Page 31 of Jagged Line Paradise

“She’s got a nice place. Not too far from campus.”

“Campus?” I lean away from him, turning my torso and head to look at him as if he just grew two heads.

“I applied to UCLA last year after I got my SAT scores back. And I got in.”

“What? You didn’t tell me that.”

I thought he told meeverything.

“I know, I’m sorry. I found out a couple of months ago. I didn’t want to tell you until—”

“Until what, Andrés? Until youwooedme and convinced me to come with you?” Agitation touches my tone.

“No, Lonnie. I…I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t think I’d be able to go anyway. But then I found out a few weeks ago that I got a full scholarship.”

I’m stunned into silence. I didn’t know he wanted to go to college—that he’d already applied, got in, got afullscholarship, and to UCLA of all places. He’s always been so smart, got good grades, scored high on his tests.

“What do you want me to say?” I ask him. “Do you want me to tell you it’s okay to go?”

He grabs my face in both hands, grips me tight, pulls me close until the tips of our noses touch. “I want you to tell me you’ll come with me.”

Part of me melts to his touch, but the rest of me is angry. I put my hand on his chest, wanting to push back, but I can’t. I can’t push him away from me. I don’t want him to leave me. I hadn’t realized until just now how afraid I was for this moment to come. I knew it would, yet it hurts like it was unexpected.

Why now?

I press my forehead to his. “Don’t leave me. Don’t leave me, Andrés. Stay here with me.” I bite my bottom lip. “I thought I’d never see this sunset again. How can you ask me to leave it behind after all I’ve been through?”

“There are other sunsets, Lonnie. All over the fucking world. I’ll find you a perfect view in LA, and we’ll watch it every night. Just like we’ve always done. But we can start over there. We can start over together.”

I shake my head and his moves with mine. “No. No. I can’t leave this place. Ican’t.”

“Why can’t you?”

“If…ifthatcan happen to me here, in my home, in my paradise…” I don’t know exactly what I’m trying to say, so I pause and take a slow breath. “I’m scared to leave. I’m scared of what’s out there in the world. This shouldn’t have happened to me here, but it did. When I think of leaving, of going somewhere else, it burns a hole in my chest. It makes me feel like I can’t breathe, like I can’t speak, like I can’t live.”

“I’ll keep you safe. You know I will.”

I pull back from his grip. “Do I?”

He drops his hands from my face. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“You couldn’t keep me safe from your own father.” He flinches and I know I shouldn’t have said it, but I can’t stop the words from tumbling past my lips. “How can you keep me safe out there? He took me from my home, Andrés.”

“Ifuckingknow that,” he grits. “I would think that’d be all the more reason for you to want to get the fuck out of here.”

“No.” I shake my head sadly. “It’s the reason I have tostay.If it can happen to me here—”

“It won’t fucking happen again, Lonnie! It was a fucking one in a million chance that it happened to you at all.”

“And that’s why I’m safer to stay here. Lightning doesn’t strike twice in the same place.”

“Dumbest fucking thing I’ve ever heard you say.” He pushes to his feet and paces away.

“Don’t call me dumb!”

He whirls back around to face me. “I didn’t call you dumb. What yousaidwas dumb. Fuck!”

I scoot back, slowly dragging my legs back onto the ledge. It’s still hard to move after the skin grafts on my inner thighs, so I’m slow. But I’m determined to get up so I don’t feel so small looking up at him.

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