Page 26 of His Heart

Cami: Fine, whatever.

Me: Don’t get mad. I’m just joking. How about Short’s?

Cami: OK

I wondered what was up with her today. I hadn’t seen her since the hospital last week. She’d come to visit me twice, both times sitting with me for an hour or so. I’d talked to her when I’d been discharged, but she’d had a big bio test this week, so I’d told her to stay home and study.

She was probably just stressed about school. Or maybe one of her sorority sisters was going through a crisis again. That seemed to happen at least once a week.

Although I thought I knew what was really bothering her. Based on things she’d said recently, she was hoping for more certainty about the future. I didn’t think she was worried I was going to die; she never seemed to entertain that as a possibility. But I got the impression she was hoping for more certainty about us.

I didn’t think she was itching to get married right this second. We were still pretty young. But I had a feeling she’d love to come home from dinner one of these nights with a ring on her finger. Even if that meant a long engagement while we finished school. A girl in her sorority had gotten engaged a few weeks ago, and Cami had talked about it for days on end. I knew a hint when I heard one.

I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that. But we’d been together for three years. Survived the transition between high school and college. Stayed together even though my illness had made a lot of things difficult. We loved each other, and that’s what you did when you loved someone. Stuck by them. Stayed loyal.

Cami had been loyal to me. Maybe I owed this to her.

By the time I left to meet her, I’d decided. I’d find her a nice engagement ring and make this official. Show her I appreciated that she’d stayed with me through everything.

We lived on opposite sides of campus, so it was easier to meet her at the restaurant. She was there, waiting for me in the lobby when I arrived. She looked pretty in a light green sweater, her long blond hair down and wavy.

“Hey, babe,” I said. I put a hand on her waist and kissed her forehead. “Have you been here long?”

“No,” she said. “Just a few minutes.”

It was hard not to tell her, but I figured she’d want the whole romantic proposal thing, and I didn’t want to spoil it. But as we took a seat in a booth, I felt better than I had in months. Being engaged to Cami would give us something to look forward to—something to focus on that wasn’t related to my illness. And it would be an outward display that we both believed I was going to get better.

My chest tightened and my breath felt suddenly labored. I tried to keep my face from showing discomfort. It was just a flutter—nothing too bad. Cami’s eyebrows drew together and she watched me while I breathed through it.

“I’m fine,” I said when I was sure I could sound normal.

“You’re not fine,” she said. “You’re pale. And those things are happening more than they used to.”

“They’re not serious,” I said.

She tilted her head. “Yes they are, Sebastian.”

We weren’t starting this date on the right note. I didn’t want to fight with her. “I know, sweetie. I’m doing everything the doctors tell me.”

“And you’re still sick,” she said.

“Are you saying I’m doing something to make myself sick?” I asked. “Because, believe me, at this point I’d do anything if it meant I’d get better.”

“No, that’s not what I’m saying.” She brushed her hair back from her face. “It’s just been a long time.”

“You’re telling me.”

“I keep waiting for the old Sebastian to come back,” she said. “You used to be so… so different.”

I wasn’t sure what to say to her. Of course I was different. I’d been through hell. What did she expect? “I’m not sure what you’re getting at.”

She took a deep breath. “Sebastian, I don’t think this is working.”

“What?”

“I think we need to break up.”

I stared at her, my mouth partially open. “You wanted to have dinner with me on our anniversary so you could break up with me?”

---