Page 39 of Fragile Heart

“Yes, I’m fine. The first couple of years were really difficult, but now I just try to remember the good times. Kyle was always big on living life and not dwelling on things you can’t change. He accepted his diagnosis before any of us did.”

“That’s the guy in the picture on your bookshelf?” I look over my shoulder at the familiar picture and smile.

“Yeah. That’s us when we went off to college. He was already sick at that point, but he wanted to experience college. None of us could deny him that, so I went with him. We had a blast. It wasn’t until we graduated and came back here that things really went downhill.”

“I’ve never lost anyone I’ve been close to like that. I can’t even imagine it.”

I reach out and grab his hand.

“I’m glad you’ve never experienced it. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Don’t feel sad for me, though, ok? I still miss him every day, but it’s not as painful. I don’t think he’d want me to be sad for the rest of my life. He helped me become who I am today, and I’m so grateful for my time with him.” He squeezes my hand in acknowledgment.

“Do you want me to leave, so you can be by yourself tonight? I wouldn’t have sat outside your door like a stalker if I’d known.” Normally, I would say yes. In fact, for the past three years, I’ve come home from Kyle’s parents and sat here and cried all night. But this year feels different. I don’t want to be alone.

“No, I’d like it if you stayed.” He gives me a small smile before nodding. “Should we pick up where we left off with this?” I point to the LEGO ship sitting on my coffee table. It looks like a LEGO factory exploded in here, but I don’t mind. The smile on Hudson’s face every time he looks at it is worth the mess.

Hudson agrees and slides down to the floor to get in a better position to build. He sorts the pieces, and I find the spot in the instructions where we left off.

We work in silence for a while before he starts asking questions.

“Have you dated since Kyle?” It’s weird hearing Hudson say Kyle’s name. I don’t know if it’s because Hudson is the first guy I’ve really liked since Kyle or because most people don’t say Kyle’s name to avoid upsetting me.

But I’m glad he said it. I don’t want to ever forget him. Even if I do decide to move on.

“No. I haven’t dated anyone. It hasn’t felt right.”

“Do you think you’ll ever date again?” He doesn’t look at me when he asks this question as if he’s scared of what I might say. We’ve never talked about our relationships before, so this feels like a big step.

“I think so. Maybe I’ve just been waiting for the right person.” He looks over at me, his baby blues filled with something I can’t figure out but causes my stomach to somersault. He’s usually so closed off, and he’s actually letting me see him. It feels special. “Holly has been dying for me to get back out on the dating scene. I know I need to do it soon, if only to get her off my back.” I laugh, hoping to break whatever tension is building in the room. But Hudson doesn’t laugh. In fact, he doesn’t say anything. He turns to look back at the tiny LEGO piece he’s connecting.

Once it snaps in place, he says abruptly, “I’m going to head out.”

“Oh, ok,” I say in surprise. He normally stays until I’ve pretty much fallen asleep. Something is bothering him. He doesn’t want to tell me, and I don’t want to force it out of him. I’m confident he’ll tell me when he’s ready.

He stands from his position on the floor, and I follow him to the door. He pauses with his hand on the doorknob before looking at me. In one swift motion, he steps toward me and envelopes me in his arms. I press my cheek to his chest and wrap my arms around his waist, listening to his heart beating steadily and wishing I could stay in his arms forever.

After a moment, he releases me, turns, and leaves without another word. I’m left standing in my doorway, completely and utterly confused.

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