Page 64 of The Beta: Part One

Chapter 24

Talia

Jasper has the worst taste in movies. Well, that's not entirely true. It could be so much worse, we could be watching some kinds of wretched romantic comedy bullshit. One awful, campy movie turned into two and now we're three into what looks like an all-nighter. I don't really mind, I get to be snuggled up in Jasper's bed with him getting crumbs all over everything.

“More popcorn,” he demands, shoving the bowl at me, and I shake my head and roll my eyes. After the stress of tonight and the heaviness of the past couple weeks I think we both needed this movie night full of junk food and cuddles. Devon is in the kitchen when I round the corner on my mission for more snacks.

“He can go for a couple days if you let him,” Devon tells me, “Horrible horror movies or awful anime?”

This is a distinctly different type of conversation than the last one we had. “Horrible horror,” I sigh, and dig in the cabinet for the microwave popcorn.

“Do a bag of kettle corn and double butter,” he suggests. That actually sounds perfect so I get out a bag of each.

“I need to say something,” he says, looking at the microwave instead of me.

I start the microwave and give him my attention.

“I didn't mean for you to distance yourself from Jasper.”

I open and close my mouth a few times, before I can decide what to say. I know he didn't mean for me to distance myself, but I'm afraid. I'm actually afraid. I'm afraid of the pull I feel toward Jasper, I'm afraid of the intensity of the connection I feel to him. We've talked about it vaguely a few times, but neither of us really understands it. I think he might be a little afraid, too.

It's terrifying for me because Devon told me I would never be accepted, that I'd never be a permanent fixture in Jasper's life, that I was just a phase and he would get tired of me and then I would leave. He said it with such certainty that I believed him, and I still do.

I know Jasper is enjoying my body and my company right now, but I'm not part of his pack and he has his alphas and he will get tired of me eventually. And then what will I do? What will I do after I scrape my heart up off the floor after Jasper is finished with it? I'll be alone.

Corso said I would have a place with him, but I don't know if I could actually go. Especially after Jasper. What's worse is I know I should leave soon, before I get any more attached to something I can't have than I already am, but I can't bring myself to leave. I can't bring myself to leave Jasper. Just thinking about it makes my heart ache and my stomach burn.

“I don't know what you want me to do. I don't want to cause problems between you. I was stepping back because it seemed like that would be the most acceptable thing.” That's a secondary reason, and it's true. It seems like Devon is truly offended by my presence.

“Your closeness with Jasper isn't an issue. His discomfort is, though. So watch movies, take naps, fuck on the couch, whatever. Just keep him happy.” Devon's words are blunt, but it's fine with me.

When we returned from the auction he did tell me that he didn't need my relationship with Jasper to change, he just made damn sure I understood how temporary I am. His words that night shook me, made me feel off-balance and more disposable than I've felt in a very long time and I've been trying to protect myself with distance; not just between Jasper and I, but with all of them.

All I'm accomplishing is hurting myself, and Jasper in the process. It's been so hard to keep up a wall between us and I'm tired of fighting against myself. All day and night in the back of my mind I'm thinking of him and tamping down the urge to seek him out.

Whatever it is that is pulling us together isn't going to let up just because I'm afraid to let my heart get ripped out when this pack decides it's done with me, and now I have to choose to either give myself over to the intense connection and run with it, or fight it and run away.

I can't count the number of times I've imagined what might happen if Jasper doesn't get tired of me the way Devon says he will. What would his speech sound like then, I wonder? Would he force me away even though he said I could stay as long as Jasper wants me? I'm not sure about the others, but Devon is very likely waiting for the chance to tell me to leave.

It might be poking a bear, but I have to ask before I can decide my fate. “What if Jasper doesn't want me to go? In a long-term sense. What would happen? I meant what I said, I don't want to cause trouble with this pack, I only want to be with Jasper. I don't want to take him from you, but I feel this crazy, intense need to be with him any way I can. Obviously, if he does get tired of me then I'll go; but I need to know what would happen if he wants me to stay.”

Devon is quiet long enough that I have time to pop the second bag of popcorn. When he finally answers me his voice is tight with emotion, but rings with truth, “Jasper is our omega, he is the heart of this pack. If he needs you then we will do whatever we can to keep you. I don't have any answers beyond that. But you can't ever hurt him, Talia. You can't bring harm to him. If you do, make no mistake, we will kill you. I will break your neck myself, and that would be the least of what Kaleb might do. Do you understand?”

That's not a promise that he won't force me to leave regardless of what either Jasper or I want, but I think it's as close to one as he can, or will, give me. And the very thought of putting Jasper in danger is so abhorrent that if I ever did it I'd let them rip me to pieces without a fight. I'd probably be tearing at myself well before they ever got started on me.

“I would never, ever harm Jasper. I understand.” He holds my gaze with his own blue eyes for a long moment before nodding once and disappearing into the security room where Nathan may still be working. I guess we're all having a sleepless night tonight.

I empty the bags into a big bowl and grab a couple sodas from the fridge, and send a group text telling everyone that breakfast will be late in the morning. Jasper has the movie on the title screen and is waiting impatiently for me under a pile of blankets and surrounded by pillows.

“That popcorn took a really long time,” he shoots me some side-eye action and plucks the bowl out of my hands.

“Devon needed to talk to me. Everything's fine. Scoot over, princess,” I playfully shove his shoulder.

I'd like to claim that I know exactly what the movie is about, but I'm thinking too hard to retain a single plot point. I've been with this pack long enough to have a decent understanding of it. When my mother told me this was the strongest pack on the east coast she wasn't wrong or exaggerating. This pack is a powerhouse of political connections and physical strength. Partner those attributes with how they take care of each other, how they make each other stronger because of it, and how they rally around their omega and they become the perfect ideal.

Jasper is as much the stubborn male as they are, but he is cherished and protected by his alphas. I've watched them love him like an omega should be loved without lessening him as an individual. That's rare; most alphas who are lucky enough to have claimed an omega keep them on lock down. That's why I wasn't too terribly put out when I never had a heat, I couldn't stand a pack of alphas dictating every breath I take and never utilizing my skills or experience. I'd go insane.

That was one of the reasons I couldn't stay with Corso's pack. He understood and accepted that I was a beta, but he wanted and needed to treat me like a pampered, coddled, spoiled rotten omega. I couldn't tolerate it, but I tried my best to go along with it as long as I could.

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