Page 41 of SEAL Mates

I could say it with such confidence, that I didn’t even realize how much I’d grown and moved on. Then again, it was thirteen years ago since I realized I’d made the worst mistake of my life.

“He manipulated me to get out of the marriage he was in. He loved the sex, but didn’t love the aftermath.”

“So, he had kids.”

I choked, “Yeah four of them. He said we would get married, have a girl of our own, then as soon as I was pregnant he played stupid to it.”

He waved his finger. “Never trust a married man. Especially one that claims he’s unhappy. He’s just looking for pussy and when he gets bored he’ll move on. I’ve seen it so many times in the Navy. I shouldn’t have been so blunt.”

I encouraged him by rolling my hands. “Carry on. Tell it like it is.”

He took in a deep breath. “Yeah, that’s my problem. I always tell it like it is, which sometimes gets me in trouble.”

“Not with me.”

It was weird saying how I felt and expressing it. Something I used to do in the past, but when you’ve been ridiculed and told that it was stupid to think or even feel certain things, my writing became my sanctuary. The thing I hid behind and no one had to know my real darkness or how I felt.

“Good. That’s the only way we’re going to be able to geet through this interview, if we’re honest with each other.”

I nodded with agreement. “I never thought of it that way, but you’re right. That’s the only way for us to have an interview. A real one anyway.”

“How did you think your interview would go? You would come and talk to some SEALs and that would be it.”

I shook my head, thinking I wasn’t that naive.

“I needed inspiration. Something died in me after the last relationship. Everything about myself became a doubt. I’m not sure if you know what I’m talking about. Back in school I used to deal with my demons through poetry. That used to help me so much thinking about what I was and what I would be in the future.”

“Really?”

“You want to hear one of my favorite’s?”

He choked, “I think you know the answer to your own question.”

I closed my eyes remembering every single word and not being afraid to express them to him.

“It’s called Decisions.

Decision to be educated, based on the fear of being illiterate.

Decision to speak, based on the fear of never being heard.

Decision to hate, based on the fear of learning the truth.

Decision to be a friend, based on the fear of being ignored.

Decision to be a mother, based on the fear of not being in control.

Decision to travel, based on the fear of being ignorant.

Decision to swim, based on the fear of drowning.

Decision to be happy, based on the fear of a life of unhappiness.

Decision to sing, based on the fear of living in poverty.

Decision to marry, based on the fear of eternal solitude.

Decision to drink, based on the fear of remembering.

Decision to write, based on the fear of never expressing one´s fears´”

I opened my eyes expecting him to be running out of the door, or freaked out by my words. Instead he stood up and pressed his lips to mine. I didn’t hold back, I wanted him so badly, the same way I felt he wanted me, as he didn’t hold back.

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