I’m looking at myself in the mirror and it doesn’t even look like me. My hair is curled, my makeup is heavily put on, and this dress was my mom’s when she was in high school. It is much too short for a girl of 16 to be wearing. There is a knock on my door before it opens. “Well, look at you baby girl. You look all grown up. Here I brought you these high heels to put on; they will make your legs look longer.” My mom puts the heels down on the floor and I step into them. “Now my friend Ted will be here soon, so let’s go over everything again.”
I hate this. I hate that my mom feels the need to use me like this. I always feel sick to my stomach when her ‘friends’ come over. “I know Mom. Just look pretty and let him do what he wants.” She smiles at me before fixing the comforter on my bed.
“Maddie, you know I hate that I need your help. However, my friends take care of things for us as long as you’re a good girl.”
I look at myself in the mirror one more time and she comes up behind me. “Baby girl, don’t forget men are only after one thing from a woman. Give them what they want, but don’t let them trap you baby. A man will treat you a hell of a lot better if you aren’t his. You are beautiful and you will be able to get any man you want, but don’t let them try to get you into a relationship. You get what you want from them and they take what they want from you. Does that make sense to you?”
I look at her through the mirror. “Not really.”
She smiles at me in the mirror again. My mom is absolutely beautiful. She has long blond hair, bright blue eyes and is always dressed perfectly. Her looks are everything to her. My mom has never been the one to attend PTO meetings, class plays or even back to school night. She always had a date or something else going on. She has men coming and going all the time. She has a lot of girlfriends that spend the night in various bedrooms, with ‘friends’ as well. The only reason we live in this huge house, with expensive cars and enough clothes to dress my whole sophomore class at school, is because she sleeps around. I am almost certain she is some kind of high paid hooker.
That is what she is trying to turn me in to. She has ‘friends’ that like young girls. She was nice enough to keep them away from me until I turned 16, then she said I was old enough to be helping her. She took me to the doctor to be put on birth control and a month later, I had sex for the first time with a much older man. It was horrible. He was rough and it hurt like hell. I cried the entire time, which apparently was more of a turn on. I have begged my mom these last few months to not make me do it again, but she always says the same thing. “This is why we have the beautiful things we have. Men will give you anything if you give them your body.” I have just stopped trying to fight it. It makes it easier to just let it happen.
“Maddie, I can see your wheels turning. You do this every time. Just relax and let him do what he wants. You will enjoy this one day, baby girl. You will want men to do these things to you. The earlier you become familiar with what you like and they like, the more you will enjoy this when you’re older. Now did you put on the pretty light pink bra and panties I got you?”
“Yes.” She fixes my hair and pulls my dress down to show off more of my cleavage.
“That’s my girl.” Just then, the doorbell rings and I begin to shake.
After Ted has his way with me, I am laying in the bed while he gets dressed. “You were a very good girl, Maddie.” I don’t say anything and I don’t turn to look at him. I just want him to leave so I can shower. “Look at me baby girl.” I hate when they call me baby girl, it makes me sick. I don’t want to look at him, but mom always says to do what they ask. I roll over and make sure to keep the sheet tucked around myself. He is smiling at me while he buttons his shirt. He sits down on the bed and runs his hand down my face. “I will definitely be back baby girl. You are a beautiful girl; I will have a hard time not thinking of your sweet little body.” I close my eyes tightly because I don’t like when they talk to me like this. I don’t want to have any kind of relationship with them. I want them to just leave. I feel his hand on my cheek again. “Don’t be ashamed, baby girl. You are a sexy little thing and you should be proud of what you can do to a grown man. I am getting hard again just thinking about it.” I squeeze my eyes tighter because I can’t do this again. When they start to linger like this, it’s usually because they want more. He runs his hand down my side and touches my ass. So much for him leaving.
This is how my life went from sixteen up until I was leaving for college. The only difference was I got to choose the men later on, and I had all the guys my age that I had sex with. The only thing my mom taught me that would stick with me was to never get tied down. I will never let a man own me, and I refuse to become one of those women dependent on a man emotionally. Sex is fun, carefree, and I fucking love it. It takes me away from the reality of things.
One thing I can guarantee is that I will never have a committed relationship. There is not a man in this world that would be able to make me believe otherwise.
I am in my bedroom getting dressed for the night. We are all going to the bar to get some drinks. We graduated a few weeks ago, so real life is now upon us. I was not sure when I entered college what I wanted to major in. I thought that I would always be destined to be like my mom and sleep around for what I wanted. Once I got here though, I realized how smart I actually was. I decided to get my business degree. Eventually I want to run my own fashion magazine. For now, I have an assistant’s position at a local magazine. Everyone needs to start somewhere.
I finish up with my makeup and put on my black mini skirt, white halter top, and my favorite strappy heels. I give myself a final inspection, and like what I see. I may have the shittiest mother on the planet, but she definitely gave me good self-esteem. I love the way I look from my hair to my perfectly painted toes. Even though she made me do things no child should do, she always made sure to tell me I looked beautiful. I smile at myself and a shiver runs through me. Looking in the mirror like this sometimes brings back memories I would like to forget. I can picture my mother smiling right back at me. I never told Kenz and Becca about the things I did at home. I am ashamed of it; I don’t want their pity. I know they wouldn’t judge me, but I need to leave that part of me in the past. I have overcome the way I was treated, so there is no sense dwelling on it.
I step away from the mirror to grab my purse and walk into the living room. Kenz and Campbell are wrapped around each other on the couch. I’m so fucking happy for my girl. I may not believe in commitment but those two belong together. “For fuck sake, give it a rest already.” They look up at me with their faces beaming with happiness.
“Jealous, Maddie?” I sit down in the big chair to wait on everyone else to be ready.
“Not at all, Campbell. If I wanted to be tied down I would be.” They both look at each other and grin. I know what they are doing. They think that Young and I have a thing going on. We don’t. We fuck and that’s it. I don’t do relationships and I won’t do heart to heart bullshit. That’s what gets you in trouble.
I definitely leaned on Young more then I should have after Kenz was attacked. It was hard when I was in so much pain for my girl and he was right there willing to let me cry on his shoulder. I know that he has feelings for me, but it is just something I won’t act on. Sex is one thing; relationships are something completely different. We still fuck, but I think he knows that’s all it’s ever going to be. At least I hope so.
“What time are we leaving? Shit, I would have taken more time on my outfit if I knew we were going to be waiting around this long.” I’m getting frustrated waiting around. I’ve been sitting here almost a half-hour. I could have been a drink in, looking for a hot guy who could rock my world.
“Dick texted, saying they would be here in a minute.” Campbell says before whispering in Kenz’s ear. I see her blush and rest her head on his chest. Before I can make a comment, Becca finally comes home.
“Damn, Becca, where the hell have you been?” She looks up at me with anger and hurt on her face.
“Where have I been? Hmm, let me think. Oh, that’s right, I was just at Drew’s apartment. After we slept together, he said he wasn’t looking for any kind of relationship, but he had a great time. He rolled over, effectively dismissing me.”