from anger into sorrow—a deep, aching sorrow that I can feel pass from his soul to mine. “Avalon. I’m going to LA. I have to go. I can’t pass up this scholarship. I can’t stay here. I can’t start a life here as the son of the fucking Canyon Carver. It’s fucking painful. I have to go.” He moves closer with a careful step, his hands clutching my biceps. “Sunshine…I can’t stay.”

I feel tears burn behind my eyes. The finality in his tone, in his words, in the determined look behind his brown eyes breaks me in ways I thought I couldn’t be broken. “Andrés, please—”

His lips crash into mine, bruising, rough but tender all at once. I kiss him back, but when my lips part, a sob escapes me. He swallows it down as if he could swallow my pain and take it on himself, except he can’t. My pain only blends with his and comes back at me stronger when I taste his tears on my tongue.

Ican’t do this.

I put my hands on his chest and push him back. “No. Andrés, no. Stay with me. Please? Stay here. We’ll find a way to make it work. We’ll build our own life together.”

“They hate me here, Lonnie. There’s nothing here for me. There’s no way for me to build a life…”

My tears finally tumble down my cheeks. “There’s nothing here for you?” I take a step back, placing my hand on my chest. “I’m here for you, Andrés. Aren’t I enough?”

He hangs his head and his shoulders shake as he cries with me. “You’reeverything. But I have to go. If I stay here, I might…I’ll end up just like him. And I can’t risk hurting anyone. Iwon’trisk hurting you. I need to be better, and I can’t be better here.”

I feel as small and insignificant as a mouse, and my voice reflects that. “You mean, you can’t be better with me?”

“That’s not what I mean. Youknowthat’s not what I mean.”

I swallow hard and sniff back my sadness, pulling my shoulders back and lifting my chin. “Yeah. I know. I know what you mean.” I brush past him and start walking. I stop after a couple of paces and turn back to face him. “Congratulations on the scholarship. I’m…I’m proud of you. I am. I hope you get everything you’ve ever dreamed of.”

As I turn and walk away, I cry. I always knew this day would come—the day when he told me he was leaving, with or without me. I foolishly hoped that something positive would come from what had happened to me, from what had happened to both of us. I thought the impact of it would change things, but it changed nothing. He was always meant to go out into the world, to do bigger and better things, with or without me.

He’s leaving me behind.

And I don’t think I’ll ever forgive him for it.

Part 2

Paradise Found

Present

Chapter 10

Andrés

Present

IGRAB Afistful of Julia’s mousy brown hair, twisting it in my grip and yanking her head back with a jerk. My lips brush over the shell of her ear. “I thought I told you to wear the red wig.”

“You get weird when I wear it,” she says too boldly for my comfort.

My statement was meant to be rhetorical. I prefer it when she doesn’t talk too much. Our relationship is transactional—fucking and nothing more.

I clamp my hand over her mouth to shut her up. “Why are your panties still on? Take them off and bend over.”

I feel the curve of her smile against my palm as her hands fall to her sides. She shimmies her hips as she lifts her black pencil skirt, reaching beneath to grab her red lace thong and shoving it down her thighs.

I don’t understand thong underwear.

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