Page 65 of The Beta: Part One

I think if I was the omega my mother wants me to be I might have been content with Corso. He is the only male other than Jasper who I have trusted my body with; he was the first. I never had sex with either of the other two alphas in his pack, but I imagine they would have treated me the same, with something close to reverence. The way Corso treated me and touched me made me wish, for a short time, that I was an omega.

But I was, and am, too much and not enough for his pack, and if I gave my heart to him like he asked I would have been ruined when he eventually found and brought home the omega he deserves. He would have carried such intense guilt and heartache that it would have brought a heaviness and a hardship to the rest of the pack, and I refuse to be the reason for that. Corso will find his omega, and she will be worthy of him; because if she isn't she will answer to me.

I fall asleep in Jasper's arms, my limbs wound around his, with imaginings of what it could be like if I was a true, permanent part of this pack. When I wake up with the sun burning an offensive hole through my eyelids, Jasper's thigh is trapped between mine and I am obscenely grinding my pussy against it. I'm so wet I can feel the crotch of my flannel pajama pants soaked and sticky against my skin. And it feels so fucking good to rub myself against him.

My nipples are taut points scrubbing against my tank top as I move and I cannot for the life of me remember what I must have been dreaming about to get me to this state. Jasper purrs into my neck and starts grinding his erection against me and I actually feel myself get wetter before the pinching twinge of a cramp tightens my abdomen.

It pulls and burns for a small eternity and throughout it all I'm rolling my hips to smash and grind against Jasper. When he purrs again at a deeper pitch and I basically gush, it takes every ounce of self control I possess to stop myself from jumping and falling out of the bed like an insane person.

Oh my fucking god. I'm having a heat spike. It has to be. What else could it be?

I'm frantically wracking my brain for an instance of a beta having a heat spike, maybe it's because of the crazy connection Jasper and I have. Either way, I absolutely cannot have a heat spike in this house; no matter the reason.

I extricate myself from Jasper's embrace with a wince, an actual wince, and grab one of the discarded blankets from the floor to wrap around myself. I need that blanket to mask any scent that might be coming off of me; I also cannot bear to give up the warmth and scent of Jasper.

It feels like I might die if I don't crawl back into bed with him, and my stomach cramps again, nearly doubling me over. I wait for it to release me and then I run from the room as quietly as possible, praying to any deity who might be listening that no one will be up and about yet.

I take one step into the hallway and smell coffee. Fuck. Someone is in the kitchen. I go through the living room instead, barely registering that it's Devon in the kitchen as I all but sprint to the door that leads down to my room in the basement.

My inner voice is a broken record, screaming what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck in a continuous loop. If Devon hadn't been in the kitchen I might have risked a shower to try to drown the scent of this. I can definitely smell it now, the sweet, heady scent of a female in heat. I smelled it often enough when my mother and sisters went through it, and I am horrified that the scent is now wafting off of my own body.

There's no shower down here, but there is the utility sink in the laundry room. I throw Jasper's blanket onto my bed and strip off my clothes to put directly into the washer, and then move to the sink to scrub and rinse as best I can without being able to fully submerge myself. I'm so wet between my legs that it's shocking.

How do omegas do this? How can they stand being this wet with slick? Is this slick? There's certainly enough of it coating my thighs with seemingly no end. My stomach starts to roll into another cramp and I can feel my temperature rising. What am I going to do?

I can feel panic begin to take over my usually rational reasoning skills and I viciously stomp it back. What would I do to help Jasper? What did my sister do when she had a heat spike when Daniel threw that stupid party when they were teenagers?

The freezer!

She hid in the walk-in freezer in my mother's basement! I run to my room and yank on a shirt and grab a couple pairs of leggings from one of my three drawers and then run to the walk-in freezer on the other side of the laundry room. I have the presence of mind to make sure it won't lock behind me when I shut myself inside and then I close the door. The cold temperature is instantly soothing, helping my skin to be less itchy and tight, but the throbbing ache burning up my drenched pussy is nowhere near soothed.

I want to feel ashamed by the way I shove my hand between my legs and start rubbing my swollen clit, almost violently, but it feels too good to be ashamed. Except it isn't enough, I could rub my clit right off my body and my pussy would still burn and throb to the point of insanity. I need something inside of me, and I need it now.

I race out of the freezer and back to my room and flip up my mattress and pull out my hand dandy rubber dick. It's not huge, but it's shaped like a real cock, it even has raised veins along the shaft, I just hope it will help. I run back to the freezer and lean against a frigid wall and lift my foot up onto a nearby box of something. Then I rub the tip of the dildo over my sensitive folds and bite my knuckles to keep myself from moaning in relief and need.

It doesn't take long before I'm fucking myself with it, dragging it over my clit and rubbing it against that wonderfully torturous bundle of nerves inside of me. I'm panting and writhing and pinching my nipples with my free hand, but it isn't enough. Why isn't it enough?! I want to scream and cry and beg, but there's no one to beg, so I start praying again to whoever will listen. Please, please, please end this. I don't think I can make myself cum, and even if I can I don't know if it would truly help. How long can this possibly last?

I work myself over as much as I can, even if it's futile, for what feels like a hellish eternity until it finally, finally wanes and stops. I'm wet down to my knees, covered in sticky sweat, and trembling. I want to scream at someone and then beg them to hold me while I cry.

Is this how Jasper feels? How do omegas survive this? I've never been more grateful to be a beta. Hopefully this was a one-time occurrence and it will never fucking ever happen again.

I revisit the sink and throw the clothes I just put on into the washer, and set it to heavy wash, putting double the amount of detergent I probably should. I go back to my bedroom to dress in jeans and Jasper' blue shirt that I still haven't washed and sit on my bed.

After a few minutes of sitting there staring into nothing trying to understand what the hell just happened to me, I remember Jasper's blanket on the floor and I pick it up so I can roll myself up in it. I tell myself that I'll only rest here for a minute and then I'll go back up to start breakfast.

Apparently I am a liar, because I wake up to Jasper's face entirely too close to mine, his eyes full of concern. It scares the shit right out of me and I slam myself back into the wall behind my bed.

“Jesus! Are you alright?” Jasper barks, his eyes wide with concern. “I woke up and you were gone,” he sounds equal parts offended and worried, “And then you didn't come up for breakfast, that I made, thank you very much. Are you sick?”

I take a calming breath and start fighting my way out of his blanket, “I'm alright. I'm just tired, I think. Probably from staying up all night watching the best movies ever. Let me up.”

He doesn't.

He pulls the blanket apart and climbs into the bed with me and tucks the blanket around us. God, it feels like heaven, and he smells so good. For a moment I'm terrified I might have another spike, that I definitely shouldn't be having, since I'm right next to him, but I thankfully don't.

“Since it's already so late and I made Trent clean the kitchen, let's take a nap. You smell wonderful, by the way,” to emphasize the point he takes a deep whiff and hums.

We're still and quiet for a while, and I think he might be on his way to going to sleep, but I need to ask about his heat. Maybe this happened to me because I'm so close with him and his heat might be coming on. I know he's supposed to go every twelve weeks, give or take, and it's been almost three since his last one, he should be nine weeks away; which should be five or six weeks away from him experiencing any spikes of his own.

---