No way would I be able to make up these miles. Unless I really pushed myself to go farther and farther.
There was a car waiting for me at the end of the trip—
But today I had pushed myself to hike twelve miles, mostly up hill, and felt like I might die...
And on and on.
* * *
Then the sun began to go down, and I still had a ways to go.
I dropped my pack and frantically dug through it for my flashlight.
A rustling sounded in the woods beside me.
It sounded big — footsteps — I froze, eyes shut.
Open your eyes, open your eyes, it’s right behind you, open your eyes.
I opened my eyes, fumbled my flashlight on, and pointed it in the direction of the noise — little mice scattering.
Jesus Christ that had been fucking scary.
I hefted the backpack up and got my feet under it again. No no no no no — my body did not want to take another step, but I couldn’t sleep here in the dark woods.
I waved my flashlight around and thought about where I was.
No idea, but it was the deep dark woods.
How far to the hut? I guessed about a half hour.
I joked to myself — if I was going in the right direction.
Wait.
I looked behind me.
I hadn’t turned around, right?
How long had I been digging in my pack? Had I turned when I freaked out about the mice? When I struggled on my pack? I hadn’t turned around, right?
Cold panic settled in my heart.
I dropped my pack to the ground and dug in the side pocket for my GPS. I turned it on and relief washed over me. See, Blakely, you’re going the right way, don’t be a dumbass.
I heaved the pack back on, my eyes stinging with tears, and walked in the direction I now knew was right, in the dark, pushing myself long past my body’s ability. Sweeping the light back and forth in front of me. I was terrified but couldn’t spare the energy to show it.
Instead it was just one foot in front of the other, trudging, and a constant state of panic.