Page 40 of SEAL Mates

Paula

I decided that we were the only ones in the house. I would ask Derek if he was up for an interview. So far since moving in, and time was ticking I hadn’t had a one-to-one with either of them. This was my opportunity and I decided to take it.

The house was enormous, it had a clash of old and new. Blake claimed to have all the new parts, the modern kitchen, the showers that had enough gadgets in them to make it feel as if I was on a spaceship and my favorite part of the house was the breakfast kitchen. It seemed to be the place that most of the guys hung out in.

Alec had said that it was because of the view. Even at this time of year, all I saw was snow, snow and more snow. He said it was precious stillness and showing nature at its best. Not being touched by anything, no phone pole, or electricity pole, just land of nothing. When he described it at first, I didn’t understand, but I was starting to see and understand the beauty of it all.

“Derek, are you busy? Do you mind talking for a bit?” I approached him as he sat at the breakfast table. The coffee or whatever hot drink he had in his cup was now empty.

“I’m bored as usual. Sit. So, do you want to grab your laptop or something?”

I shook my head.

“No. Sometimes it just helps talking and getting a feel for the person.”

“Oh?” He raised an eyebrow and I sat down next to him. There was something about Derek, I always ended up thinking to do one thing and then need up doing something completely different.

“Sometimes I think talking is a mechanism just to open up old wounds and prove to the person that they are more fucked up than they realize.”

“If you don’t want to talk, then we don’t have to. I mean you asked me here to interview you today. I’m doing that and now you’re getting all defensive about it.”

I jumped up thinking I didn’t need to listen to this shit, he was being an ass and I didn’t deserve it.

“You are right. Let’s start again…I didn’t mean to insult you and realize I did it. It was wrong. Can you accept my apology please?”

He had sincerity in his voice and his eyes as he pleaded with me to sit back down and continue the interview.

I looked at him for a little while, trying to take it all in. As soon as I finished, I decided to do as he’d asked, to sit back down and my mind raced back to the conversation trying to think about what we were talking about before I decided to get all emotional.

I realized that I needed to be tougher and not sink so easily when it came to Derek. Especially, because unlike the other guys he was a lot more difficult to read.

“Yeah. Every writer bases their characters on someone they know. Whether it’s subconsciously or on purpose. Either way, we end up doing it.”

“So, which book do I need to read about to find out about you?” He smiled and then turned to face me. No more were we sitting side-by-side, but facing each other.

“I think there’s something in me in Blind Love.”

He crossed his leg, as if he was thinking about the response to his question.

“Why that book?”

I hesitated as I realized once again the roles had been turned and I wasn’t the one giving the interview, but I’d been interviewed. I felt as if I was exposed and naked in the room. I checked to see if I was still wearing the green ribbed dress I put on. Yes, it was on my body, but I’d never spoken about my books let alone my process, he seemed intrigued but confessing to him why I did it was letting him into my world. I’d done that three times and I’d vowed to never do it again.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t pry…”

I lifted my hand to stop him talking. “It’s only fair right? I mean, I want to interview you. For you to tell me everything about you, including your darkness so I think that it is only fair for you to know about me.”

He tilted his head to the side. “Not really. We are volunteering to be interviewed. Whereas I feel as if I’m forcing you.”

I chuckled, thinking about the past. “My ex used to force me to do a lot of things. All the time and I never realized how toxic he was until it was all over.”

I knew he was going to ask for more, so I thought I would tell him. It wasn’t a secret but then I wasn’t exactly shouting it from the rooftop.

“My marriage from my son’s dad was over, but I wasn’t open about it. It was clear we both wanted different things, he wanted to be rich and would use m any means possible to be it. I just wanted us to be a family. Yet, I did everything he wanted which resulted in my falling into the arms of someone who had a crush on me. Saving the worst for last, my friends used to say.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well they said out of the three men that I had kids with, that ironically he was the worst one out of the lot. As if I was saving the worst for last.”

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