Page 27 of His Heart

“Oh my god, it’s our anniversary?” she asked.

What the fuck?“Yeah, I kissed you for the first time three years ago today. We didn’t really celebrate it last year because everything was so crazy. But you didn’t know that?”

“How can you expect me to keep track of something like that with everything else I’ve been through?” she asked. “It’s been horrible, Sebastian. I was there, remember? I saw you collapse. And every day since, I’ve been worried that it’s going to happen again.”

“So your solution is to break up?” I asked.

“I can’t handle it anymore.” Tears welled up in her eyes. “It’s too much. I can only see you if I put in all the effort. You barely have enough energy to go to your classes, let alone spend any time with me. I mean, god, when was the last time we had sex? I don’t even know.”

“What?” I asked. “Jesus, Cami, I’m doing my best.”

“I know you are,” she said. “But I fell for the old Sebastian. The guy who was big and strong. Who manhandled his opponents on the mat. He was kind of cocky, and so sure of himself. And we could actually do things. I’ve tried, Sebastian. Ever since state, I’ve tried to hold it together. But it’s too hard. Being with someone who’s sick all the time is too stressful. I’m not cut out for it.”

I blinked at her, trying to process what she was saying. She was breaking up with me. Our relationship, over. She wasn’t going to stick this out with me.

“Are you serious?” I asked.

“Yes,” she said. “I’m sorry. Maybe if things were different…”

“Yeah, if things were different. If I had a heart that fucking worked.”

“Sebastian, it’s not your fault,” she said. “But this is how things turned out.”

“Believe me, I know it’s not my fault.” I stood. My chest felt tight, but not because of a fibrillation. “It’s fine, Cami. Go find yourself a guy who can make you happy. Because I sure as fuck can’t.”

I walked away without waiting to hear her reply. I didn’t want to look at her anymore. How could I have been such an idiot? It was so obvious. She hadn’t been hoping I’d propose. She’d been trying to figure out how to break up with me.

Wishing I had the energy to walk all the way home, I hopped on a bus. My mind was restless. Walking across campus would have done me a lot of good, but I knew I’d only exhaust myself. My heart couldn’t work that hard.

The ache in my chest spread and my gut churned with emotion. Disappointment. Rejection. Sadness. My friends had mostly drifted away, but I’d thought Cami would be the one who’d stick by me. I’d thought she loved me enough. Obviously I’d been wrong.

Or maybe I just wasn’t worth loving through something like this.

---