Page 36 of Inevitable Destruction

I sigh and run my fingers through my knotted hair. I give up about two seconds in and let my arm flop into my lap. I run the tip of my finger along the cuff of my sweatshirt sleeve and tug it down until it covers half of my hand.

“What day is it?” I ask, brushing my curls away from my eyes. They’re long now, hanging past my nose, even in their knotted state.

“Saturday, man. Duh.” He peers at me, his blue eyes clear, and as he takes in my disheveled state, I see the smallest twinge in his smile before he corrects it. I suck on my front teeth as I keep my gaze pinned on him, hardening my eyes.

I don’t need anyone’s fucking sympathy.

“I can wait for you while you shower and get ready, and we can go together. It’s after nine, so it’s already in full swing.”

Without taking my eyes off of him, I push to my feet and bite down on my tongue as a wave of dizziness hits me hard and fast. I sway on my feet before I right myself with a grip on the back of the couch.

Fighting the smile that threatens to break out on my face, I shrug and saunter down the hall to the bathroom.

“Sure, man. Give me twenty.”

Fresh from a shower with my hair still dripping down my neck into the back of my black Alice In Chains T-shirt, I’m riding passenger in Jay’s Jeep. We’re on our way to some fucking party, but all I give a shit about is the drugs I know will be there.

Jay can refuse to sell me shit all he wants, but he has no control over who brings what to a party, and drugs and parties go hand-in-hand.

A Godsmack song plays in the background, and I grind my teeth at the meaning. Not exactly the best time to be listening to this song.

That’s a big reason why I barely listen to any fucking music anymore. Music used to be a good escape for me when I was sober. The lyrics were a great way for me to get through whatever the fuck I was feeling, but now that I’m finally me again, all they do is push me closer to the edge. So, I prefer not to listen to shit I would rather forget.

We take a right and immediately slow to a crawl. The street is packed with every kind of fucking car imaginable. It’s no longer spring break, but these motherfuckers don’t give a rat’s ass. Any excuse to party, apparently. Not that I’m complaining.

When Jay stops to let a car pass on the single way in and out of the road, I yank my phone from the car charger, smack the unlock button and jump out. “Imma head in, man.” Without waiting for a response, I dart across the road and onto the wet grass. I can still feel the lingering effects of a hangover with more alcohol added on top of that, but I’m alert enough—for now.

I jog up the stone steps leading up to the massive house blaring some kind of bitchy music.

Drugs.

Someone jumps in front of me and pushes the door open. I’m hit with the smell of sweat and something sweet like cotton candy. I fight a grimace as I step into the house, pushing past a sea of bodies gathered by the door. With the rain starting to come down, everyone that was outside rushes in, and screams echo through the room as a group of girls notice what I presume to be one of their friends among the masses.

Drugs. Need drugs.

Kitchen. I push past people, making a beeline for the kitchen. By the time I catch a break in bodies, I’m covered in a thin sheen of sweat. I brush my hair back from my forehead in hopes it will stay that way, but to no such luck.

At some point, I lost my fucking hat and haven’t been able to find it—not that I’ve been really looking when I didn’t notice until just after my shower.

Running my tongue along the fronts of my teeth, I scour the counters for quite literally anything that will get me high, but all I come across is fucking booze.

After grabbing a cup and filling it with Vodka and a splash of cranberry to dull the burn since my throat is already raw, I change direction and check out every room, starting on the ground level because someone, somewhere, in this fucking house has to at least be smoking a damn joint, but to no such luck.

What kind of bullshit party is this?

I pull my smokes out and place one between my lips as I shove my way to the back patio area. At this point, I welcome the rain over the slew of bodies.

Pushing open the sliding glass doors, I step out into the wet night. The rain is coming down steadily, giving the air a bite. The one time I don’t wear my damn hoodie. But at least there’s an awning overhead, keeping most of the rain off. Only what the wind blows in hits me.

Smoke surrounds me in a constant cloud as I chain smoke, moving from one cigarette to the next. The shouts and heavy bass behind me are slowly grating on my nerves. The only reason I came was to get high, and I can’t even fucking accomplish that.

A creaking sound startles me, and I whirl around, only to find Jay and some dude stepping outside. I can’t make out who the other dude is because they step off to the side on the very edge of the patio, but I can make out the cherry red glow on the end of the joint he lights up if the sweet, earthy smell wafting through the air is any indication.

My first reaction is anger. How the fuck can Jay refuse to sell to me then fucking smoke up with this dude like it’s nothing?

I clear my throat, and Jay jerks at the noise, spinning on his heels. I take a step toward them, and when he recognizes me, I notice the bob of his Adam’s apple.

What the hell is his issue?

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